Page 28 of Without You

He shoves his hands in his pockets, and wraps the material around his broad body, and then brings his sea blue eyes to mine. His face is stoic, but his eyes tell another story. There’s a storm brewing, a million emotions he’s trying to contain. “I need you there.”

His request winds me. My voice comes out a breath above a whisper. “What?”

He blows out a long breath, a plume of air mushrooming between us. “I need you to be my buffer.”

My mouth falls open. “You’re not kidding are you?”

“Look.” A flush creeps across his cheeks, and he tucks his head into his chest to hide it. “This whole thing is embarrassing enough,” he mutters. “But I can’t deal with her today. I know how it sounds, and I know I need to man up about it, but she likes you.” I don’t miss the hurt in his voice, and I hate it for him. “She is less likely to bother with me today, now that she unleashed her fury yesterday. And you’re…”

I raise an eyebrow in question.

“You’re the perfect distraction.”

As if he released a slingshot, his words land like heavy weights on my chest, and it’s obvious we both feel the hit. The innocent words, strung together, and out of his mouth, feel anything but.

He doesn’t shy away, like I expect him to, or even explain himself any further, for that matter. But the storm in his eyes is now a swirl of curiosity, with the slightest undercurrent of desire.

I may have only ever been with one man, but I’d know how to identify the kindling of attraction anywhere.

“I’m… um… I’m going to.” I jerk my thumb behind me to stop my ridiculous stuttering, gesturing that I’m going inside. When he gives me a nod, I add, “We can go in your car when I come out.”

I watch his shoulders relax and the intense look on his face fades when he realizes I’ll do what he asks.

I head back inside for absolutely no reason at all, but to compose myself. I make my way to the kitchen and grab a bottle of water out of the fridge. Chugging it down, I wait for my heart to stop racing and my mind to stop spinning.

What the fuck was that?

Feeling stable enough to walk outside, I scan the house one more time to make sure nothing is out of place before I lock up and leave.

Counting to five, I regulate my breathing and tell myself I can get through today. Today isn’t about this awkward reconciliation between Deacon and I, today is about Rhett andonlyRhett.

Stepping outside, I notice Deacon has already climbed back in and started his truck.

When I jump in, I’m greeted by warm air blowing from the heater. The change in temperature relaxes my muscles, but my mind is still on high alert, wondering how I managed to get myself into a confined space with Deacon, after I insisted we should stay out of one another’s way.

Choosing to look out the window, instead of at him, I clear my throat, hoping it gets his attention. “I’m happy to help you out today, but I need you to promise me something.”

It takes him a beat to respond. “Anything.”

Turning to look at him, I hope he recognizes the seriousness in my face. “If I say I want to go home, at any time, please take me home.”

I watch his throat bob as he swallows before speaking. “I can do that.”

Offering him a smile, I look back out the window, and choose to get lost in the blur of the buildings and greenery we pass on our way to the church.

“Will Victoria be at the church?” I ask, even though I know the answer, hoping to fill the silence.

“Yeah. I spoke to her this morning,” he tells me. “They went to the cemetery with my parents and grandparents first.”

The Suttons aren’t extremely religious and aren’t ones to push any beliefs on to other people, but when it comes to ‘special’ occasions, they expect their kids to be there. And because Rhett and I were joined at the hip, there wasn’t an Easter or Christmas mass I didn’t attend growing up. It’s now become one more thing I want to hold on to.

When we arrive at the church, Elaine, Bill and Bill’s parents are waiting for us at the bottom of the steps that lead to the entrance. If they’re surprised to see us arrive together, they don’t say anything.

Just as predicted Elaine’s face lights up when she sees me, and her arms open in greeting. I almost want to rebel and move away, feeling resentment for how hurt Deacon is by her actions.

He may not be my favorite person in the world, but I’ll never be able to unsee the vulnerability that consumed him this morning.

“It’s so good to see you, Julian.” She threads her arm with mine, and I feel Deacon’s eyes on us. She should be doing this with him. “Let’s head inside. Victoria, Hayden, and Lia are already seated.”

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