Page 51 of Knot So Broken

His hair is messy but he still looks just as handsome as he does when it is styled even though I’m certain he hardly pulls a brush through the blonde locks. It gives me a bit more time to take him in completely without the pressure or embarrassment of him seeing me ogling him.

Even though Jax and Theo are brothers, they couldn’t be any more different from each other.

While Jax and Ledger are all hard edges, Theo is softer.

Although it isn’t in a way I know some men would be butt hurt at what is absolutely a compliment. I love the softness of Theo. It's ultimately what made it easier for me to actually speak to him that first day we met. He has the kind of personality that makes him approachable. That, instead of setting people on edge like I’m sure both Ledger and Jax have the tendency to do, Theo has this strange ability of making people feel comfortable.

His features insist that he would be a typical fuck boy Alpha. The kind that knows what he has and will gladly use it to his advantage. Yet, I’ve not got that kind of vibe from him. He seems much more earnest than I think people give him credit for.

I trail my eyes over his smooth blemish free skin, cursing his perfect genes but also reveling in them. It's impossible for my mind not to wonder what our babies will one day look like.

Will they have Theo’s soft blonde hair or my darker auburn locks? Will they have freckles like I do or will their skin be clear and smooth like Theo’s?

I shake my head trying to rid my brain of that particular train of thought. Getting lost down the road of babies is dangerous territory.

I wouldn’t be the youngest Omega to have jumped straight into having babies once meeting their mates. I’m sure half of the mated Omegas my age that have experienced heats have without a doubt already been impregnated if not already with children under foot. I’ve seen at least one of two formed packs utilising the care facilities at Ridgeview. I mean that is the point of heats after all, isn’t it?

For the Alphas to give the Omega as much cum as they possibly can to ensure that she falls pregnant.

My breath halts in my chest for a moment.

Heats?Fuck!

I have been an Omega for well over seven years now. Not once have I had a heat. I know that I presented incredibly early compared to others of my designation but that can’t be right can it? I should have had a heat within the first month with or without Alphas. I know that there are heat clinics specifically for Omegas to help them without the pressure of having to find a pack.

Why has it never occurred to me that maybe something was wrong? Panic begins to flood my system as I start to think the worst. Am I really that broken? I just thought that it was my brain and parts of my body, not my entirety. What if this means that I will never be able to have children? That I will never be able to hold my own child that I have made with one of my Alphas?

What if they find out that I can’t give them children and they leave me? I start to break out in a full body sweat as I start thinking the worst.

Why is it when I begin to feel the tiniest bit of happiness something else dampens it? “Kennedy? Kennedy? What's wrong?”

I gasp as a bleary eyed Jax pops into my line of sight. His hands come up to hold my face, “What’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare? I can feel your panic and pain through the bond.”

I whimper at Jax’s words, the thought of my feelings travelling through our bond to hurt him is unthinkable.

In the matter of a second, both Theo and Ledger are coming up beside Jax, both of their faces laced with concern.

“I don’t… I…” I stutter, struggling to find the words to explain the sudden alarm. “Take a breath for me, Angel and try again. It's okay, we are right here. We’ve got you,” Jax murmurs, his words calming me down enough to follow his instructions. I nod my head after I have taken a few breaths and nod indicating that I want to move. My Alphas move away from me, giving me enough room to sit up and bring my legs up to my chest so I am able to curl around them.

“We haven’t really had much or a chance to go into much detail about our pasts as everything has been crazy. Just know that I neverplanned on hiding this from you guys, it just didn’t have a chance to come up in conversation yet.”

Ledger arches a brow, “What do you mean, Little Omega? You are making me worried.”

I sigh deeply, closing my eyes for a moment and braving myself. “The day of my sixteenth birthday, we were out in the garden. My father was holding one of his usual lunches. It was just a way for him to climb the ranks. He has been thirsty for power my entire life. The abuse wasn’t as bad back then. While he has never been shy at hurling explicits, it was never physical. Not until I perfumed for the first time in a party full of unmated Alphas.”

The entire room is silent. I keep my gaze locked at a piece of fluff on the blanket, not game enough to look up at them. The thought of seeing disgust on their face is too much. Yet I already know that it is a possibility, so I continue anyway.

“Thankfully, one of my father’s maids was able to get me out of there before I incited a riot. My father was furious. Called me a filthy slut for trying to whore myself out to Alphas without his approval,” A lone tear rolls down my cheek, “It was the first day he hit me.” Each of the men growl but I still can’t will myself to look up at them.

“From that day on, my father locked me away in one of the rooms in the attic. Any other privileges that I had before were completely gone. Not only was I isolated even more than he already had ensured, it became worse than a jail cell. If I displeased him in any way, he would make me pay. Some days he would just take his anger out on me just because I was in his vicinity.” I scoff, shaking my head, "Maybe that's whyI’m so broken.”

“You are not broken, Kennedy,” Ledger growls, his voice sounding almost otherworldly. My head snaps up to his to see a mixture of anger and despair on his face. It shocks me. I thought he would be disgusted in me to know I presented so young and in such a horrific way.

I look at both Jax and Theo who also have similar expressions on their faces. “What? I don’t understand.”

“Kennedy, it’s not your fault that you presented the way that you did. You do understand that right?” Theo says, but I just shake my head. Of course it was my fault. I couldn’t control myself. Just like my father said.

“You can’t help when and where you present. Our mother apparently presented in the middle of a grocery store. She was just lucky that our Dads happened to be there at the same time.” Jax smiles, but there is a hint of sadness behind it that doesn’t quite make sense. I make note to ask him about it later.

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