Page 48 of Devilry

She drags her hand away from mine, resting it over the one sitting in her lap. We stare at each other in silence, her tired eyes giving away more than she plans on saying. I know there’s more to that story, but just as Callie hasn’t probed into my vague explanations, I know she deserves better than me trying to dig into hers.

“Hey,” Aiden’s voice interrupts our stare off and Callie takes it as her cue to go. Putting her fun face back in place, she rises out of her chair and half turns, so she can look at both of us. Kissing him on the cheek, she takes the hot drink, clearly labeled with her name, out of the cardboard coffee tray. “I’ll see you guys later, okay? I have to get back to class.” Putting her fingers over her lips, she blows me a kiss. “It was good talking to you, Eli.”

Feeling more confused about Callie than I am about myself, I watch Aiden nervously sit down in what was her seat. He hands me a takeaway cup full of hot, fresh java. “Just how you like it.”

“I’m sorry,” I blurt out, taking the peace offering from his hands.

“For…?”

“Avoiding you.”

“So, you were doing that,” he sniped out accusingly. Avoiding my gaze, he focuses on taking the lid off his drink and pouring an unhealthy amount of sugar into his steaming cup.

“Like I told Callie,” I continue, wanting to get it all out in one quick go. “I know I rushed to my room and made you guys deal with the aftermath, but the whole thing overwhelmed me.” Scrubbing a hand over my face, I stay silent long enough for Aiden to wonder why I’m so quiet. When he notices my apprehension, he looks away from his coffee and back to me, his demeanour softer, more patient. “I didn’t want to admit that my awkwardness may have cost me the only friends I have.”

His remorseful eyes look so big in his sullen face, and just like with Callie, I’ve come to realize I’m not the only one hiding.

“It was really stupid of me to think kissing or anything more between us wouldn’t pose a problem,” he says. “Only Callie and I roll like that; we keep our fucking and friendship separate.”

I inwardly cringe at how crass and offhanded his experiences with Callie are made out to be, the familiar look of sadness and longing on her face, making his words even harder to hear.

“So, you’re into guys and girls?” I ask, trying to decipher the details I’ve been privy to.

A cheeky smirk erupts onto his face. “I’m into anything that makes my dick hard.”

“Good to know.” I chuckle.

“So, we’re okay?”

“Unless you try to kiss me again,” I tease. “We should be fine.”

“How about we make an agreement? Some sort of compromise.” Taking a sip of my coffee, I look over the rim of the cup and eye him skeptically. “We can put the shitty misunderstanding behind us, but you need to agree to a new game plan.”

A nervous noise slips out of my mouth. “Why am I already feeling uneasy about this?”

“Come out with us more. Callie and me. The three of us,” he insists. “As friends.”

Seeing as losing my only friends was one of my biggest fears, his request doesn’t make me feel as anxious as I thought it would. I hold my hand out to him. “Deal.”

He takes it, and holds on to it. “Being gay isn’t a death sentence, Eli.” A lump forms in my throat, his candor unexpected and unsettling. “Enjoy it. Enjoy being you. Better yet, just enjoy being here. Young and free.”

I pull my hand away. “I think that’s the most mature thing you’ve said to me since we’ve met.”

He laughs. “I’m a selfish dickhead most of the time, Eli, but I would never intentionally hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable about your sexuality. That’s not me.”

“I appreciate that, man. A lot.” And I do. When you’re so starved for acceptance, you look for it everywhere. Searching for it in everyone’s words, and all their actions. It becomes your only focus. “So, can I take the spotlight off myself now, and ask you about Callie?”

“Yeah. What about her?”

“Do you like her?”

“What?” He seems confused, almost like he’s never given the possibility any thought. “Like more than friends?”

“Yeah”

“We’re best friends,” he deadpans. “I can’t say I think of her as a sibling. Considering the sex we’ve had, that would be awkward.”

He means it as a joke, but for some reason I can’t seem to find it funny. “So how does it work? You sleep with whoever you want? Who invites whom?”

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