Page 85 of My Promise To Keep

It feels so good to be totally open about us, our history, and how we got to where we’re at right now. She asks about Luke and our family, and I find her so easy to talk to that I’m surprised when Leo’s hands find my shoulders from behind, and he asks if I want to get out of there.

Back at his place,I lay tucked in next to Leo on his sofa.

He presses his lips to my head, and I turn my head to press mine to his chest. He sighs, and I turn my face up to see why.

‘I love when you do that.’

‘What?’ I ask, softly.

‘Little kisses that aren’t meant to lead anywhere, small touches, and tiny little smiles before you go back to doing whatever it is you were doing.’ I smile widely. I can’t help it. ‘It makes me feel like we’re on the same page here.’

Sitting up now, I tip my head to the side as I look down at him. Seeing his serious expression surprises me. I thought we were having a nice time.

‘Weareon the same page.’ He presses his lips together as though he doesn’t believe me. ‘Leo, I’m here with you.’

‘And nobody knows about us.’

‘Because it’s new. I just want us to have some time to get this bedded in.’

He releases a sigh. ‘I heard you telling Angel about Luke.’ I narrow my gaze a little, wondering what his point is. ‘They are my friends, Zoe. They didn’t need to know.’

‘She was asking about my life.’ My tone is a little sharper, defensive.

‘I know, but…’

‘No buts, he was my husband and a huge part of our story. Are you expecting me to censor myself now? Erase him?’

I climb over his legs and stand, walking to the kitchen to get some water, knowing he’ll follow. Heat races up my neck to my cheeks.

‘Of course, I’m not. I guess I just want to know when it stops being a factor.’ I turn to him, confusion twisting my features. ‘It’s been eleven years, Zoe, but every decision has him in it. You were worried our family would think we betrayed him, so for three months I’ve had to be with you in secret, but then you tell my friend about him. How do you think that makes me look? Makes me feel? I thought we were doing this for real, Zo, that this was our chance at something solid.’

‘It is.’

‘Is it? Because it kind of feels like maybe you told her about him to remind yourself not to get too deep into this.’

‘Are you kidding me right now?’ I put down my glass and walk around him toward the bedroom.

‘Zo.’ He follows me in.

‘I can’t believe you just said that to me, Leo.’ I pace, unsure what to do. I don’t like this.

‘I just don’t know why you brought him up.’

‘Because he’s my husband.’ I yell, exasperated.

‘Was, Zo. Hewasyour husband.’ I inhale sharply and fight the tears that wet my eyes. ‘And I’m just the guy you’re fucking.’

He turns to walk out of the room, and I wrap my arms around my chest, letting the tears fall. Why did I tell Angel about Luke? It just felt like a natural part of the conversation, but I haven’t considered this from Leo’s perspective.

I move to sit on the bed. What if Luke was my ex? If we had broken up instead of him dying. If I met Leo and kept bringing my ex into all our conversations, how would that feel for him?

It’s not the same though, is it? Luke meant so much to both of us.

But Angel didn’t know him. I met her, Leo’s friend, for the first time today and told her about Luke.

I want all of this with him, all of it, and I didn’t bring Luke up for any reason other than him being a part of the story, but it’s time to let him go. If I want this to work with Leo, I need to makehimthe main character.

Standing, I make my way toward his tiny balcony and stand in the open doorway. I take a moment to look at him, and my heart beats faster in my chest, and my stomach twists. His strong back stretches the fabric of his shirt as his muscular arms grip the handrail. The evening air dances over his short hair as his jaw ticks with uncertainty and frustration.

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