Page 113 of Without You

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Deacon

I’m holding on to Julian for dear life, my body still sporadically hiccupping from the crying. I’ve been stripped down to nothing but bone, and being wrapped in his arms feels like the only way I may be able to beat this emotional fog.

Long, smooth fingers trail up and down my spine, as if he needs to feel me, soothe me, calm me down. I’m so incredibly grateful for his attentiveness, every touch a reminder that I’m still here with him, and we’re still together.

My body shifts imperceptibly closer to him as the brush of his naked skin against mine lights a small fire within us both.

I bury my head in the crook of his neck, allowing my lips to skim across his collarbone and dance the length of his nape. His skin is like silk underneath my lips, and I can’t stop myself from leaving a trail of soft, slow kisses as I make my way up to his mouth.

Julian lays a firm hand on my chest, halting my movements. “There’s nothing I want more than you, but we can just lie here,” he suggests. “I can just hold you.”

For the sake of honesty, I shake my head, lower my hands to his ass, and pull him into me. Holding me just isn’t enough right now. I need to feel centered and grounded, and Julian and his body are the only way I can find it.

In tune with my turmoil, he rears his head back to get a better look at me. The move forces me to raise my head and meet his eyes.

He’s heartbreakingly beautiful in our role reversal, taking care of me, protecting me, fighting for me. I’ve never had a single person love me enough to do that. And now, tangled up with Julian, I wanted to say thank you. I wanted to thank him with my words, with my body, and then repeat the process till I couldn’t anymore.

Julian was it for me, and after the way he made me feel today, even forever wouldn’t be enough.

Squeezing his ass cheeks and holding his stare, I grind his naked pelvis into mine. “I want you,” I tell him. “I want nothing but you.”

“I’m here,” he reassures me breathlessly, our cocks stirring to life. “I’ll always be here.”

Sliding a hand between us, I grab our solid dicks together in my fist and begin to stroke. I capture Julian’s moan with my mouth, kissing and jerking him senseless.

“Deacon, baby, stop,” Julian pleads. “You can do whatever you want to me, but please tell me you’re okay.”

Putting a hand on his mouth, I lock eyes with him, so there’s no mistaking my honesty.

“I feel so raw right now,” I confess. “Every part of me feels battered and bruised, and the only thing I want to do is get lost in the man I love.” I drop my hand from his mouth, replacing it with a firm kiss on his lips. “I can’t form the words now. The ones you deserve to hear, the declarations that’ll last longer than my dying breath,” I continue. “I want all that for you and then some, but all I have right now to offer is me.”

“Make love to me, Julian.” I beg longingly. “I need you inside me. I need you to love me back to life.”

He melds his mouth to mine, pushing against me, letting us both fall into the mattress. “Let me take care of you,” he murmurs into my mouth. “Let me take care of what’s mine.”

Our legs straighten out underneath us, his body settles between my legs, heavy and greedy on top of mine. The tension in my muscles begins to uncoil, and I feel myself slowly giving up my control to him.

I don’t need it with him. Every touch of his lips and taste of his tongue, he owns more of me. He owns more of my body, more of my heart, and I have never wanted someone to have every part of me until Julian.

Our kisses deepen, and our already hard cocks, rubbing up on one another, feel like thick rods of steel. Julian navigates my body with his mouth, moving down my torso, his tongue loving on each of my nipples. Alternating between flicking and twisting my piercings, his teasing is like a direct connection to my cock, and now it’s throbbing.

Grabbing the back of his head, I unabashedly push him down the length of my body. “I need your mouth on me,” I pant.

“I’ve got a better idea,” Julian says as he slides off me. He stalks over to our duffel bags, and comes back with a condom and a square packet of lube. He shakes them in the air. “And for my next trick, I’m about to blow your fucking mind.”

Grabbing my cock and stroking it, I smirk. “How about you just blowme?”

“Turn around,” he demands. “Get on all fours.”

I do as I’m told, but this position is new for me, and I’m feeling all kinds of exposed and naked—both on the inside and out. I can feel Julian behind me, the sound of foil tearing as he gets himself ready.

When large hands are splayed out on my ass cheeks, a small, scared part of me stiffens.

Julian takes his hands off me, worry and sincerity in his voice. “You want me to stop?”

I whip my head around to face him. “No.”

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