Page 50 of Ruckus

“Tawk. My name’s Tawk,” I answer, trying to make sense of all of this.

“That’s unusual and real cool… It’s good to meet ya, Tawk. I wish we were meeting under better circumstances but?—”

A squawking noise comes from her car and she looks back over her shoulder again.

“Mama’s coming, Rory,” she calls out.

“Tawk, I’ve never been in a situation like this one before so I don’t really know what to say to you. Is there someone I can call? I have my cell phone in my diaper bag, but I need you to take that gun away from your head before I leave you to get it.”

“There’s no one you can call,” I tell her, closing my eyes and willing for her to go away.

How is the person I was considering killing just minutes ago, here trying to save my life?

“I know that can’t be true. Think… Think real hard about all the people it would affect if you pulled that trigger. I’m one of them. I don’t wanna start my day by seeing someone’s brain get blown out.” I turn my head and look at her, I guess she wasn’t lying when she said she didn’t know what to say.

“There, eye contact, that’s good. Keep your eyes on me.” She breathes like she’s relieved as I do as she says, and I realize how kind her eyes are. Big kind eyes just like Willow’s.

“We’re in this together now, Tawk, I’m involved.”

“Your baby, he’s crying,” I tell her, shaking my head and wondering how I could have even thought about taking her life.

“I know, I can hear him, and it won't hurt. They say it’s good to let babies cry from time to time. Stops them from getting spoiled.” She laughs.

“I’m sorry.” I break down in tears, dropping the gun from my hand and letting my head fall onto the wheel. “I’m so fucking sorry.” I grip both sides of it and sob.

“That's it, let it all out, You're not alone.” Lettie strokes my back and stays with me, whispering sweet words that I don’t deserve.

She made me empty my gun of bullets before she let me leave. She also gave me her number and told me I had a person now.

What happened today wasn’t just a wake-up call, it was a reckoning, and on my way back to the motel I've been staying in, I picked up some scissors so I could mark it.

Standing in front of the mirror, I take a long, hard look at myself. I’m a man who's loved, and who’s lost. I may not have always fought fair, but until today I’d always seen myself as a good man.

I lost that good in me. I’m not who I’m supposed to be. My tribe wouldn't recognize the man in this mirror, neither would my brothers in Colorado. It would be easy to return to them, to remind myself of who I was, and hope to get him back. But I need to get justice for Willow…The right way. She was born inLong Beach. She was raised there. She’ll remain here and so will I. I’ll feel her in wind. I can touch her in the sand and I will let her spirit guide me on the right path.

A new path.

I take the scissors from the bag and grip hold of my hair, cutting it loose and letting it drop into the basin.

Today the kindness of a stranger saved my life. Willow wouldn't want me to waste the time I have on this earth. Our spirits are destined for each other, and when we find each other again, I want her to be proud of the man who stands in front of her.

I leave my hair in the basin, and the hire car in the parking lot. Then, getting on my bike, I head back to Long Beach to grovel for forgiveness.

“This is pointless.” Saul throws his cards on the table and leans over to take his sister’s hand. “I knew you had one. You can’t play a heart when you have a spade,” he scolds her.

“I thought the whole idea of poker was to play what you like and psych the other players out,” Alicia argues.

“How many times do I have to tell ya, we ain’t playing poker.” Saul sounds as if he’s gonna lose it, while Freya looks across from the other side of the table and smiles at me. I feel her foot creep up the inside of my leg under the table, and when it settles in the gap between them I snatch it up in my hand and squeeze.

“Why don’t we just play something else?” Vike throws in his cards, when he sees that all the girls look confused.

“Or we could play snap. We all know how to play th…” Alicia’s voice tails off as she looks toward the door, and when we turn and see Tawk, he looks very different to how he did before he left.

“You’re back.” Peyton immediately gets up and rushes over to him. “What happened to your hair?” She takes his new jaw-length style between her fingers. “I mean it looks great, but I thought?—”

“I need to speak with everyone.” Tawk doesn’t just look different, he sounds different. Focused, determined, andconfident as he heads into church and waits for us to follow. All eyes turn to Raze, who simply shrugs, gets off his barstool and leads us all to follow after him.

We take our seats while Tawk remains standing, and I can see from the look on his face that what he’s about to tell us ain’t good.

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