Page 49 of Without You

I channel my energy into keeping my posture relaxed and the tone in my voice upbeat. I push down that familiar rush of jealousy I feel when it comes to all the ways Julian and Rhett fit with my family and I didn’t.

It has no place here, and I’m desperately trying to make peace with it.

Julian tilts his head at me, his lips pressed together in a firm line. I can tell he has something he wants to say. As usual, he knows something’s up.

I’ve spent years perfecting my lies, and moods, and masks, and in a few undisrupted hours Julian has worked them all out.

How does he always know something’s up?

Thankfully he doesn’t push or pry, he just nudges me as we reach the row of billiard tables. “Don’t worry, tonight’s as good a night as any to learn.”

I look around the room and find an empty high top table surrounded by stools and claim it. “Why don’t you just find someone to play with and I’ll watch from here?”

He scrunches up his face. “That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard.”

I shrug my shoulders and chuckle. “It’s probably notthedumbest.”

“You clearly don’t know pool etiquette.”

“I said I couldn’t play, how is not knowing the rules a surprise to you?”

I make a show of looking at all the groups of people playing around us. “What about them?” I ask, pointing at a group of four. Two are holding cues and the others are just milling around. “Why don’t you go place some quarters on their table?”

Julian’s eyes widen, and I give him a quick wink. “Not a complete dumbass.”

Placing his beer bottle on the tabletop, he shakes his head and makes his way across the room. One of the guys notices his arrival just as Julian pulls some coins out of his front pocket.

He places them on the cushioned exterior of the table, and I watch him make small talk with the man. When I see them both laugh, I’m inundated by a sense of both relief and jealousy. Happy the other guy isn’t an asshole, and jealous that Julian is laughing without me.

Not wanting to get caught ogling Julian and every move he makes, I slide my cell out of my pocket and sip on my beer. I notice an earlier message from Victoria, just as I feel Julian’s presence get closer.

She’s asking if I have any ideas for what I want to do tomorrow. It’s then I remember I told her I was staying. But the idea of waking up tomorrow after all this alcohol and being a functional citizen of society sounds almost impossible.

I slip the phone back in my pocket and choose to respond to her later.

“Turns out you chose a good bunch,” Julian says as he reaches me. “We’re going to play doubles.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “I’m sorry, I just thought I heard you say doubles.”

He bites the corner of his bottom lip to stop himself from smiling, while his eyes dance with humor. “I did.” He puts his hand up in front of him to stop me from speaking. “But before you say anything, I won’t make you play. We’ll be a team, but I’ll do all the hard work.”

“Way to make me sound like a slacker.”

“What can I say, not all superheroes wear capes.”

“Oh my god, do you even hear yourself right now? Wait to see if you can even win before we start doling out all the compliments.”

“Oh, I’ll win.”

“Won’t believe it till I see it,” I tease.

“You’re going to owe me big time. I sure hope you can pay up.”

“I’ll buy you a couple of slices of greasy pizza from next door.”

“And grab us some more beers?” he asks shyly, while holding out his hand for me to shake.

I take it, and let my palm press against his, enjoying his smooth skin against the calluses on my own. It takes a few beats for us to let each other go, but the thrill of knowing he was in no rush either lasts until I return with our bottles of beer.

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