Page 40 of Asher

Gideon, who’s hovering at Sam’s side, puts an arm around him and glares at his slack-jawed cousins. “Nobody will ever speak a word of this,” he declares, and the threat is clear.

“Speak of what? Is there a secret?” Sam gasps. “Is there really an earthquake that was caused by Giddie screwing me in the powder room before?”

The sound Micah makes is just as indescribable as his expression. “W-What… A-Are… I-I can’t…”

“Did he just call Gideon ‘Giddie’?” Asher whispers to me. “I heard that, right? It wasn’t a hallucination?”

“That’s what I heard,” I whisper back, leaning against him. Personally, I don’t know how Sam has the nerve, even blind drunk.

“Someone tried to call him that when he was a toddler, and he bit them. Broke skin. They needed three stitches.”

Sounds about right to me.

“You screwed in the powder room?” Alistair’s asking, seemingly unconcerned about the fact that his “bestest bestie” will probably disappear later tonight, never to be seen again after giving his scary boyfriend a pet name. “That wasn’t very considerate of you. What if someone had to use it?”

Sam points at him. “There’s, like, a kajillion bathrooms in this house. Last time I was here, I opened the door to what I thought was my bedroom, and KABOOM! Bathroom. It’s like the bathrooms move around when you least expect it. They’re portable. Or, or… the whole house is like a Transformer, rearranging itself when it needs to.”

I don’t know enough about the Transformer franchise to know if that makes sense, but somehow I suspect it doesn’t. “What was the kaboom for?” I ask Asher.

He shrugs. “How should I know? I haven’t seen a kabooming bathroom. It’s your aunt’s house. You know it better than me.”

That’s true, and since I’ve never seen a kabooming bathroom here either, I open my mouth to ask Sam about it. Sadly, at that precise moment, the DJ changes the song.

Sam squeals. “This is majam!” He ducks away from Gideon, somehow managing to avoid the arm that shoots out to grab him, and skids onto the dance floor. “Let’s go, bitches!”

As the rest of us stare in horrified amusement, Alistair and half of our family race to join him on the dance floor. I don’t recognize the song or know the steps, but there’s something oddly compelling about it all, and my feet twitch a little.

Suddenly, Sam windmills his arms frantically, shouting, and in the next second, he’s flat on his back on the floor. Gideon races over, but Alistair’s already helping him to his feet.

“’Sokay! I’m okay! Just had a little slippy-dip. They did an excellent job waxing the floor, Mrs. Alistair’s Mom Smythe,” he calls to my aunt. She smiles widely and blows him a kiss.

Alistair spins in a full circle. “They are kind of slippery,” he says. Sam copies his movement, nearly falling again, only to end up giggling profusely in Gideon’s arms.

“Hey, handsome,” he breathes. “What’s a hot piece of ass like you doing in a this like place?”

“This is the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” Asher murmurs as hot color burns on Gideon’s cheekbones. “I don’t want to say it’s the best part of our wedding day, but—”

“Oh no, it definitely is,” I agree. “Did Sam just stick his hand down your cousin’s pants?”

As Gideon struggles to extricate himself from the suddenly octopus-armed lucifer, Damaris appears beside us.

“I’d like to apologize for my outburst earlier,” she says stiffly, not looking at either of us.

“No apology needed,” I say as fast as I can. “It was Andrew’s fault. I have no doubt.” There’s no way I want Damaris thinking I’m mad at her and might need to be taken out.

“Sure,” Asher agrees, still watching Sam trying to unbutton Gideon’s shirt in the middle of the dance floor while most of my family cheers him on. “Nobody blames you, Grandmother.”

“Thank you.” She still sounds very formal, but I think a little less displeased. “It’s been a…” She appears to be searching for the right word. “…lovely wedding. The food was excellent, and this house is beautiful,” she adds.

“Have you had a tour?” I ask, dragging my gaze away from Sam, who has given up on trying to strip Gideon and now is spinning around him like he’s a pole and Sam’s a stripper. “I’m sure my aunt would love to show you around.”

Damaris’s face relaxes. “That’s very kind. I was going to speak with her anyway, so I may ask. You two enjoy your night. Who knows how long you’ll have, just the two of you.” She disappears while that comment is still sinking in.

“Did your grandmother just hint that we should start planning to have kids?” I ask Asher.

“Yep.”

Great. Oh, well… it shouldn’t be too hard to put her off for seven months until we “break up.”

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