Page 13 of Hold On

I did try to hold on. I wanted to lie beneath Bash forever, but when the silence was broken by my phone, I knew the consequences would be greater if I put them off for my own self interests. I’m not allowed to have those.

The Uber is quiet, but I barely notice in my state of anxiety. Luke is not a nice man. And working for him is usually something one only does if their life depends on it. Or if you were made to be the payment for your father’s fucking gambling addiction.

Every time I close my eyes, I see Bash. The way he obliterated Albert’s balls. His fury at me when he yelled at me in the car. The feeling of his fingers slipping into me and how he felt stretching my pussy out when he fucked me open in the bathroom. How he ended up singing to me for hours and it felt like seconds. His scent. It hasn’t changed much but has grownup like he has. The smell of fading laundry soap beneath a woodsy aroma with a hint of smoke.

The way he told me he’d always fucking care about me…

And now, the life I’m trapped in is becoming an actual reality again, materializing to mock me as my Uber drives me back towards my fucked up circumstances. I had turned off my emotions, had locked a part of me away so deep I thought it’d never see the light of day again.

And within an evening, Bash undid everything. I can’t ignore it anymore. And that might be the scariest part of it all.

*****

I sigh when we pull up to my house and Luke’s car is nowhere to be seen. My heart settles for a moment, thinking I can at least gather myself to face this shit while I wait for him. I thank the driver and exit the vehicle after handing him a twenty-dollar bill. I know what it’s like to work in customer service.

I run to my porch and find my spare key hidden beneath a flowerpot. I hadn’t been able to snag my purse from the bar when Bash threw me in his Audi earlier. I always make sure to have my phone on me when I leave with clients though, just in case.

I unlock my door and sigh heavily, trying to find something tangible to grasp onto to ground my racing heart. I don’t want to be in Bash’s clothes when Luke gets here. These feel special to me now and if I never see him again, I want them to be kept pristine and separate from the trauma I’m about to endure.

I walk into my room, dropping my wet clothing from earlier onto the floor and stop when I notice the light to my adjoining bathroom is on. There’s a rustling of papers and a sniff from inside. My heart starts to pound faster inside of my chest and my stomach roils with acid.

He’s already here. The bastard hid his car so I’d drop my guard.

“Heard you come in, so you might as well show your face, kitten,” a voice calls out as my hands begin to shake uncontrollably at my sides. My jaw chatters from anxiety, my lips quivering violently along with it. I want to be walking anywhere but into this bathroom,myfucking bathroom. This is all a power play to remind me that nothing I have is safe from him. He owns everything and everyone in this fucking town, including me. His standards are met or there’s hell to pay.

My eyes take a second to adjust to the brightness of the lights. They water as they do. I wipe away the tears, more already forming and making their way down my cheeks.

I purchased this house on my own. I worked my ass off to be able to do it and itwasmy sanctuary. Now, Luke has defiled it in every sense of the word. He’s seated on my toilet, wearing a purple suit jacket with a white tiger striped silk shirt. His matching purple pants are around his ankles as he holds up a magazine and reads, shitting in my fucking toilet.

Myfucking toilet!

Myhouse.Myplace.Mysafety he’s disrespecting.

And I know it’s only the beginning.

“I’ll just be a minute,” he says with a casual smile. I hate the way he’s acting so calmly because I know he’s holding back. He’s trying to make me feel like there’s some sort of hope to this situation that I haven’t seen yet and he’s gifting it to me.

He’s not.

“Fine, I’ll change while you continue blowing up my toilet,” I say through gritted teeth, needing with everything in me to rid myself of Bash’s clothes. But Luke just laughs softly and holds up a gun I didn’t notice sitting on the counter next to him.

“Ah, ah, ah,” he says, waving it in the air before reaching out and pointing it at me. “You’re going to wait right there, kitten.”His smile disappears, his eyes hardening threateningly. He wants to watch me squirm and honestly, it’s having the desired effect. I’m horrified.

Before Bash came storming back into my life, I would’ve welcomed this threat. It wasn’t as if I had anything to lose. I was just waiting around to die, too chicken shit to take action.

But tonight, I’m not ok.

I immediately think of Bash. About how much I want to see him again. To hear him sing to me while he plays his guitar. To watch that smirk light up his face as he throws a sarcastic remark my way. Sebastian Cox is the most special man on the planet and I’m standing here in his outfit, watching my dickhead overlord take a fucking shit upon my porcelain throne.

I’m devastated.

And what I’m waiting for… it’s all going to happen while I’m wearing his clothes.

*****

He makes me wait twenty minutes.

Luke flips through the magazine while laughing, showing me pictures here and there like we’re close friends hanging out gossiping about the newest celebrity news. It’s all a front. I don’t allow myself to hope for a second that any of this casual banter is an omen of what’s to come.

---