Page 117 of Grave Situation

“You don’t want to solidify the bond with Leicht because that will feel like you’re erasing Tia completely?” he suggests, and a breathy sob explodes from me. “That’s not how it is, Talon. The people closest to you know that. You and Leicht were the ones who loved Tia most, and neither of you will ever let her be erased. She’ll always be part of your lives… but those lives will look different without her. And you know she’d hate it if either of you was killed because you refused to strengthen the bond out of some sense of loyalty to her.”

Sucking in a deep breath, I examine the truth of what he’s saying and then accept it on a sharp exhale. “How do you know me so well?” I murmur.

“I care about you.”

He said that before, and the words are innocuous enough, but something in his tone makes my heart beat faster. I don’t know what to say next.

“You shouldn’t.”

“You’re an idiot.”Leicht’s growl of annoyance echoes in my head.

“Fuck off. This is none of your business.”

He huffs, but I once again feel that sense of distance that means he’s put some kind of privacy barrier between our thoughts.

“Why shouldn’t I?” Now Jaimin’s amused, and while I’m glad to hear the fondness I’ve grown so used to from him, I can’t helpwishing I hadn’t made him want to laugh at me in this moment. Maybe Leicht’s right and I am an idiot.

But… if Jaimin really does mean what I think he means—hopeand yet fear he means—how do I deal with that? I’ve never felt that way about a person before. Not really. Not where it means something, with someone I know well and who knows me.

Not with someone who might feel the same way.

This wouldn’t be a meaningless sexual encounter. It wouldn’t be careless flirting to enjoy an evening or two. If something happened between me and Jaimin, it would be…

Earthshaking.

Heart-stopping.

Perfect… until I ruined it.

“I’m not… I don’t…” Fuck, I don’t know how to put all that into words. “I jumped out of a window and fell down the mountain trying tofly,” I try. “You’re the plague slayer.”

There’s a little pause, and then he says, “Could you make a light?”

But the darkness is so safe. So insulating. If I make a light, he’ll be able to see how hard this is for me. “I don’t want to.”

He chuckles. “Please, Talon.”

Damn him. How can I refuse him anything? Him, the man who’s supported me so unfailingly since this journey began?

I make a small, dim magelight, but the sudden glow in the dark makes it seem brighter than it is.

He props himself up on one elbow and looks down at me. Shadows play over his face, but even in the dimness I can see his beautiful eyes. His mouth is serious now, the ever-present quirk missing, but somehow the ghost of it is still there.

I never would have imagined anyone’s face could be so dear to me.

“Plague slayer is a ridiculous label,” he says solemnly. “I know it, and you know it. Yes, I cured a plague. I have a gods-given Talent, and I worked hard and studied hard, and maybe the gods never intended the plague to strike and were glad for me to cure it. We can’t know. The truth is, I’ve been an outlier my whole life. I’ve always felt like I was apart, different. I thought when I came to the academy it would be different; that being with others like me would finally mean I was part of the group.”

“But there are no others like you,” I realize, then wince.

He nods sadly. “Not for the reason they think, but yes. People are so in awe of the Talent I was born with that they think I’m different—better—than them. They treat me with deference, even when I hadn’t earned it. I don’t ever want you to think of me that way, Talon.”

I grimace and sit up. “The thing is,” I say candidly, “youarebetter than most people. Not because of your Talent—that just makes you Talented. Master Meele is extraordinarily Talented, and yet he’s an ass and an idiot and certainly isn’t better than anyone.”

He laughs quietly, and I revel in the sound.

“No, you’re better than other people because of how you treat them. You care. Part of that is the healer in you, but there are other healers that don’t care anywhere near as much as you. Healers who wouldn’t have bothered helping people in the village we stopped at after the first zombie attack. You heard they had no healer, and you went out to aid them, even though that’s not what you were there for.”

“It’s my calling.”

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