Page 12 of Hold On

“What does it taste like?” I ask breathlessly as he pauses, his eyes darkening dangerously as he studies me before leaning over the table to meet me for a kiss. I lunge forward to lick his mouth and his lips, trying to permanently sear his taste and this moment into my memory. And after rolling the blunt, I can taste the tobacco and the hint of something earthy on his breath and tongue and mouth. “Yummy,” I moan as he pulls away and returns to his seat across from me. His hands pull at his pants awkwardly as he plops down. I do the same.

“Fuck, Lina Girl,” he mumbles to himself as I pant in my chair. He finishes rolling the blunt and takes his lighter and sparks it. He runs the wet part of the blunt through the flame. Holding it up afterwards, he extends it out to me and allows meto examine it. It’s my first blunt, so I have nothing to judge it off of. But it looks fucking perfect to me. “I’ll get it going, then you can take over, birthday girl.”

I blush.

Chapter Eight - Now

Sebastian:

Alina beneath my body is how it always should have been. I’m still reeling that she’s even fucking here and I’m literally jumping her bones. Every fiber of who I am is on fire with her energy and it feels better than any rush I ever sustained from using. Her hand brushes up against my hard dick and I’m spinning, seeing stars as I remember just howgoodher love feels in and on my body. We’re both fucking shaking. And neither of us is trying to hide it. We’re baring it all for each other to see.

My fingers snake up under my shirt she’s wearing and find her nipple inside of the cup of her bra. I pull it down aggressively and pinch her without mercy. She moans, the sound charged and coming from deep within her. I twist it without warning and she’s snarling as she sinks her teeth into my shoulder, over my clothing. Her fingernails are digging into my sides, and her knees are caging my entire body in.

I buck my hips into hers, dry humping her and enjoying the sounds she makes as her arousal builds. “Fuck, Bash,” she utters breathlessly and I’m seeing those same damn stars again at how holy my name sounds coming from her lips.

“Lina Girl,” I whisper back upon a growl and her bottom lip quivers as she looks deep into my eyes. I know she’s feeling everything I’m not saying out loud. I’m too vulnerable to admit all that shit right now. My feelings and how they never died for her, even after all this fucking time of being separated.

It doesn’t matter anyway as a ringtone blares from somewhere across the room and the moment is ruined. The reality of whatever fucked up shit she’s in becomes apparent as her face transforms into utter fear. “Shit!!” she cries, pushing me off of her and rushing to wherever her wet clothes are on the floor. I’m not looking. My vision is starting to go black, my anger simmering.

“Who’s that, Lina?” I ask hollowly as she answers her phone in a panic.

“Luke?” she rushes out quickly and the name is instantly ruined to me. I might even swear off my favorite sci-fi movie now. Fuck this Luke on the phone and every other Luke who’s ever existed. “I’m not home at the moment, I-“ she tries to say as she’s cut off and her silence infects the air. I clench my hands into fists and bite my bottom lip so hard, the copper tang of blood hits my tastebuds. “I’ll be home in half an hour,” she whispers. I look at her, hunched over her jeans, shame pouring from her eyes in the form of tears. She ends the call as I scoff with disbelief.

“Leaving so soon?” I ask disgusted. Alina closes herself off once more, instantly on the defense.

“My life isn’t just different now because you’ve shown up out of nowhere,” she says through clenched teeth. “I also didn’t massacre Albert’s balls today or ask for that to happen, but it’s as if I did, considering how pissed my employer is at me,” she says as she gathers her things. She begins clicking away furiously on her phone.

“What are you doing?” I demand, as if I have the right to know. She rolls her eyes.

“Getting an Uber back to my house,” she snaps as her eyes well with fresh tears. As much as I want to force her to take the fucking Uber out of spite, I can’t.

“Stop it. I’ll take you home,” I reply monotonously as I get off the bed and look around for my shoes. I pull a pair of black, low top Chucks onto my feet. I’m lacing them up as she just sits unmoving on the floor. “Problem?” I ask, knowing there are a fuck-ton more than just one.

“I want to thank you. I wish I could. For what you did for me today,” she says softly. Then her face hardens as she levels me with a stare that knocks the wind out of me. “But I’m about to pay for everything, while no consequences happen to you… and it hurts, Bash.”

“Tell me right now what the fuck is going on!” I yell as she shakes her head no. After a few minutes of silence, a set of headlights illuminate the driveway below outside. I walk over to the window, seeing the proof of her uncanceled Uber. “Fuck, Alina! Just stay here and don’t get in that fucking car!!” I beg her emotionally. She won’t meet my eyes.

“Goodbye, Bash. I hope we don’t meet again under the same circumstances fourteen more years from now,” she says, as she leaves in my clothes and walks down the stairs. I’m running after her in a panic, grabbing at her body, pleading with her not to leave. She just keeps brushing me off, looking anywhere but in my eyes, telling me I have no idea what I’m talking about. The rain is pouring steadily as she exits my house and walks towards her ride. She doesn’t even look back at me sobbing alone, just out from under the alcove, getting drenched with water.

I feel nothing.

Not the cold.

Not the pain.

I’m numb and hollow and she’s slipping through my fucking fingersagain. And I hate myself so fucking much because of it. If it wouldn’t be considered a crime, I’d tie her to a chair and make her stay with me, but what kind of life would that be?

She gets to choose her fate.

I just wish she’d stop shattering me each time in the process.

Alina:

I’m back to wanting to die as I step into the Uber, closing the door and doing everything I can not to look at Sebastian. But it’s too much and I’m too pathetic and my eyes are glued to the fallen rockstar through the window as he desperately cries out for me to stay with him. I’m fogging the glass as I press myself into it, wanting nothing more in this life than to stay with Bash Cox forever.

But I belong to Luke.

And he’s meeting me at my house to talk about the unplanned events involving my client today. It won’t be a discussion. It’ll be a punishment, and it’ll involve some sort of sexual favor I won’t want to perform. I hate myself as the thought of death crosses my mind again.

---