Page 117 of Start Your Engines

“It’s the last race of the season, Sen. We’ve just got to get through today,” she says.

“Then watch our hopes and dreams die,” I add without emotion.

I close my eyes and squeeze them tightly, smelling the typical garage smells of diesel and rubber. I barely feel anymore, so numb from the last week. I’m praying for the end of the season even as I run away from the prospect of what it means.

“You’re doing well, Senna.” She grips my shaking hand between hers.

I open my eyes and sigh. “For someone about to lose their team because her family didn’t believe in her?”

Jacs laughs half-heartedly before lowering her voice as staff members move around the garage. “No, for someone faking being okay and trying to fix everything alone, even though she has the most supportive team and boyfriend ready to take on the world with her. The same boyfriend who gave her all the orgasms.”

“Oi.” I pull my hand away and shake my head. “You’ve got a point, but what a way to throw it in my face.”

Her mouth tilts in a smile. “What? I know what you did in my garage—my sacred space. I’m half annoyed and half jealous. You put a dent in one of my cars, for fuck’s sake. How hard did he slam you against it?”

I cock my eyebrow. “Who said he did the slamming?”

We burst into laughter, although it dries up quickly.

“Are you excited for Taylor Swift’s concert after the race? You’ve played her songs on repeat a lot recently,” Jacs says, straightening the collar of her overalls.

I wince. “Everyone heard, then?”

“Jimmy hates ‘Love Story’ after the number of times you’ve played it this week. If he could burn all the copies, including digital ones, he’d do it in a heartbeat,” Jacs explains.

My shoulders hunch as I blush. “I won’t be going tonight.”

“But it might lift your mood.”

I raise my eyebrows.

She holds her hands up and adds, “Okay, okay. I knew it was bullshit as soon as I said it. You’re losing your team and everything you’ve worked for. But Connor is waiting for you to say the word, and he’ll be by your side.”

My soul drops into an abyss it will never find its way out of. That happens every time I think about him, so every second of every day. “I’ve thought about what my brother said and he’s right. I know Connor was supporting me and not protecting me, and I’m over the whole talking about me behind my back. But how can I be a team boss and be with him?”

She throws her gloves down and grips my shoulders so tightly I can’t back away. “One of the reasons we’re a family now is because of you two. Yes, you made this happen, but you were extra special together and better as a team than alone. You two have a love for the ages, and do you know what?”

“What?”

Jacs walks away. “Ignore I said anything.”

“Tell me.”

She turns around. “You’ve made some off decisions this week. You were trying to keep him at arm’s length, but he’s not your liability.”

“I know.” I sit in my chair and hold my head in my hands. “He’s my heart and soul—but a driver and the boss? Everyone will lose their respect for me if they learn what I did. It would be cliché if I weren’t the only female boss in this industry. Talk about doing a disservice to the women fighting to be respected and recognised in racing.”

She smacks her palm to my forehead, making me squeal. “You’re the first boss in years to bring a female driver to race in Formula One. You have female engineers and mechanics, not for the sake of it, but because we’re brilliant. You set up a sponsorship for future female drivers so they can join the sport, and you petitioned the FIA regarding the bullying you endured to ensure no one else is pushed out of the sport for that reason.” With each point, Jacs points at me.

“You knew about all that?”

My face heats. I was lucky to have a dad who ran a team. Lots of other women wouldn’t get the same chances as me. He may have been an arse, but he pushed people to let me be part of things others wouldn’t. I love him as much as I want to scream at him.

“You’re not great at keeping secrets.”

I glare at her and pout, but it quickly becomes a smile. “Yeah, whatever.”

She grins back. “And in terms of losing the respect of your team, what makes you think they’d ever stop respecting you? You’re proud of Connor.”

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