Page 62 of Without You

Looking around apprehensively, I watch him lean over, his body as close as he can be without being obvious. “Move closer,” he demands.

“Excuse me?” I hiss.

His eyes do another quick sweep around us, and he places his hand on my thigh. “I want you to move closer.”

14

Julian

Ibarely even recognize myself as the words steadily leave my mouth. I got a call from Victoria this morning to see if I wanted to come over, and the answer should’ve been ‘no’.

It was right there. My tongue sitting at the roof of my mouth ready to say the word, but I couldn’t get it past my lips. The ‘yes’ however—that traitor—flew out quicker than I could take it back.

And here I am. Using this beautifully set table, and these extremely hospitable people to my advantage, because I’m too much of a coward to seek him out myself. If there was any way I could be in the same room as Deacon, without having to be the one to initiate it, I was going to take it.

We’re locked in a stare-down after my revelation, and I know his body and mind are warring against one another just as much as mine.

His gaze moves down to my hand, and I reluctantly move it. Pretending to fix my own chair, I wait for him to re-situate his back beside mine. It’s an unfair request, especially after the way I bailed after we kissed. But fuck if I’m going to be in the same room and have him pretend I don’t exist.

Not now.

Not anymore.

Begrudgingly, he moves closer to me, the wooden edges of our seats now only an inch apart. I’m a little amused by how obvious his disdain is for being told what to do, and want to bask in the small victory, but I know when we’re alone and we talk, he’s not going to settle for anything less than the truth.

And the truth is really the last thing I want to say to him.

In that moment, when his lips were on mine, and his strong body was pressing against mine, I’d felt like I’d died and gone to heaven.

It was so much more than I anticipated. He kissed me like I was his next breath, and it was when I realized I wanted to be exactly that reality managed to sneak in and ruin the moment.

“Deacon,” Elaine calls out. We both raise our heads and look at her. “Your dad says you came home late last night. I didn’t know you still kept in touch with the guys from around here.”

“Oh, I…” He stalls, tugging at his earlobe. “No, I don’t keep in touch with them. Well, I do, but I wasn’t with them. Julian and I went out last night.”

Deacon reaches for the pitcher of water and pours himself a glass, while Hayden and Bill’s eyes widen in shock. The smug look Victoria is aiming my way is a dead giveaway that she already knew, but it’s the smile that splits Elaine’s face that catches all of us off guard.

“That’s such good news,” she squeals in delight. “Deacon, your brother would be so grateful you’re looking out for Julian for him.”

Before I can process what she’s said, a loud splutter erupts from Deacon’s mouth, followed by a harsh coughing fit. I rush to take the glass out of his hand, while Elaine rushes to smack him on the back.

His body heaves a few times before the coughing finally subsides.

“Geez, Deacon,” Elaine says. “You gave me such a fright.”

“Sorry,” he supplies, his voice hoarse and croaky. “It went down the wrong way.”

When Elaine returns to her seat, Deacon grabs the glass of water and takes a large mouthful. His pained gaze catches mine, and I know exactly what it is that set him off.

It’s the same thing that had me fleeing last night—the truth that I was really hoping to avoid just planted itself smack bang in between us, but this time there’s nowhere for either of us to run to.

* * *

The hours pass, but the tension between Deacon and I never does. It ebbs and flows through us. Through every shared glance. Through our body language.

We’re at an impasse. I’m not angry, and neither is he, but there’s so much to be said, and even more that doesn’t want to be heard. We could try and ignore it, pretend the kiss didn’t happen…pretend that neither of us wants to do it again.

Thankfully Elaine’s favorable mood has gained enough of everyone’s attention that the discord is contained to just the two of us. And truth be told, I’d sit through this discomfort a hundred times over just to watch Deacon smiling with his family.

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