Page 29 of Without You

“It’s good to see you too, Elaine.” I take hold of her hand and choose to pull myself away from her.

“Can you give me a second? I’ll be inside soon.”

Not wanting to adhere to my request, Bill places his hand on the small of her back when she doesn’t move, and guides her inside, leaving me and Deacon alone.

“You don’t have to stay here with me,” Deacon states.

“I know.” Wringing my fingers together, I look at his parents’ retreating bodies to make sure they’re out of earshot and then back at him. “I actually just want to apologize.”

An obvious frown forms on his face. “For what?” But as the question slips out, he too looks at his mom and dad and then back at me. He places a hand up to stop me from talking. “You’re apologizing for my mom?” He shakes his head at me. “No.”

Dry as a bone, I lick my lips to try and find the right words I need to get my point across, but he beats me to it and steps in, closer.

A little too close.

With his mouth right by my ear, any fleeting thought I had is turned into dust as his low and firm voice coils itself around my spine. “I said, ‘No’.”

7

Deacon

Ialways end up here with him. Standing a little too close, the words out of my mouth a little too honest.

“Please don’t,” I say a little softer. “There’s not one single thing youeverneed to apologize for.”

Our closeness means I’m privy to the hitch in his breath, to the slight tremble running through his body, to the beautiful blush of his skin.

Every single part of me is on edge, as I recognize the blurred lines between us for what they are. It’s not a feeling I’ve experienced, it’s not a feeling I’m familiar with, but the strength and intensity of it makes it very difficult to ignore.

Finally nodding at my request, he raises his head confidently. “I’m going to go inside now.”

Just as I expect him to walk away, he surprises me. “Sit next to me, okay?”

Swallowing hard, I respond, “Okay.”

It’s not the answer I expected to give, but it isn’t one I feel like changing either.

He doesn’t wait for me, and I’m grateful for his sixth sense, because the moment of space is exactly what I need. I wait for him to extend the distance between us, before I let my ass land on the concrete steps, and bury my head in my hands.

Fuck.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, a message from Victoria on the screen.

Victoria: Where are you?

Instead of responding to the text, I give myself another sixty seconds and then I rise and haul my unsteady self, two steps at a time, into the church. I spot Vic first because her eyes are already darting around the place in search of me. When they land on me, and she smiles, I realize just how much I’ve missed her.

Standing up, she doesn’t seem to care that she’s seated in the middle of the pew, people on either side of her. She slides herself past each member of my family, not an ounce of concern for the disruption.

I reach her, just as she steps out, and catch her when she launches herself into my arms. We hold on to one another, squeezing away the sadness and the regret of not seeing each other in so long.

We’re so busy, and Victoria is the only other person who’s ever really understood me. She never balked at my moving or forging my own path, she never punished me for the physical distance between us; she let me be. She was and always will be the supportive and understanding older sister.

When we part, I don’t miss the disgusted glare my mother aims my way at my tardiness. Choosing to ignore her, my gaze gravitates to Julian, who’s at the other end of the long wooden bench, playing and whispering with Lia on his lap. They’re in their own world and strangely, that’s where I want to be.

With a perfect excuse, I kiss my sister on the cheek and whisper in her ear, “I’m going to sit with Lia and Julian, I want to see my niece. We’ll talk after.”

She gives me a small nod, and I watch her squeeze her way back past everyone’s long legs. Thankfully the pew behind them is empty. I walk between the long planks of wood until I’m right behind Julian.

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