Page 19 of Without You

“Your dad wanted me to tell you the food is almost ready,” I supply nonchalantly. A complete contradiction to the uncertain storm of emotions brewing inside of me.

I don’t rush out the door and he doesn’t seem eager to stand up, but he’s staring at me and even though I can’t read him, I refuse to look away.

“So, you like reading?”

Instead of answering, he rises off the bed and walks toward me. He grabs the book I forgot I was holding out of my hands and gives it a once over. He leans over me, and instinctively I inhale the smell of sandalwood. His chest unexpectedly brushes up against my shoulder as he slips the book back in its rightful place. The slight contact sends a shiver down my spine, and I don’t miss his sharp intake of breath.

“I’m going to go,” I say, needing, but not really wanting, the space. “I’ll see you downstairs.”

Stepping back, he gives me just enough room to walk away. And without a second glance, I do. I find both Bill and Elaine sitting on opposite sides of the table, waiting.

“Sorry,” I say, trying to appear steady. “He said he won’t be long.”

“Not a worry, we can start without him,” Elaine says.

“No,” I retort, a little more forceful than I anticipated. “We should wait.”

A look of gratitude washes over Mr. Sutton’s face, and I give him a tight smile in response. I don’t know what I was expecting when Elaine mentioned everybody getting together for the anniversary of Rhett’s death, but this irrefutable chasm in his family wasn’t it.

Deacon arrives in silence. Sitting beside his dad, he’s got his head down, his eyes hiding, not looking at anyone or anywhere but the plate underneath his nose.

His mother talks like he’s not there, while his father tries relentlessly to make the conversation about him.

“How come Josie didn’t come with you?” Bill asks him.

I vaguely remember her from random occasions the last few years. She was uptight and unapproachable. She’d come with him for a few Christmases and birthdays over the years, and didn’t seem the type of woman that suited Deacon at all.

Like you would know what suits him?

“We broke up,” he says, continuing to eat and choosing not to elaborate.

“I’m sorry, son. I didn’t know.”

“She wasn’t that great anyway,” Elaine pipes in. “Couldn’t even show up to your brother’s funeral.”

“Well, she cheated on me,” he reveals. “So I guess it turns out I wasn’t that great either.”

His admission surprises me, and my chest tightens in sympathy for him. It appears everyone is stunned by the revelation, and another awkward round of conversation ensues.

It’s really just a series of questions aimed Deacon’s way and to which he only provides grunts and one word answers. Eventually it all becomes too much, and he pushes his plate toward the middle of the table, indicating that he’s done, and with more than just the meal.

“May I be excused?” Deacon says, interrupting them. “I’m pretty beat from the drive.”

“Well, don’t forget we’re going to the cemetery before the anniversary mass tomorrow. Be up and ready by nine,” his mother orders dismissively.

“I’ll just meet you at the church.”

The sound of cutlery being dropped on the porcelain plate echoes throughout the room and the twisted look on Elaine’s face is a good indication of the verbal vomit that’s about to spew out of her mouth.

“Twelve months,” she grits out. “Twelve months your brother has been in the ground, and even on his anniversary you can’t make the time to visit him.”

“Elaine,” I interrupt.

His head snaps up, and his eyes bore into mine. It’s a subtle shake of the head, but his message is clear. He continues to sit there while she berates him, laying into him about how being a good sibling doesn’t just stop because your brother is dead.

I shift my gaze to Bill, whose head is in his hands, his body hunched in defeat. Uncharacteristically, I kick my leg out under the table, hoping it reaches the right person. When his head snaps up, I narrow my eyes at him in question.Are you going to do something?

He eventually straightens his back and calls out his wife’s name. She doesn’t hear it above her own voice, so he tries another time, with no luck. The whole process is too painful to watch, so I stand up in protest. My sudden movement has the desired effect, and everyone’s eyes are on mine.

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