Page 86 of Taste of Addiction

“Opioids adhere to opioid receptors in the brain, digestive tract, and spinal cord. Whenever opioids link onto these receptors, they employ their effects. What many people who take these types of drugs do not realize is that the brain actually manufactures its own opioids. This is the body’s way of coping with pain, anxiety, and often depression. By having the body produce its own, these stressors are often prevented.”

“Then why aren’t people overdosing on their own without anything added to their system?”

“The body never makes an abundance. Nor does it make enough to counter the painful side effects of, say, a broken ankle. The drugs that get prescribed mimic what the body is already capable of making.”

“I get that I may have taken a bit too many pills when I was dealing with extreme headaches, but maybe I’m not as bad as I thought.”

Dr. Lucian gives me a knowing look. “Your headaches are a withdrawal symptom. Be real with me for a moment.”

“Okay…”

“How long have you been medicating yourself?”

“Few times a month for four and a half years. But recently, almost daily.”

“Prolonged use of these types of pills alter the nerve receptors in the brain. You become desensitized, and thus need more to produce the same euphoric feeling of being pain-free. This is what causes accidental overdoses. Most of the incidents where Narcan is administered to overdose cases are from people who have legitimate prescriptions and just do not realize the withdrawal and overdose symptoms.”

“That makes sense when you explain it like that.”

“Have you received any street pills?”

I shake my head. “Um, I don’t think so.”

“Just to be clear, I will go ahead and lump in any pills not prescribed directly to you or administered from a licensed pharmacist in that category. Many people think that street pills have to be bought in some shady alley. Drug distribution has gotten way fancier than that with the invention of the Internet and social media. Plus, with the offering of two-day shipping from major retailers, along with access to the international market, people can basically make their own chemical compounds at home and pass them off as the real deal. It’s easy to purchase potent drug components, just as one could order socks from a clothing store.”

“So um, well, I have gotten pills from other people they were prescribed to,” I explain. “I doubt they were counterfeit.”

“Are you one hundred percent sure they were legitimately acquired from a pharmacy in the United States?”

“Umm, well—”

“The reason I ask is because pushers are able to put pills in prescription bottles and make it appear they are authentic. Some even create deceptively authentic labels. But instead of these drugs being a certain measured dose, they can be laced with other added ingredients set out to make you powerfully addicted and then seeking their services for a refill.”

“I never really thought of it like that. Why would someone go through the trouble of putting pills in actual pill bottles? Seems like a waste of time.”

“It all boils down to money. If a buyer believes they are getting authentic medication, they somehow feel better about it. When in reality, a lot of the knock-offs are highly addictive and stemming from other countries where the wholesale value is vastly cheaper.”

“Do you think I was given phony pills?”

“We just met, so it is hard to say. However,” Dr. Lucian says, glancing down at my chart, “I would say yes. And recently. Have you taken anything in the past forty-eight hours?”

“No. No, I haven’t. I wanted to, but I resisted. How long do drugs stay in my system?”

“It depends on several variables. I can’t be certain, but based on your blood results, I would say within a few days’ time you were given or you voluntarily took a cocktail of drugs.”

I shake my head in confusion. “I don’t even feel like I am under the influence of anything. How can this be?”

“Tolerance levels change. You may need much more to react or even feel it in your system. Again, this is how overdoses happen.”

“I’m just so confused. I have been trying to stay clean for days and here you are telling me I had a relapse and don’t even know about it.”

“I’m just going off of current blood results. I may have to run your labs every visit just to look for trends in the data. Your body may just be holding on to the drugs longer than the average person does. Everyone’s body reacts differently. I am just glad you made the first steps to come here. Between Dr. Westinger and me, we’ll get you back to having the control you lost along the way.”

Her words strike me. I guess I did lose control. And yet this whole time I thought I was medicating to seek out control.

Dr. Lucian flips the page in my chart to look at some results underneath. “Also, with your permission, I acquired your results from your visit to the hospital a couple of months ago. I also ran some tests on the pills Mr. Hoffman had in his possession that he said you have stolen—and I assume—consumed.

“Okay…”

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