Page 89 of The White King's Favorite

He stood up into the light showing her all of his scars. Cessilia had already seen them before, but it still hurt each time she had to see them. Some were so large, or so long, she couldn’t believe he had survived that. There wasn’t a part of his body that wasn’t covered in those white lines, some over the previous ones. His body was that of a warrior ten years older that had gone to war for most of his life. Ashen wasn’t old enough to have this many scars...

“This is what I got, from trying to heal this Kingdom the right way. For a while, I got drunk on battles, you know. Fighting was easier than doing nothing, and being left alone with the memories of you... but after a while, it became my nightmare. One fight after another, every day, as if my life had been nothing but a succession of fights. I fought mercenaries by day, assassins by night. For each time I was grateful for your father’s teachings, I couldn’t help but remember he had a dragon too. I didn’t have a dragon or even a real friend to help me. When... When Jisel came up with this idea, I realized this would make it all easier, faster. I said yes, because I was tired, and I thought if I was, my people were also probably begging for me to deliver them faster.”

“...N-no, Ashen,” she said, standing up. “You sh-shouldn’t have a-agreed. Th-there are so many ways t-to win fights. Without d-dragons, without d-drugs and p-poisons.”

Ashen took a step back, shaking his head helplessly.

“Cessilia, please... please, you have to understand. This isn’t the Empire you know. What you saw at the Muram Village... It’s the same everywhere. I tried everything I could before it came to this! Each time I offered to take prisoners, I left them a chance to put down their weapons. Half of the time, they didn’t listen, and when they did, it was to try and trick me.”

He brushed his white hair back with a tired look.

“I know it’s... it’s not ideal, Cessilia. I know it’s nothing like what I would have wanted to show you. But this is the best I could do. It was the painful and hard way, but slowly, I’ve done it. I became King, and I made all the Lords of the strongest clans listen to me. ...I’ve brought peace to this country.”

“No.”

He looked up, but the Princess looked almost angry.

“You b-brought nothing b-but fear. And fear b-brings more anger.”

“No,” he shook his head. “Cessilia, you don’t know what it’s like. You’ve never faced men like these, your country hasn’t known war since you were born. Your family has dragons for every fight they face! You don’t know what it’s like to put your life on the line, every day...”

“I kn-know.”

He frowned, confused. Cessilia sighed and left the coat on the seat. Slowly, she pulled her hair back. Her fingers were trembling a bit, but her expression was determined. She took a deep breath and began to undo the clasp of her choker, behind her neck.

“I d-don’t th-think you understand,” she muttered. “Th-the g-girl you knew was only th-thirteen years old. It’s t-true I d-didn’t know much, b-back then. B-but I wasn’t afraid of anything. I d-didn’t fear g-going to your K-Kingdom, either. I th-thought it would b-be fine as long as I was with you... Th-that night, I left the Onyx C-Castle, in secret, with my d-dragon.”

Ashen’s expression fell.

“N-no,” he muttered. “No. ...I waited. I waited several nights at the spot we had promised to meet, Cessilia, but you never came. I thought you had decided not to follow me.”

“I wanted t-to follow you,” she said in a cry. “I was ready t-to leave my family, my p-parents, and my c-country to follow you.”

She took off her choker, and he took another step back, horrified. His heart sank in his chest. Where the grand, golden choker had been just before was nothing but a large, horrible scar all the way around her throat. After looking for a few seconds, he realized it wasn’t a large scar, but dozens of long scars, left in the same spot. As if her throat had been cut open, repeatedly. Cessilia’s hand came to touch her throat, briefly, as if to remember it herself.

“I t-tried to c-come,” she muttered, “b-but C-…”

She stuttered that letter several times, as if it was too painful to pronounce. After a while, she took a deep breath, and a single tear rolled down her cheek.

“C-... Cece and I d-didn’t make it.”

Ashen’s dark eyes couldn’t leave the sight of those scars. He was horrified, mortified. His years on the battlefield were more than enough to know this was not the result of any ferocious beast or accident. Those were the clear, clean cuts only a proper blade could make. He slowly shook his head, unable to understand.

“No,” he muttered. “It can’t be. You... your brother took you home, to the castle. You didn’t... come...”

“I really wanted t-to,” Cessilia cried, brushing her long curls back. “I wanted t-to, Ashen. I d-didn’t even th-think much b-before I left. I knew my p-parents would be mad, b-but I d-didn’t want to b-be separated from you. When I understood my d-dad and my b-brothers made you leave the c-country, and we d-didn’t even g-get to say g-goodbye, I c-couldn’t bear it. I c-cried, and I p-panicked. I knew you’d b-be waiting for me, I wasn’t ready t-to let you g-go at all.”

Ashen couldn’t even believe what he was hearing. The younger Cessilia hadn’t left him. Worse, she had tried to join him, when all those years he had thought she had made the opposite choice. He had seen her being taken home, without a word, by her brother, but he had never expected the thirteen-year-old girl had really left the safety of her home to come and find him... Now, he was scared to hear what had befallen her because of that decision.

“What happened...?”

Cessilia took a deep breath and swallowed with difficulty. She had a hard time breathing, let alone speaking. She was struggling and kept crying silently, brushing her hair back nervously, with her trembling fingers. As much as he wanted to run and comfort her, Ashen felt like he had no right to. Not until he heard it all. There was this invisible barrier between them, something he couldn’t cross, and his legs wouldn’t take him there. The Princess glanced at the fire. She had been avoiding his gaze since that heavy piece of gold had fallen to the floor.

“I was c-captured midway,” she muttered, “c-close to the b-border. Th-three men appeared, g-grabbed me, and p-pinned me d-down... My d-dragon t-tried to attack them t-to defend me, but th-they used me as a shield. One of th-them... c-cut me, just once. B-but when they realized d-dragon scales appeared on my b-body, and my d-dragon was affected t-too, they used it as a way t-to control her.”

She shivered. Her face had gone white, as if she was going to be sick just from remembering this. Ashen finally took a step forward, raising his hand and wanting to at least touch her, but Cessilia wrapped her arms around herself and took a step back. She shook her head slowly.

“I... I c-can’t remember how many t-times they d-did this. Every t-time I healed, th-they would cut my th-throat again, t-to scare her... t-to scare my Cece. Th-they wanted t-to c-capture her, b-but d-dragons only ob-bey their owner, so th-they forced her t-to obey th-through me. I b-... I b-bled so much... I p-passed out several t-times.”

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