Page 66 of Flock Around and Find Out

“Because that exact thought process is how I got myself roped into both BDSM and essential oils, neither of which were a good idea!”

She rolled her eyes, a sure sign that she was used to my nonsense and not all that bothered by it anymore. The truth was that I hadn’t eaten her cold salads in years and I sure as fuck wasn’t going to start now.

I was happy she liked them. The weird textures, the quinoa—I still wasn’t sure what that was exactly—and the random veggies all mixed together to make one big fat nope from me. I’d support her all the way with her eating them, but it was like doing one of those mud races.

I would cheer from the sidelines, but I wasnotjumping into the mud myself.

“Did you come over just to insult my food?”

“That was just a happy side effect. Besides, didn’t you tell me I could always come over?”

“You can, but that doesn’t mean I like it when you won’t try the things I make.”

I plopped down in one of her chairs, the act of sitting reminding me just how little sleep I’d been getting.

One week to go.

Seven days until the full moon, until I ventured to fuck only knew where, until I was going to have to put everything aside and had no idea if I was going to make it back.

Well, no wonder I’m not sleeping that great…

The truth was that I would have much rather headed out immediately. Having to wait like this was so much worse. I just dwelled on it all, on the future. Even my get together with Kelvin hadn’t helped that much. The second I’d left him, the worries had all come swarming back.

What if we fail? What if I can’t stop this? What if I never make it back and there’s no one to say no to my mom’s gross recipes?

It all mixed together until my chest tightened and I worried I might just fall headlong into a panic attack.

I’d never done that before, mostly because I wasn’t smart enough to really think about things enough to get a panic attack.

My mom tilted her head as she stared at me, and I wondered what she saw.

Her disaster of a daughter? Her oldest who was never as good as the later, newer models? The black sheep of the family who was always the topic of conversation when she wasn’t around?

I sighed because I knew they were all true. On way or another, I never lived up to anything, did I?

“Why don’t I make you a cup of coffee,” she said. “Meet me out back.”

I followed her order without thinking, too used to doing what my mom said to even consider not doing it. A few minutes later, she walked out with a cup held between her hands, steam dancing from the top and escaping into the cool air. It was cold for California, but anyone from any place that hadrealcold would call the fifty degrees outside good weather.

She handed me the cup, and I smiled at the light color. She took her coffee black—when she drank coffee at all—but I couldn’t stand it that way. She’d always complained about how much cream and sugar I put in, but judging from the way this looked, she must have figured I’d needed it.

I wouldn’t bitch. I took a sip, thankful that she was willing to help me like this, to do for me when I didn’t seem up to myself.

She took a seat beside me on the outdoor sofa. “Is everything okay?”

I considered her question, not answering right away, mostly because I really wasn’t sure what the answer was.

No, everything wasn’t okay. That was obvious. I was stressed out, afraid I couldn’t solve this problem.

The worst part about it was that it wasn’t just my problem. So far, the things that had thrown me, the things I’d suffered through, they’d been all about me. If I failed, I paid the price.

Maybe it was what happened to Trey, but I couldn’t just ignore things like I used to. I couldn’t pretend they had nothing to do with anyone else. That wasn’t true at all. If I failed, if I didn’t get shit done right,everyonecould pay the price.

I thought about Galen potentially losing his mind, or him having to watch all of his pack go mad, him having to put them down. I thought about Porter watching so much of the nature get destroyed in a war. Kelvin wouldn’t likely care much about vampires dying off, but he’d worked hard to get where he was, and despite the way he acted, I knew he didn’t want to see the violence that would spread from this. Harrison worried so much for his clan, and they were hardly equipped for a war like this, for this sort of thing to happen, for them to have to try to survive it all.

Even Ruben would suffer if we couldn’t get this to work. He would be on the front lines, the one expected to make sense of it all, to figure out how to fix it. There would be no peace to be had, only destruction, as he tried to keep the Weres from wiping out everyone else.

That was just the Spirits, but I knew better than to think for a moment that this would stick with the Spirit world. It would spill over into the humans, who were not even close to equipped to deal with it. My mom…

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