Page 16 of Finding Hope

Jess:Saaaame.

Laine:You still didn’t tell us who your giant hunky man was. And where he took you for those twenty-ish minutes.

I smile and squeeze my thighs together.

Me:He took me for seven minutes in heaven.

Jess:That guy’s dimple… looked like heaven to me.

Kari:And his shoulders.

Laine:And his ass! I was thinking of your guy’s ass while hooking up with my guy.

Jess:Why is nobody else wondering where Kari slept last night? Did someone finally take your… purity?

Kari:Hush. I’m leaving now. Be home soon.

Throwing my phone down, I don’t finish my coffee or my toast. And I don’t go out to dinner, either. I simply fall asleep and dream of dimples and blue eyes.

5

JACK

DISAPPOINTMENT

Another week of my life passes me by.

Then another.

Then another.

I spend my days locked up inside my home, a house made for the family I’ll never have, a house with more than enough room for just me and my dog. And I spend my nights in a blur at Club 188 – lights, music, fights, booze, girls. Except, when my sisters are working, as in,spyingon me, I go to Rhinos – and that’s the lights and girls and fights times a thousand.

I spend my time in a trance of loneliness and bitterness, and I don’t even feel the desire to find my way out. I want my life to go back to what itwas, back when I had Steph, back when I was a contributing member of my amazing family, but I have no energy to consciously work for it.

Ican’thave Steph, and I’m too tired to work for the rest.

Instead, I distract myself with new girls and getting high.

Jenny The Psycho was contracted to stay with me for a little over a month – I mean, she was contractedindefinitely, because my family would spare no expense, but she stayed only long enough to make sure I wouldn’t die, enough time to make sure my spleen wouldn’t bleed out, and my lung repaired itself, then I kicked her out and sent her off to torture her next victim.

Then I got drunk and dreamt about Steph.

I wasn’t the drunk driver that hit us that day, but Iwasthe driver of ourcar. I was Steph’s protector, and instead of paying complete attention to the road like Ishouldhave been, I was bickering with her because I wanted to go into the city for dinner and dancing, but she wanted to go home and rest.

Just like the day we met and every day after that; she’s the one who craved quiet. I was the one obnoxiously pushing her out of her comfort zone.

If I’d just said we could go home, if I’d just given in to her simple fucking request, maybe we wouldn’t have been bickering.

If I’d just said yes, maybe her last words might not have been about how much of a selfish asshole I am.

Iwasan asshole.

I dismissed the fact she was tired after a long week of work and training, and instead, I paid attention tomywants.

Iwanted to go out.Iwanted to dance.Iwanted to work off my energy.

Steph had been my girl since we were teenagers, but we were hitting that seven-year point, that rough patch in most relationships –the seven yearitch.Everyone says it’s normal, that couples can become complacent and selfish and that we should work together and stay strong.

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