Page 88 of The White King's Favorite

Cessilia’s heartbeat accelerated a bit at the thought of this. She hated that he had slept with other women, but she loved that he thought about her each time he did. It was a horrible feeling, a bittersweet mix of anger, pain, and envy. Even if she hated each one of them, she couldn’t help but be jealous of those women. She had come here knowing what it would imply, to be the White King’s woman. Worse, she desired it too.

“Even when I tried to forget,” he continued, “the memories of you came back to hit me even harder. The more I tried, the harder it was to forget you. A thousand times, I tried to imagine what it would be like if one day I could finally go back to the Empire. Each time I imagined you possibly falling for another man, or getting married while I was stuck here because of the war... Sometimes it hurt so much I thought I’d go insane.”

“What ab-bout the c-competition?” she asked, her voice a bit more hoarse than she’d have wanted.

Ashen scoffed bitterly.

“Not my choice... My position is more fragile than it looks. All the main families want me to have an heir... to have one of their descendants as my heir. That’s the only way they’d leave me alone and stop fighting me, I guess. The problem is, they all want me to marry one of their daughters. So I let them decide to have that stupid competition. I couldn’t have cared less for who won... until you came.”

His expression softened, and he raised his hand. After a hesitation, and seeing Cessilia wasn’t backing away, he gently caressed her cheek. His large, warm hand against her cheek sent delicious shivers down her spine, and she put her hand over his.

“...I’m sorry,” he muttered.

She was a bit surprised at his sudden apologetic tone but waited to let him speak. Ashen’s expression looked so tired, something that had nothing to do with the earlier fight. The White King looked exhausted overall... but right in this moment, all of him was leaning toward her, and he was leaning against her legs, the two of them sharing each other’s warmth in front of the burning fire.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I just... I couldn’t believe it when I saw you here. Even now, I’m scared your father or your brothers will appear, and take you away from me... a second time. I never thought Yassim would bring you all the way here, and I never thought I would have a chance to... to have you.”

“B-but I wanted you t-too,” she muttered. “I d-don’t c-care about the c-competition either, Ashen. I c-came here b-because I still love you t-too. I... I really th-thought you had sent Yassim t-to ask me to marry you.”

“If I had thought it was possible, I would have married you the second you came.”

“...Why d-do you say it like that?”

“Look at yourself, Cessilia. You haven’t been here for a week, and you almost got killed already! I want you. I want you more than anything in this world. But... but I was foolish enough to agree to this competition, and you too. Now, every single one of those bastards will have put a target on your back and try to kill you. If something happens to you, I won’t forgive myself. ...I won’t come back from it, Cessilia. At least, in the Dragon Empire, you were safe. But here–”

“Ashen, look at-t me,” she ordered.

He raised his head again and met the Princess’ eyes, her emerald irises glowing with the fire’s light in them. She held his hand against her cheek, but her stare on him was fierce. She was like a queen looking at her servant, confident and strong.

“I won’t lose t-to them,” she said. “Th-those women can’t d-defeat me. I won’t be k-killed, either. And I kn-know you’re t-trying hard t-to save your K-Kingdom too. I d-don’t want t-to take that away f-from you, Ashen.”

“Cessilia, you don’t understand. I may be the King, but most of them don’t want me. I had to establish myself through–”

“Th-through fear? I went t-to the Muram Village t-today.”

Ashen’s expression fell.

“Why did you go there...?”

“I wanted t-to know how you won all th-those fights so fast. I saw you b-being t-trained by my dad. I saw how you fought t-tonight too. You’re strong, Ashen, b-but you’re not a god. T-tell me the t-truth. Why d-did you let th-that women d-drug those men?”

Ashen looked in complete shock. He tried to take his hand away from her face, but this time, Cessilia held his wrist. She used just the right amount of strength, so he would have to use force to free himself. He didn’t. Instead, he stared at the Princess, a bit shocked. Her bright green eyes left him no room to escape, and no room for lies, either. She already knew the truth.

“It was the fastest way, and the safest one for the villagers too,” he muttered.

“Ashen!”

“I didn’t want to use that method! I swear, Cessilia, I didn’t... but half my Kingdom is occupied by bastards like them, and the rest is dying of hunger! What was I supposed to do? It took me five years just to regain control of the Capital and its surroundings, and you have no idea how hard it was!”

“You c-can’t drug your opponents t-to win a fair fight!”

“Those men don’t deserve a fair fight, Cessi! Didn’t you hear what they did?”

“C-can you b-be sure that’s what they d-did, each one of them? If th-those men are half of your p-people, Ashen, what d-do you think made th-them like this in the first p-place? Where d-do you th-think they c-came from?”

His expression fell. He knew all too well. Those men he had slaughtered were like any other citizen, just a few years ago. Citizens who had grown tired of hunger, citizens who couldn’t live like they used to anymore. Those men had lived through wars, civil wars, and his own father’s tyranny. Some had become soldiers while hoping for a better future, but their futures had been ruined by war itself. They had been ruined by his predecessors’ greed and mistakes, and he was the last one left to try and suture a bleeding wound. He was alone to mend what had been shattered by twenty years of wrong rulers, and he was seen as a bastard King himself. His father’s blood had been a curse he couldn’t get rid of, while Cessilia’s parents’ teachings had been his only blessing.

“...I tried, Cessi. I swear, I tried, I tried so hard, I almost got killed a hundred times. I used... every single thing your father taught me. I did everything right. For so long, I tried to lead each battle while giving what you call a fair fight. Each time, I put my life on the line, with the fear my homeland would die with me. Look!”

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