Page 86 of Without You

Dropping the candy on the table, I grab his hand, pulling him down to me. I hold him as he lands on my lap, and then I lean us both backward till we’re lying across the couch; my arms are wrapped around him, and his head is nestled comfortably in the crook of my elbow.

He brings my forearm up to his lips, skimming them across my skin as he listens to me talk. “I’m not asking you to come to Seattle for me,” I start. It’s a half-hearted lie, but it isn’t my whole motivation for suggesting it, so I’m not going to base my whole argument on it.

“But you should come for you,” I suggest. “Check out a job, a place to live.” I press my lips on the top of his head. “You could enroll in college maybe? Think about getting that degree you’ve always wanted.”

“And you’ll be there,” he says. It’s not a question, more matter of fact. A statement I hope really is his deciding factor.

“Could you take time off work?” I hedge. “Spend a week or so with me and check out the city for yourself.”

“You want that?”

I squeeze him to me tighter, inhaling the fresh, soapy scent of his hair and skin.

“If I don’t lay it all out on the table with you now,” I tell him honestly, taking advantage of the fact that he can’t see my face, “I’m going to regret it. And I don’t want to regret shit anymore.”

“Tell me then,” he probes. “Lay it all out.”

“I just want to see if this thing between us can work.” I pause and soften my voice. “And I don’t think we can do that here.”

“Here?” he echoes.

“This is your space with Rhett, and it’s not like an ex-boyfriend. He’s dead, and I feel like I’m desecrating everything you two had together by being here as anything more than his brother,” I rush out. “I don’t want that. I don’t want to feel like that. And I don’t want to be the reason you feel like that.”

He turns in my arms, emotion-filled eyes looking up at me, and I’m certain there’s nothing but raw vulnerability staring right back at him.

“Do you think this thing between us can work?” he asks.

I slide myself down the couch, so our faces are parallel. I brush my knuckles along his clean-shaven jaw and let my thumb memorize the shape and feel of his mouth.

“I think if I’m going to have to see you at every family occasion for the foreseeable future, sitting opposite me at the dinner table, smiling and laughing. Knowing what it feels like to kiss you.”

Softly, I press my lips to his.

“To touch you,” I say hoarsely before kissing him softly, again. “To know what it’s like to watch you fly high with pleasure from just my hand.”

The memory alone of his hard cock spilling all over my hands has me urgently fusing my mouth to his. When Julian’s arm and leg hook over my body, I know he’s envisioning it too.

“If I’m going to do all that,” I breathe out against his swollen lips, “then I need to know with absolute certainty that you and I gave it everything we had to try and make it work.”

My heart is thrashing around my ribcage as we wordlessly hold one another’s gaze. Everything that I can say has been said. There’s nothing I haven’t revealed to Julian.

From the beginning, I’ve been like a sinner at confession, cracking my heart open for him while my flaws, fears, and insecurities spill out between us.

And this is no different.

Seemingly wanting to get the upper hand, Julian pushes against me. Rolling me onto my back, his large body hovers over mine. “I’ll come with you to Seattle,” he concedes. “I’ll speak to my manager, and if that works out, I’ll drive back with you.”

“You will?”

“Under one condition,” he counters.

I nod. “Anything.”

“Always be honest with me, okay?” My face must show my confusion, as he runs his index finger between my brows, softening the evidence of my puzzlement at his request. “Just like that. If we’re going to work, you have to be honest.” He lowers his mouth to mine and gently kisses me. “Always.” Once. “Exactly.” Twice. “Like.” Three times. “That.”

Like I ever had a fucking choice.

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