Page 65 of Without You

Stepping back, my eyes drop down to my jeans, and the fact they’re black means I may be able to leave here as discreetly as I’d hoped. I look over to Deacon’s sweats and notice the darkened area near his crotch.

Biting the corner of my lip, I look up at him, feeling proud.That mess is because of me. “I guess you enjoyed yourself then,” I quip.

His eyes light up with humor as he presses his lips together to stop a smile from spreading across his face.

“Got something to say, Deacon?” I coax, knowing a witty response is on the tip of his tongue.

There’s nothing but blatant lust in his eyes as they freely roam up and down my body. “I had no idea dick was so much fun.”

I want to indulge in his humor, drag him to his bed and show him just how fun it can be. But the black cloud of shame and remorse is laying a little too low, threatening to spill over and ruin the jovial mood.

“We need to talk,” I announce with a sad smile.

He tucks his hands in his pockets. “Do you want me to come to your place later?”

Swallowing hard, I nod in response. Even though I feel as if I’m cheating on Rhett, or forgetting about him, I don’t want to discuss this anywhere but my safe place.

“There’s no rush,” I inform him. “I’ll be up late.”

Wordlessly, I signal to the bathroom and he nods. Cleaning myself up as best I can, I wash my hands before heading back to Deacon’s room. I give Rhett’s room a longing glance as I pass it, wishing this wasn’t so hard to work out.

Entering the room, I notice Deacon has changed into a new pair of sweats. “Want me to walk you downstairs?” he asks.

“Can you just keep an eye out?” I say, reaching for the door. “I don’t really want to faceyour family with cum-stained jeans.”

The corners of his lips turn upward. “I might be able to help you out.”

Stepping out of his bedroom, we both slowly sneak down the stairs. Deacon walks ahead of me, opening the front door wide enough for me to run right through.

It feels juvenile, yet still so invigorating, like we’re teenagers sneaking around. That isn’t something I had or did with Rhett, and the idea of sharing something with only Deacon makes me want to see what else only he and I have in common.

He waves me off when I jump in the car, and I drive off with a tingle on my lips, a head full of questions, and a heart full of possibilities.

Who would have ever predicted Deacon and I would’ve ended up here?

By the time I pull up in the driveway, the small high I felt because of Deacon has now dwindled into nothing. Walking into the house, my emotions begin their rollercoaster ride.

Dragging my feet into the bathroom, I strip out of my dirty clothes and hop into the shower, trying to compartmentalize my thoughts.

I’m simultaneously filled with dread at my lapse of judgment, and giddy with anticipation at Deacon’s imminent arrival.

By the time I finish up washing and drying myself, I’m a complete mess. With a towel wrapped around my waist, I sit in the middle of my bed and drag up the one thing that usually centers me.

But as I lift up the lid of my most prized possession, I realize my lifeline might just be the one thing that helps me drown.

15

Deacon

Hopping into my truck, I place the six-pack of beer on my passenger seat and begin the drive to Julian’s place. Checking the time, I decide it isn’t too late to make a call I’ve been wanting to make all day.

The loud ringing of the phone echoes throughout my car as I wait for the call to connect.

“Hey,” Wade answers, his voice booming around me. “How are you doing?”

“Not too bad,” I answer honestly. “How’s the shop?”

“If you can believe it, it’s running even better without you.”

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