Page 52 of Knot So Broken

“I feel like there is more to this than just you presenting early,” Ledger says gently. It doesn’t surprise me that it was him that caught that.

I wince but nod confirming his thoughts. Anxiety clenches my stomach, making me feel queasy but I push past it knowing they are going to find out one way or another. “I still haven’t had a heat. I might not be able to give you children.”

My voice breaks on the last word. It's as though a damn breaks inside of me as pain that I have kept blocked out overcomes me. Bodies surround every side of me. Hands touch me, rubbing my back, arms and legs. Voices murmur assurances and loving words to me but none of it registers.

I kick myself for breaking down into a crying mess, yet again. It feels like it's all that I have done since meeting these three Alphas.

Is it just the fact that I am a sook? Or is it the fact that for the first time I feel safe enough to be able to process these feelings once and for all?

I hate crying. Especially like this. It makes me feel weak. Even more so that every time I shed a tear in the past, I was beaten until they eventually just stopped coming one day. After what could either be minutes or hours, I wipe the last of my tears away. I look up, finding Jax, Theo and Ledger looking down at me broken.

“You aren’t broken, my precious Omega.”

I scoff, wiping snot and tears on the blanket. It's disgusting but it's better than letting it drip down my face. I remind myself to make sure I change the sheets before we get back in here later tonight.

“Admittedly, I don’t know all that much about Omega’s heats,” Theo pipes up, “but if you are this worried about it, we will take you to a doctor today to get them to check it out, okay?” I nod, biting my lip.

“Once the tests come back, we will go from there. If they determine that you can’t have children, that's okay. We can adopt. We have time, sweet girl.”

I nod again, feeling some of my stress dissipate. I know it won’t completely go away until after we receive results but at least it's a step in the right direction, I guess. “It breaks my heart to think that you are already so worried about making a family with us, Omega.”

I shrug my shoulders, feeling slightly embarrassed as I duck my head back down to look at the sheets half covering my body. I knew it was too soon to be thinking like that. I knew I just got ahead of myself.

Theo grunts and before I know it, he is dragging me into his lap.

“It also makes me so fucking thankful to know that you are wanting to one day have a family with us too, love. The idea of your belly being heavy and rounded, filled with our pups is like a dream come true.”

My eyes blow wide but at the quirk of Theo’s eyebrow, I know he isn’t done yet. “Having a family with you isn’t the only thing I want out of this though, Kennedy.”

“It's not?”

I don’t quite believe him if I am honest. I have overheard too many conversations between Alphas that have only wanted an Omega for what they can give them. That being a warm hole to slide into at the end of the day and for them to produce an heir. For them, it was like having an Omega is just a show of power. It was something that I had just come to accept when dreaming of what it would be like finding my pack. I mean it wouldn’t be all that bad, could it?

“No, Kennedy. I want you because you have such a beautiful soul. I can see it inside of you and have since the first moment I laid eyes on you. You have this fire about you even though you are so gentle. It’s something I am desperate to see more of. I want toloveyou. I want to makeyouhappy. It’s not about what you can give me at all. I want to give everything I could possibly have to offer to you and more.”

My eyes widen at his words. A ping shoots through my chest. Something I know I shouldn’t hold so close to my chest but it's impossible not to.

I want it. I want everything he just said. More than I even want my next breath, which comes in slightlyrasped.

“Really?”

He nods, a smile turning the corners of his lips, “Of course. That’s all I have wanted to do for days now. It's consuming my every waking thought.”

He chuckles, his soft smile turning cheeky for a moment, “I mean, it also wouldn’t hurt to see my mark on your neck either seeing how Jax got the jump on me.”

Said Alpha growls, leaning over to wack Theo on the arm, “It’s not my fault.” Theo just rolls his eyes with a laugh. It's obvious that he isn’t upset which is a relief. I know some of the ‘lead Alphas’ can become upset when any of the other Alphas mark their Omegas first. I’m thankful that Theo just isn’t like that. He is comfortable in his Alpha-inity.

Chapter Eighteen

The moment I tell the guys that I want to go to the doctors to get checked out, they immediately get up and begin rushing to get ready. Theo is already on the phone to a clinic, booking me an appointment. I sit in silence as I watch each of them rushing around the room to get ready.

It hasn’t yet sunk in that these Alphas actually want me in their lives and not just for their own sick satisfaction. I never thought I would ever get that. It was never even in my list of possibilities. Of course I wanted a pack for my own but having it like this feels like something that dreams are made of.

They want me. Me and all of my fractured parts even though they have said that they don’t see me that way. It warms my heart but also terrifies me at the same time. I don’t want any of this to just be taken away from me. It kind of feels like it is too good to be true. That if I am to let my guard down, my heart will just get broken. That's the one thing that I don’t think I could survive. To be given hope only for it to be torn away from me.

Yet, here I am, letting the three Alphas in, even at the risk of my own detriment.

Ledger pauses halfway through collecting his jeans and tee he must have discarded before hopping into bed with me last night. Through all my panic, I didn’t even realize they were all only in boxers. It sends a ping disappointment through me that I didn’t get to enjoy what they were offering as I take in the broad expanse of his chest.

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