Page 22 of Implode

It was temporary in my eyes, granted. But it was stillspecial. How could Claire look at me after that hotel room scene without fully grasping the gravity of my fucked-up-ness? It has taken a lot of self-reflection for me to even come to terms with how I got to that place in time.

I may have a type, but apparently so does Claire. I am attracted to women who stray and lack commitment. Claire must prefer assholes who degrade her.

I can continue down this lonely path of self-destruction, or I can make some changes in my life. Maybe it is time for me to stop making excuses and stop living in the past.

From the time I wake up to the time I fall asleep, I think of Claire. I wonder if she thinks of me. If I even cross her brain.

I look over at my innocent little sister, who is too smart for her own good. “You are right.”

Penny sits up, knocking even more popcorn onto the floor. Not sure how someone so small can make such a big mess.

“Come again?”

“You heard me.”

“Imighthave heard you. Repeat, please.”

“You have a point,” I chuckle. “About thenot every woman is a cheaterspiel you just said.”

“Finally, you have come to your senses!” she cheers, raising her hands into the air in victory.

“Ohhh nooo—”

Penny’s words hit my brain a few seconds too late, as I watch the bag of popcorn plummet to the floor.

“I’ll get the vacuum,” I say, looking down at the mess. “Remind me to never take you to the movies.”

“You know my attention span would never make it that long.”

“True.”

I pull the vacuum out of the supply closet and plug it into the outlet. Within just a minute, all of the mess from the popcorn explosion is cleaned up. That is one thing Penny and Claire have in common—they are both clumsy. I laugh to myself over Claire dumping her drink on herself on the flight to Vegas and needing to wear my shirt. That girl can make my clothes look damn fine. I lost count of how many times I’ve caught her as she has stumbled. It’s a miracle she hasn’t really gotten hurt.

“Have you seen Claire lately?”

“I thought we segued out of my personal life, Pen.”

“Um, no, but I bet you wish we did.” She laughs. “Well, have you?”

“She and Angie have started their own subscription beauty box company at HH. So, yes, I see her almost daily.” I also see her in my dreams and on the video footage I may watch in the privacy of my work office when I’m unable to concentrate on business matters until I get my fix.

“That’s cool. But have you made any attempt for more?”

“Where is this obsession coming from?” I ask. “Not to mention a whole lot of speculation.”

“Your life is better than any reality show I have binged on. Please, give me something, Nic,” she begs. “I’m getting really bored and growing antsy, and if you don’t throw me a cracker once in a while, I’m going to create my own drama just to feel alive again. Maybe I’ll plan my own escape and—”

“Hell, Penny, you better not.”

“Oh, I just sprinkled that last part in to make sure you were paying attention to me.”

I roll my eyes at her. She really has some nerve joking with her all-about-safety brother about bypassing security at her therapy facility. “Penny, I know you’re putting up a good front, but I know you. I know how you love to tuck your feelings inside, and that is no way to actually deal with anything.”

“Hold up,” she says, raising her hand in front of my face. “Is my brother giving me life coach advice right now?”

“Maybe.”

“Does Claire know how amazing you are? Because you can be, when you aren’t an ass.”

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