Page 199 of Hayden's Stalker

“Getting there” is about as good as can be expected for a long time. Ask me how I know. Be kind to yourself. And, yeah,he practically said we fired him, but he’s probably trying to save face.

I’m grateful for his support and for the reminder that people get through traumatic shit. I’m still worried about being broken after last night, but I push away the thought and write a reply to Harrison.

Probably. Did you see the email from Isaac Meade?

“The media is having a field day about your concerts being postponed,” Tati says a few minutes later while I’m messaging back and forth with Harrison about when we could all go to LA. “Cooper also told them not to bother contacting him in regard to you.” She cringes as she says it.

I sigh as I think about the extra attention this will bring on us since there’s yet another news story for the paparazzi to hound us about.

“Yeah, the guys are going to come here today so we can talk about how we want to go forward. Word travels fast, though”—I shake my phone at her—“we’ve already got a few offers coming in via email.”

“I don’t blame them. You’re a hot commodity.”

“Yeah, it’s definitely different from when we first got signed. The guys will probably come out to LA with us so we can meet with some managers there. Most of the big players are in LA. We’ve even had interest from Meade Management, which would be pretty amazing.”

Tati gives me a beautiful smile. “I’m sure that whoever you choose will be better to deal with than Cooper.”

“Yeah, that won’t be hard,” I joke.

Tati comes with me to my appointment with Brendan after we’ve had breakfast. When I made the appointment, I asked if Tati could join me for it. I know I need her support to get through this, at least for this first appointment.

The look on her face when she gets to drive my Sián again makes my heart swell. I think I’ll buy her an Aventador as a wedding gift because I want her to have anything in the world that she could ever possibly desire.

The paparazzi take pictures of us as we drive out of my underground garage, but thankfully, nobody follows us, and we make it up to Brendan’s office okay.

“Hayden, it’s good to see you, and you must be Tatiana?”

She nods as she shakes his hand before we take seats on a sofa across from Brendan’s armchair.

“Congratulations on the engagement,” Brendan says with a smile.

I link my hand with Tati’s, her touch soothes me, and I say, “Thanks.”

I can’t help but think about my last visit to Brendan’s office when I was so torn up about my relationship with Blake. It feels like a lifetime ago, and I glance down at Tati, my heart full of my love for her, before I look back at Brendan.

“Tati is the one good thing that’s come out of this entire experience.”

“It’s nice that there are some bright sparks amidst it all. So tell me how you’re feeling, Hayden?”

“Not great.” I swallow heavily as shame washes over me because of how broken I feel, and tell him, “Part of why I wanted Tatiana to come today is because we, um, did some stuff in bed last night, but I couldn’t do any more.”

“I see. Can you tell me more about that?” Brendan begins to write some notes on a pad of paper as he finishes talking.

“Yes. When Tatiana touched my crotch, I just remembered everything with the stalker.”

I can’t bring myself to say anything about what she did, but the memory of her stroking my cock is vivid in my mind as I talk, and a wave of nausea crashes over me.

“It just hit me all at once, and I couldn’t stand it. Is that normal?”

Brendan looks up and says, “I don’t like to use words like ‘normal’ because everyone is different, but it is certainly not an unusual response to an experience such as yours.”

I grip Tati’s hand, holding tight to my lifeline as I ask the question I desperately need to be answered, “How do I get past it?”

I want him to tell me there’s some trick to it. That if I just do this one simple thing, it’ll all magically be better. I need it to be better because this is so fucking hard right now.

“The brain is a funny thing, and the answer will be different for everybody. Some people are affected by trauma in different ways than others. No two experiences are likely to be the exact same.”

I’m disappointed but not surprised that he doesn’t have the magic cure I so desperately need. I know in my head that people get past traumatic events, but not knowing how long it’ll take for me makes it feel like it’ll be this way forever.

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