Page 23 of Without You

“It’s on the way,” I retort. “And you know if I don’t my dad will show up anyway.”

A light chuckle leaves his mouth. “Okay.”

“I can take you to the cemetery,” I offer, even though it’s the last place I want to be with my mother. My strong stubborn streak refuses to let her think I’m going because she bullied me into it. My grief is between me and my brother, and I don’t need to prove anything to anyone.

“No,” he says forcefully. “I meant what I said.”

Moved by the idea that somebody–-let alone Julian—would defend me, my throat tightens with emotion. “Thank you,” I manage to croak out.

“I’ll see you then.”

Offering me a small smile, he extinguishes any lingering awkwardness by turning and heading straight to his front door.

There’s no reason for me to watch him, but I can’t take my eyes off him. I didn’t expect him to be such an enigma, but the hard truth is I’ve always been jealous of a guy I clearly didn’t know. When he showed up at the cemetery today, I never would’ve imagined the day would’ve ended up like this. He took every verbal punch I threw at him, holding his own and standing his ground.

He backed me up when I gave him every reason not to, and that sentiment alone leaves an odd sense of gratitude that I haven’t felt toward anyone in a really long time.

Long after he’s gone inside, I find myself still parked on the side of the curb. An idea forms in my head, and I’m hoping I’ve got enough time to put it into motion. I grab my cell out of the cup holder and send out a quick text.

Me: Do you have any new batteries on hand for a 2004 Rav 4?

* * *

“He’s goingto be so fucking mad,” my dad says, with a chuckle.

I wipe my greasy hands on my jeans and then shut the hood. I take the cold beer on offer out of my father’s hand. “If he’s determined to keep the death trap, it’s the least I can do.” We both lean on the front of the car as I raise the bottle to my lips and use the cool liquid to celebrate a job well done.

“I’ve been worried about him,” my dad starts. “I’m worried about both of you actually.”

“What’s up with Julian?” I ask, purposefully deflecting his last statement. I didn’t come here to talk feelings with my dad, because even though I know his concern is real, there’s nothing he can do to change any of our circumstances; no matter how badly he wants to.

“Nothing in particular,” he says. “I think I’m just coming to terms that between you, your mother and Julian, there’s no right way to grieve. You all handle everything so differently.” He takes a sip of his beer, a contemplative look gracing his face. “I’m trying to work out if you’re all okay, but it’s not as easy as I want it to be.”

My father has always been protective of his family. A man fueled by love, he has proudly owned his role as protector and provider. Even now, when I know his heart is just as shattered as everybody else’s, he prioritizes everybody else first.

I see how split he is, especially as he plays peacemaker between my mother and me. He’s not perfect, and every now and then I feel like he chooses the wrong side of the argument, but I’m not a complete idiot. While I’ve never experienced it, I can understand the torn loyalty, she’s his wife, and I’m his son. Decisions like that should never have to be made.

“And what about you, Dad? When are you going to stop worrying about everyone else, and start taking care of yourself?”

“I’m fine, Deacon,” he lies. We stand in silence, sipping on our drinks when he asks, “So, what really happened with Josie? You never mentioned that you’d broken up when we spoke.”

I shrug. “I told you, she cheated on me.”

“Well, how are you holding up?”

“My ego took a bit of a hit,” I admit. “But I don’t think I was as upset about it as I should’ve been.”

“Dating is hard,” he muses. “Why do you think I married my first serious girlfriend?”

“Honestly, the shop is getting so busy lately, I don’t even have the time or energy to give anything else right now.”

“That’s such good news, son. You’ve put your heart and soul into that place.” He pushes himself off the car and claps me on the back. “Now have you thought about how you’re going to break the news to Julian about replacing the battery?”

“If I didn’t know better, Dad, I would say you’re scared of him.”

A throaty laugh leaves his mouth. “You’ll see what I mean.”

Giving a once over to the car, I’m glad it’s in working order for Julian. “I’m thinking I might go drive the car to him tonight,” I tell my dad. “Just in case he needs it.”

---