Page 79 of Reckless

Clementine always said that referring to her childhood home. I had never had that problem in her house. On the contrary. It was the only place I could take satisfying breaths around her brother Tyler, because that was the only place I saw him without all the girls that followed him around in the school hallway.

That particular day though?

I felt like someone pressed my chest with an unbearable weight I had no idea how to get rid of.

Sorry, lungs. Only shallow breathing for you today.

People always talked about their broken hearts, but no one mourned their lungs’ tortured existence in the face of unrequited love.

I stood in the hallway only two steps away from Tyler’s bedroom, thinking about how I wanted to do this. Clem had told me he spent the last few days packing for college. He was moving the next day. Going away to Boston.

The finality of the situation was a first for me. Being just fourteen years old, I wasn’t used to losing people.

I had also never said goodbye to someone I cared for.

Balling my hand into a fist, I knocked on his door. I had never been in his room before, but I had seen enough of it while passing by it. Walls covered in posters of naked women, which always made me blush. Clothes all over the floor. His desk a mess. It was a complete chaos.

Just like him.

“Come in,” he said, and I pushed the door open. I found him going through his now almost organized desk. The change was so unexpected to me, it felt like a knife to the stomach.

He shot me a surprised look that said it all. He had no idea what I wanted. He had no idea how I felt.

“Hey,” I stood by the door like a statue, squeezing the thing I brought him in my hand, forcing myself to look only at him, and not at his walls.

“Do you need anything?”

Yes. I need you not to take my breath away with you.

Clearing my throat first, I said with a raspy voice.

“I got you something.”

Then I extended my hand before me, opening my sweaty palm to show him what I was holding.

I didn’t really think he would use it. It was too feminine. But it took me two days and three attempts until I made it look good enough to give it to someone as a gift.

He took the square resin keychain with a golden poppy inside from my hand and the tips of his fingers touched my skin. I lost my ability to think for a moment. He didn’t even register we touched for the first time ever.

Okay, maybe not ever, but for the first time since I had a crush on him. Ever since I realized I liked him, I paid attention to every single thing he did in front of me. And he had never done that. I was glad he hadn’t. Even though it felt like someone took my organs out of my body one by one, every time I saw him kiss a girl, I could never touch him.

Tyler examined the keychain with a frown and I rushed to explain.

“It’s a going away present. The golden poppy is our state flower and since you’re moving to another state, I thought you would want something to remind you of…home.”

What I really wanted was for him to take a piece of me and carry it always. Something that will remind him of me.

Tyler looked at me with that same frown he examined the keychain a moment ago. I swallowed hard, waiting for his reaction.

“Did you make it?”

“No,” I lied without even blinking. “I bought it in a souvenir shop.”

He tossed the keychain in the air and caught it when it fell down again.

“I don’t want anything to remind me of home.”

“Oh,” I gasped out, regret washing over me like a wave. Regret I stepped foot in the house that day. Regret I made the keychain. I reached over and took it from his hand, turning around to leave. A second later his hand caught me by the wrist. I froze to the spot, but he didn’t let go.

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