Page 62 of Start Your Engines

Where is that white fluffball? He’s teased me with his refusal to be cuddled unless it’s on his terms. He glared at me for the first three days, and then, in the middle of the night, he was there, pawing at me, scratching me until I turned on my side so he could settle in the crook of my arm. He insisted I stroked him and stretched out his paws with menacing claws until I did. And he knocked my cuddly Coults toy out of the bed like a jealous little bastard.

I check my phone for the umpteenth time that week, but Senna hasn’t called. It’s been several days since Jimmy brought me home and I sent the resignation. The bruise around my eye is fading, and the scratches are nearly gone. Senna’s probably in Australia with Mr. Probably Spends All His Time Taking Selfies Vet. It’s not like I have anything to offer her. I’m a racing driver who’s too scared to drive, hiding away in his beach house, cat-sitting a cat that hates him.

My phone rings, but I ignore it when I see Niki on the screen.

The sand of my private beach fills my view, and a little ways down, the lake laps at the edge. I open the window a crack to immerse myself in the sound of the water. Blue therapy, beingnear water, can help with mental health, so here I am. It’s miles from anywhere and anyone, which is perfect.

Is Senna thinking of me, or am I another stain on her busy life? She’ll probably return from summer break with the glow of a woman finally finding the love she’s searched for and deserved. It doesn’t matter because I won’t be seeing her again.

Did she pick up on the word “Yours” in my email?

She must be having sex marathons with Mr. Can’t Satisfy You Because He’s Busy Finishing His Protein Shake Vet.

The phone rings again—Niki. I can’t avoid him forever, and speaking to him is better than seeing anyone in person.

“Finally,” Niki says when I answer.

“What do you want?” I’m sullen, and I don’t care.

Niki got me into this mess, but his sister didn’t get me out of it. Childhood best friends have lost all meaning. They’re jerks. And I still love them.

“To check you’re okay,” he replies.

Hearing his voice softens some of my hardening heart. And remembering Senna’s face as I kissed her at the bar makes the other part of my heart soften.

“Me and Fluffers are doing fine, thank you.” I crouch down and peek under the generic Swedish catalogue–ready sofa, trying to locate the fluffy bastard. Having never lived here, I’ve spent no time making it homely.

“Who is Fluffers?” The sound of seagulls rings in my ears.

“Are you at a beach?”

From the intel Ralf shared with me, Niki is renting an AirBnB in a remote area in Europe. For now, we’re leaving him to do what he needs to.

“Kinda. Who is Fluffers?” he asks again.

I open the cupboards as I hunt the cat. He’s not allowed outside because he’s only staying for a few weeks. We don’t want him attempting to trek home.

“Jimmy’s cat. I said I’d cat-sit because I wouldn’t go anywhere during summer break.” Or after the break, I add silently.

“Why aren’t you going anywhere? Is this about the crash?”

“I’d decided before the crash. Not that it’s any of your business. It’s not like you’re around for me.” I sound worse than a grumpy teenager. I could call my mum or Layla, and they’ll be here within a day, and so would some of my team, although they’ll hate me when they learn I’ve left. Either way, Senna isn’t here for me, and that hurts more than I want to admit to her brother. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does. I’m sorry I’m not around for you. I have things I need to deal with.”

“What things?”

“Stuff. You’re not the only one lonely this summer.”

I’m in the bedroom now, searching under the bed, checking behind my chest of drawers. I catch my dishevelled appearance in the mirror. My hair thrusts out at weird angles, as if I’ve been hiding under the bed. My joggers and branded T-shirts have seen better days, and I'm starting to grow a beard for the first time in my life.

“Are you lonely, Niki?”

“I meant Senna,” Niki murmurs.

My stomach bottoms out at her name. It’s the first time someone has said it aloud. The thoughts I’ve had while attempting to sleep aren’t the thoughts you have about your best friend’s little sister.

“She won’t stop working. She’s got to take the next two weeks off per the summer break rules, and she’s not far from where you’re staying.”

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