Page 26 of Hold On

And I believe him.

Sebastian:

Her face has finally relaxed for the first time since we’ve reunited. She isn’t carrying the weight of anyone else’s expectations upon her shoulders anymore. She’s physically lighter and when she sighs it out, I feel the tension and fear leaving her as she starts to grasp for hope, instead of despair. Andfuck, does it look good. My Lina Girl deserves that. To feel safe for once. To not have to survive every fucking moment, every breath she takes.

I’m gonna fix this for her. I’ll throttle that motherfucker and make him pay. He’s gonna feel pain at my doing and I will savor every fucking scream and ounce of blood we drain from his body. He’s about to answer for every sin he’s committed.

Luke.

Who’s your fucking daddy now?

I reach into the hollow of Alina’s crisscrossed legs, teasing her pussy through her pants. She squirms perfectly for me, as I expected her to. “I wanted to fuck you so badly that day we met in here,” I say with a smirk as she nods in agreement.

“I wanted to fuck you too. As did every other girl we went to school with,” she says with a roll of her eyes. “A lot of themdid,” she adds with an envious glare. She’s obviously still worked up from earlier.

“Fuck those other girls, Alina. They were a means to an end,” I say absentmindedly as I open the jar of weed in front of me.

“Yeah, getting off.I know,” she bites back with a heavy sigh. I shake my head quietly as she shoots me a puzzled look. “Were you racking up other bitches’ V-cards?” she teases evilly. I pause what I’m doing before looking up at her. Her smiles fades. “What was it, Bash?”

“You know how you stayed with me in that fucking shed? When my dad wouldn’t let me back in the house the night he fucked up my head?” I ask her and she nods. That shed had been the bane of my existence, especially the night I had called Alina to come over out of necessity. She patched me up after my dad took a bat to my face. I remember being so embarrassed of how dirty and gross it was in there. Not at all concerned for my injuries as I should have been. She never complained though. Not once. My momtextedme two nights later to finally ask if I needed stitches. I had, but all Alina could do at the time was bandage my forehead as tightly as she could. I refused the pathetic attempt at help from my mom. I have a decent scar over my brow from it that only added to my stage appeal when I toured. “It got too cold to be out there in the winter. I did my best to try and meet guy friends, but I was always bullied by the fucking popular douche bags. So, I figured if I fucked some girlswith rich dads, I had a place to stay that was warm and usually on the other side of the house from their parents,” I finish. “Getting them off helped get me through winter honestly. Before I met you. Then after that, I didn’t really care.”

Meaning, after she abandoned me.

“Wow,” she says after a couple of seconds. “We’re more alike than I realized. Fucking to survive.” She sounds pissed and hurt.Fuck, that’s my fault for shaming her. “I guess it makes sense, you stayed with me at my place while we were fucking. Is that the only reason why you were with me back then?”

“What?!Of coursenot,” I answer defensively, feeling vulnerable. “I was with you in high school because I was fucking obsessed with you. Ilovedyou. I didn’t feel shit for any of the other girls I hooked up with. You’re right though. We are alike. I’ve never been better than you, Alina. I’m sorry I’ve been such a douche bag about your circumstances.” I go back to retrieving weed from the jar, my face hot. I’m embarrassed from my confession.

“I knew it was a stupid question. I just needed the extra validation. I obviously know you had the shittiest home life. I guess I just didn’t understand the extent of it all. But it makes sense,” she says gently as I nod my head, grateful she understands the situation better.

“I tried to protect you from what I could. I didn’t want you to know everything. What you were aware of was already fucked up enough. But I really am sorry I judged you so harshly before,” I relay again, needing her to know how sincere I am.

She nods quietly.

“We all fuck up thinking we’re better than others sometimes. I’m no exception,” she says with a sad smile.

“We’re in this together from now on, ok?” I tell her as she nods again.

Her smile doesn’t return though.

“I’m so sorry, Bash. That you had to use your body to get basic necessities. You deserved so much better from your parents, baby.” Her eyes are wet, her cheeks reddening as she grows emotional. I feel myself beginning to lose it too as I look into her beautiful green eyes.

“Lina Girl. Where they lacked in love, you fed me. You saved my life,” I whisper as she shakes her head, confused.

“Why do you keep saying that?” she asks as she reaches towards me. I take a breath, centering myself before answering her question.

“Because the day we met in detention, I’d decided to kill myself.”

Chapter Eighteen - Now

Alina:

I’m dumbfounded by his confession. Bash had never been a stranger to depression, but to know he wanted to die so young is heartbreaking. He never shared that with me when we were together in high school. Something he had in common with my brother.

After Bash started frequenting the tabloids for drug use and drunken, public outbursts, I knew his mental health had to be declining rapidly. But I had never guessed that the boy who had gone to every length to make my eighteenth birthday party so special had been so empty inside.

He had mademefeel alive.

How had he felt sodead?

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