Page 69 of Unbearable

“You know, when your mom passed away, everything in my life changed in an instant. I’d done the one thing that seems to be everyone’s purpose in life—I foundher. I found the person I was meant to be with. Your mom was the love of my life, and that’s why, even after almost twenty years of her being gone, I have never considered remarrying or even dating.” He took his glasses off, rubbing his eyes for a moment. “But when she passed, my world was rocked. I wanted to run. I wanted to run awayso bad. I felt like I had to escape this town because your mom—she was everywhere.” I reached across the table and grabbed his hand, squeezing gently. “She was in the bathroom, getting ready for the day. She was in the kitchen, making us dinner. She was in the post office, running errands. She was on the ranch, lending a hand when we needed it. She was simply everywhere I looked.”

A single tear fell down my cheek, remembering my mother.

He continued, “But I couldn’t run because I had you four to look out for, and maybe that was a blessing because if I didn’t have you four, I would have run to escape the grief.” He squeezed my hand back. “Dotty, I don’t know what made you run, and I don’t need to know, but I knowsomethingmade you run. Maybe it was your mother, and you finally had the freedom to leave this place. Maybe it was something else entirely or a combination of it all.” I couldn’t keep his gaze, so I looked away as my tears started to fall.

“But let me tell you, staying here, rebuilding this life, finding a new normal with you and your brothers without your mother was what saved me. I learned to see past the grief of her. I learned to make new memories in those spaces and even though she will always be in the deepest part of my heart, so is this town. So whether that place is in Woodstone or Seattle or somewhere else for you, you need to find your place in life. The place that makes you feel whole, thepersonthat makes you feel whole. You need to let go of what youthinkis right for you and accept whatisright.”

It was always easy to talk to my dad. He listened, understood, and always knew if I needed advice or simplyan ear without asking. Time away from this town didn’t change that at all.

I couldn’t find the words to respond, so I simply nodded, standing to walk over to give him a hug.

“You will figure it out, kiddo. I have no doubt about that. Give it time. You still have a couple more months here. In the meantime, you know I’m always here for you.”

“Thanks, Dad. For everything.”

He leaned down to kiss my head. “Of course. Any update on the case?”

“Not really. I asked Colt not to keep me in the know with every little detail.” I was trying to not let it stress me out more than it already did. “He told me they have no major leads right now but are working on it.”

“Nothing the last few weeks though?” he asked.

“Not since Trent and I went to Mount Leston. It’s been oddly quiet.”

“That’s good though.” He smiled.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

We spent the next several hours catching up. The warmth of my childhood home surrounded me, and as I left, I knew it was time to go to the place I had been avoiding since coming back to Woodstone.

The next morning, I drove down the winding roads, the familiar landscape of Woodstone Falls passing by in a blur around me. The early morning mist clung to the trees, and I felt a knot of anxiety tighten in my stomach. As my destination started to come into view, I slowed down, turningonto a gravel path that led to the secluded spot where I had spent hours growing up.

I parked the car and stepped out, the crunch of gravel underfoot the only sound in the stillness. The chill in the air seeped through my jacket, causing me to shiver. The trees parted, revealing the small clearing ahead. As I approached, my heart continued to race.

The headstone came into view, weathered by time but still standing strong. I stopped in front of it, my breath catching in my throat as I read the name.

Darlene Mae James

“Hi, Mom,” I whispered, my voice trembling. “It’s been a while. Ten years, in fact.” I wiped my tears as the wind rustled the leaves in the trees, as if the world itself were responding.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment to gather my thoughts. The weight of the last decade was a boulder on my chest.

“If you were here, I know you’d know exactly what to tell me. You always had a little bit of magic in the love you gave so freely.”

I paused, struggling to remember the years I had with her, but the more time that passed, the harder it had become.

“I’m lost, Mom. I’m so lost.” My voice broke, and I wiped away a tear.

“I spent years working to succeed in a career that I love, and I did. I love what I do, and I spent so many hours and so much work into getting to where I’m at.” I looked up at the sky, the clouds drifting lazily by. “But I also love it here. I love being near the boys. I love that when I get a coffee, they already know what I want and don’t ask for my name. I love being able to travel an hourto the beach, an hour to the mountains, and minutes to be in the middle of nowhere. I love seeing Gracie all the time.” My voice broke on my niece’s name, feeling the weight that my mother would never know her grandchildren. “I just… I feel myself here. I feel closer to you here.

“And Dad’s probably right. Leaving here all those years ago, part of me was running away from you. Desperate to find out who I was as an adult, as a woman, without having you to look up to.”

I sat down on the grass, feeling the dampness seep through my jeans.

“Remember when I used to come to you with all my problems, and you’d know exactly what to say? I need that now more than ever.” I took out my notebook from my bag, flipping through pages filled with my thoughts and dreams.

“You know me, too logical for my own good. I even tried making lists, weighing pros and cons, but nothing feels right. I don’t want to lose what I’ve built in Seattle, but I can’t imagine not being here, in Woodstone. How do I find the balance? How do I honor both parts of my life without sacrificing one for the other?”

The silence that followed was profound, almost comforting. I felt a gentle breeze caress my cheek, and I closed my eyes.

---