Page 87 of Taste of Addiction

“So, you were found to have Lorazepam in your blood when you wound up in the hospital. The drug is extremely powerful and often used to treat seizure conditions. It can cause memory loss, coordination issues, and alter your ability to make logical choices. Mr. Hoffman was right in worrying about you. Were you using at this time?”

“Yes. But I think in hindsight that something else was slipped to me at the bar. I was in a car accident over four years ago. I was prescribed pain killers, and I did not use them all then, so when I was having some issues with my anxiety, I would take a pill and it would calm me down. I never had anxiety medication like what you just mentioned.”

“I also saw that there were other traces of drugs in your system at the time. Nothing that would have ever been prescribed to you by a licensed physician. Please understand that anything that is not prescribed can be warped. Different dosages of active chemicals can be molded into the pill, and you would have no idea how much of each substance you were actually getting.”

“Wow.”

“Think of it like this.” Dr. Lucian grabs her notepad and starts drawing a diagram of a container. “Imagine putting all of the ingredients to make a certain pill into a jug. Then it gets shaken up.” She continues drawing on her notepad to add in a few more details. “However, the mixture might not be uniform, so one pill could have a lot of the active ingredients and another pill from the same batch could have none. This is how some people die.”

I frown. “I never thought about this before.”

“It would be like buying an iced coffee and splitting it in half to share with a friend. One person will always have more ice than the other.”

My thoughts scatter as I think about all of the pills I have consumed and where I got them from over the past several months. It scares me to think that I could have caused organ damage during this time.

“You may have been slipped something in your drinks. In general, these pills could alter your mood, cause severe depression, and could lead to suicidal thoughts. Without a qualified psychiatrist’s guidance, you could end up in serious trouble. Plus, the rates of overdoses are much higher with street pills because of the analogies I described. Consuming a nonuniform pill that is spiked with a deadly amount of a drug can be fatal.”

“Is it possible I got hooked on something unknowingly?”

“Anything is possible. Someone may have groomed you or seen you as an easy target.”

“Well, I can only control what I put into my mouth knowingly.”

“That's very true. But if addiction was that black-and-white, no one would have trouble just stopping their behavior.”

“So what do I do now?”

“Dr. Westinger is one of the top psychiatrists in the nation. She is at the top of her career and can further counsel you on the right medication and remedies to help if you have debilitating anxiety or have the illusion that you have residual pain stemming from an accident five years ago. I can find you a physical therapist if that is what you need. We will work as a team. Dr. Westinger even has a rehabilitation center that has gained celebrity status with clients all over the world.”

I don’t want to be sent away and locked up.

“Oh Angie, don’t cry, dear. We will get you straightened out. Just remember, I am sharing options. Not all of these things will be part of the plan.”

I wipe at the flowing tears that roll down my face. I feel like a weakling, and I wish that the cushioned chair would swallow me up. My mom would be devastated if she knew that my life had veered this far off the path.

“I know that right now you probably don’t think that you have a serious problem. But you do, Angie. Your blood results show a high concentration of the drugs that you took recently. It is the urine and saliva test, however, that always shows the presence over a longer period of time. I’ll let Dr. Westinger break down the reasons as to why you felt the need to take them in the first place. I’m simply trying to let you know that your liver and kidneys can’t take this abuse for long before you start to have permanent damage.”

I nod and continue to try to dry my eyes.

“Angie, if you think someone is slipping you drugs—for whatever reason—I would advise you to inform the police.”

“Are you going to report this all back to Graham?” I ask, embarrassed. I fear he will go crazy if he thinks I am, yet again, being targeted. I need to tell him on my own terms.

Dr. Lucian takes my hands in hers and gives them a motherly squeeze. “Heavens no, dear. Despite Mr. Hoffman footing the bills, he doesn’t have access to any of your files. There are some levels of privacy that money can’t buy. This is one of them.”

“Thank you.”

“Just doing my job,” Dr. Lucian responds with a nurturing smile. She rises from her chair and embraces me in a big hug. “I’ll have the receptionist schedule a follow-up appointment for two days from now. We can do more blood work and see how everything is coming along with Dr. Westinger.”

“Okay,” I respond meekly. I imagine Graham is forking over a small fortune to get this practice to squeeze me into the schedule.

“Follow me out, and I will take you to Dr. Westinger’s office.”

When we get to the new office down the hall, it has a more homey—and less clinical—feel. A wall water fountain runs and adds just enough background noise to mute my own pounding heartbeat.

Dr. Lucian waves to her colleague and then leaves me there, shutting the door.

“Hello, Angie.” The forty-something silvery-blonde-haired woman stands up from her chair and reaches out her hand for mine. “Dr. Westinger.”

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