Page 195 of Hayden's Stalker

I set my toiletries bag down on my suitcase and walk over to her before I lean down to grab her hand and pull her up off the bed. When she’s standing in front of me, I pull the ring box out of my pocket as I drop to one knee in front of her.

It feels fitting to propose to her here on the bus because it’s become like our own little home together during the tour. Some of the best hours of my life have been spent here, and it’s exciting that we have so many more hours to look forward to in our future together.

“Tatiana Swanson. I promised you that I would ask you this question again once my stalker had been caught.”

She stares down at the ring I’m holding in front of her, and her face splits into a dazzling smile that takes my breath away. I’ve been drawn to her since the day we met, and I’m so grateful she came into my life.

“You’ve been my preciosa since before we even got together. You dominated my waking thoughts and especially my sleeping ones.” I give her a cheeky grin as I think about the sex dreams I used to feel so guilty about having, and she laughs. “I don’t everwant to not have you in my life.” My heart beats a drum solo in my chest as I ask, “So, Tatiana Swanson, will you marry me?”

Tears flow from her eyes, and she nods her head. “Yes, Hayden. Yes. Of course I’ll marry you.”

30

The Return

I wake in the quiet,dark room with the weight of Sarah lying on my chest. Her breathing is slow and even while my heart pounds in my chest. I instinctively yank against the ropes restraining my hands and am surprised to find them free.

It takes me a second to realize that it’s not Sarah lying on me. It’s Tati. I relax back against the pillows and put my arms around her as I take deep breaths and try to calm my racing heart. I scrunch my eyes closed and clench my jaw as memories of my time in the cabin play in my head.

I hate so much that they’re still there. I want to forget everything, but I can’t. The memories are so real to me, I can practically feel Sarah touching me, and I want to puke. It’s too much, and I give in to the tears that are pricking my eyes. My body shakes as I cry quietly, trying not to wake Tati.

Eventually, I slip out of the bed and make my way to the bathroom. As I’m washing my hands after using the toilet, I look at my reflection in the mirror. Other Hayden Vega stares back at me. The cut is healing on his cheek, but his hair is still a mess, and his stubble is too grown out.

I can’t stand the sight of him, so I turn the shower on and get in as soon as the water is hot. I desperately need to feel clean. To not be the man in the mirror who was held hostage by Sarah and Daniel. I scrub at my skin with the washcloth under the hot water until the light brown color has a red hue, but I still feel dirty. I move on to washing my hair, and I lather it up, massaging my scalp roughly. It’s painful, but not as much as the memories that won’t leave my brain.

I wash myself over and over until I run out of body wash and shampoo from the bottle the hotel provides before I turn the shower off. I step out, not wanting to look in the mirror, but I do as I wrap a towel around my waist.

Other Hayden Vega looks back at me. His face is miserable, and I feel sorry for what happened to him. I pull my toiletries bag over to me and get out my shaving cream and razor as I fill the basin in the vanity with hot water.

I lather my face with the cream and begin to shave. With each stroke of the razor, I start to look less like him, but I still feel like him. I get more and more distressed as I keep going because I hate that I feel like this. It isn’t working. I don’t feel clean. I look like myself now, but I still feel like Other Hayden.

I drop the razor on the vanity and splash my face with water, then pull the plug and set it aside. I place my hands on either side of the basin and look down at the water gurgling down the drain as I give way to a fresh set of tears. My body shakes as I cry, wondering how the fuck I’m meant to survive feeling like this. It’s too hard, and I hate that I can’t do anything to make it better.

“Hayden,” Tati says in a soft voice. “I’m here.”

I can’t look at her. My fiancée. So beautiful and perfect while I’m a broken mess. I continue to stare into the empty basin, filled only with my tears, slowly dripping down the drain.

“I’m going to touch you now,” she says in a calm voice.

Her hand rests on my shoulder, both familiar and strange but bringing a comforting warmth. She holds it there for a few moments before she moves it down to gently rub my back. She doesn’t say anything, just lets me cry as she rubs my back until I turn to take her in my arms. I hold her tight as I take shaky breaths and inhale her floral scent.

“I can’t do this,” I tell her through the lump in my throat.

“Yes, you can,” she says calmly. “It’s going to be hard, but you will survive, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.”

“I don’t think you’re right,” I whisper.

She squeezes me tighter and kisses my chest. “You don’t have to think I’m right for it to be true.” She looks up at me and frowns for a second before she clears her expression. “You shaved.”

“I did. I didn’t want to look like—” I can’t tell her about Other Hayden Vega, so I cut myself off. “I needed to.”

“Of course.” She squeezes me again. “Come back to bed. You need some rest.”

I wakeup in the morning with Tati in my arms, but I’m grateful that I know immediately who she is. I kiss the top of her head and smile as I watch my beautiful fiancée sleeping. My heart feels bruised and battered after everything that’s happening, and I’m still terrified that I won’t be able to get through this, but Tati’s support is everything to me.

We don’t have much time before we have to leave when she wakes up, so we get ready to go, and Jesse arrives soon after to escort us to the airport. The victim liaison officer confirmed that I’m okay to return to Chicago, and they’ll call me if they have any more questions about Daniel. The thought of having to talkabout my time with him anymore weighs heavy in the pit of my stomach, but I’m relieved to be going home.

Jesse’s eyes immediately land on the ring on Tati’s left ring finger, and he grins at her. “Congratulations are in order, I see?”

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