Page 49 of Ruckus

“Then what are you crying for, princess.” he laughs, and I stare back at him, wondering how he always manages to make the word that I associate with such a spiteful man sound so comforting.

“I don’t know, it’s been a long day.” I manage a smile.

“You wanna get some sleep.” His lips are close to mine again, and knowing that I can take them whenever I want makes everything seem just that little bit better.

“Not yet.” I reach up and touch them with mine, then sigh in relief when he lifts me off my feet and carries me over to the bed.

Psychopaths don’t need sleep.

I remember hearing that while I was watching a true crime documentary with Willow. She had fluffy socks on her feet and they were resting on my lap. and she was s. I didn’t realize back then how precious those moments were. I took them for granted.

I sit outside Lettie Wilkins' house where I’ve been all night with no sleep, and wonder if maybe I’m a psychopath too.

I’ve learnt a lot of things since I discovered Willow was dead. I’ve learnt that hell can be right here on earth. I’ve figured that loving someone is the most dangerous thing a man can allow himself to do. and I found out that Jessie’s old lady ain’t the only person who can find people.

Lettie Wilkins wasn’t hard to locate, especially since her daddy purchased this house using money from one of the Reapers' legit business. There’s always a paper trail somewhere, and there's always some bright spark who knows how to follow one. I found that bright spark through Connor Monkhouse, the club’s new lawyer. Sold him some story about how I wanted to find a cousin who left my tribe a few years before I patched, and he put me in touch with his boy genius.

Ronnie’s daughter being located here only proves that he’s closing in on us, his plans to form a charter near Long Beach may have failed once before, but he’s building again. He’s taken on leases for a garage, a smokehouse, and a strip joint, right here in San Diego, less than two hours away from our clubhouse and a long way from Sacramento.

I don’t know if Raze is aware of that, I left the club and my brothers behind as soon as I found out my girl was never coming home. I couldn’t sit back and wait for Raze and the others to decide how the Reapers got punished. And now here I am in the car I hired using the fake ID that I also got from boy genius, with my own plan.

Hate, spite, and rage is what drove me to come here. I know that I should have ridden straight back to Colorado. Returned to the reservation and tried to cleanse myself of the dark, retched thoughts that are inside me. I could have tried to forget. But I don’t wanna forget. I don’t want to be free of her. I want Willow with me always, even if I have to carry in grief.

Another thing that I want is justice. I want Ronnie Wilkins to feel pain, and on the inside… where it really hurts. I want him to think of all the things he should have done differently, to blame himself. To have thoughts in his head that eat away at him, and there's only one way I can do that.

I’ve never killed a woman before, it goes against my moral codes, and the clubs. It would have been an unthinkable task, but I feel nothing but pain anymore, there's no room for conscience.

Ronnie Wilkins took Willow from me, and I will take his daughter from him. If he wanted to protect her, he should have hidden her better.

I lean over the seat and snort another line, fueling me with a little more energy before I take the gun from the console.

This girl may have to die, but I don’t want her to suffer. She won’t have asked for this life, she was born into it, just like Willow was. She won’t have to endure the torture Willow did because I’m not a monster.

The weapon feels heavy in my hand, and it shakes as I check that it’s loaded for the tenth time.

I look up in my rear view mirror waiting for someone to come and stop me, but there's no-one around. I close my eyes and see the look of shock and disappointment on Shaniya's and Troj’s face. I think about Abby and Willow, watching me, feeling helpless because there's nothing they can do. I’m too far gone to save. The hate in me is too strong, evil has finally taken my soul, and Lettie Wilkins is about to pay the price.

I stare at her door for another hour and a half before it opens and quickly sit up straight in my seat, as I lower the window of the car.

My hands are still shaking as I lift the gun, ready to end her life, then when I see what she has in her arms I automatically drop it.

“Shit.” Boy genius never told me the girl had a kid. I watch her struggle with the baby seat as she carries it down her path toward her car and suddenly reality hits me like a truck load of shit.

I’ve lost my fuckin’ mind. I was gonna kill this girl. I was gonna kill an innocent young mother just because of who her father is.

Iama monster.

I quickly reach into the footwell where I dropped the gun. There's only one person here who deserves to die today and that's me. I’ve hit rock bottom, and the only person who can save me isn’t here anymore.

My hands shake worse than before when I find the handle and raise the gun to my temple. Closing my eyes, I look tosee Willow's face. I want that to be the last thing I see, maybe somehow if I do, it’ll help me get to her.

“Wait…” I hear a voice, but it’s not Willow’s.

“Please… Don’t do that.” I open my eyes and when I turn to the voice I see Lettie fuckin’ Wilkins crouched outside my window.

“Listen…” She looks back toward her car in a panic. “I have my son in the car and he’s just a baby, but I want to help you. We can talk.” She looks so scared, and it makes me wonder if all this is in my head and I’m holding the gun at her.

“Why don’t you tell me your name? I’m Lettie.” She smiles at me, looking all hopeful.

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