Page 30 of Without You

Sitting down, I lean forward, close enough he can hear me. “I’m just going to sit here, okay?”

Without looking back, or pausing his game with Lia, I hear him say, “There’s plenty of room here.”

My chest tightens at his insistence.There’s nothing wrong with doing what he asked, is there?

I watch the priest walk to the lectern and realize if I’m going to move, it needs to be quick. Biting the bullet, I slide myself into the end of the pew, next to Julian, and repeat the half hearted lie I just told my sister to myself.

I want to see my niece.

It takes all of two seconds for Lia to climb into my lap, and that’s all I need to relieve the tension.

“Hey Lia Lady,” I coo, my voice just above a whisper. “I missed you.”

“Missed you,” she says back, her tongue getting caught between her small front teeth, her lisp hard to miss. “You play?”

“What are you playing?”

“Juledian,” she says, the mispronunciation of his name making her even cuter. “You play.”

“How about we practice being quiet?” He theatrically zips up his lips and throws away the key before pressing his index finger against his mouth.

“Shhh,” I say into Lia’s ear. “Let’s be quiet.”

“Shhh,” she repeats. “Shhh. Shhh. Shhh.”

“Lia,” my sister hisses before we get too carried away. “That’s enough.”

While the priest starts his sermon, I give Lia my cell in the hope of keeping her occupied. When she tries to open the phone and the screen requests a passcode, she hands it to Julian. “Open.”

“Open, what?” he says.

Her cute face scrunches in confusion.

“Open, please,” Julian clarifies.

“Open, please, Juledian.”

He’s about to hand me the cell, when I lean closer to him and whisper. “Zero, six, two, seven.”

Recognition of Rhett’s birthday settles across his face as he punches in the digits, but it isn’t till he hands the cell back to Lia, that he turns with a sad smile and looks at me. “I have the same code.”

We stare at one another, and my skin tingles from the current of energy between us. We’re similar in ways I don’t understand and different in ways I do, and I can’t get my head around any of it.

Lia’s excited screech breaks the connection and echoes throughout the whole church.

It’s so unexpected, I give her a little squeeze to quiet her down, but can’t help chuckling at how adorable she is. I throw my hand over my mouth, as the sound comes out a little louder than I anticipated.

Quickly lowering my eyes in embarrassment, I try to stop my shoulders shaking, as I successfully stifle the laugh. It’s useless and I can feel everyone’s beady stares, disappointed at the disruption. But it’s the feel of Julian’s thigh pressing into mine that claims my full attention. It’s both a distraction and a move of solidarity.

I tilt my head up at him, but he’s working extra hard to keep his smirk in check and his focus on the front.

I can’t even hide the smile that spreads across my face. Even if I tore myself open this morning and let my weakness fall at his feet, I can’t deny I’m enjoying knowing there’s someone wanting to watch out for me. Even if it comes attached to an onslaught of feelings I have no explanations for, right now, with Julian and Lia, I feel light.

Not better.

Not worse.

Just light.

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