Page 21 of Broken By It

“She seemed different today. I don’t know what’s going on at home. Not knowing you offered, I did invite her here. It’s Hollis’s first time sliding. I thought she might want to be included. Since this wasn’t planned for me to tag along, I didn’t want to intrude without offering her an opportunity to join us. I don’t want her to get the wrong idea about me and my intentions. I don’t want to overstep.”

I look to the sky for some kind of divine intervention. Frustration fills me. “Shit’s complicated with her.” I don’t want to get into how bad it is with anyone, but especially not Maritza.

She turns to face me. “I gather that with her reaction.”

“Is she coming?” There is no reason to beat around the bush. I need to mentally prepare for Anna to join us. I have failed in life, in my marriage, but I don’t need it on display for the people close to me.

Maritza shakes her head. “She is missing out,” she whispers sadly.

I don’t know why, but I lean over and press my lips to her forehead. “Her loss, Zizi.”

“I can’t imagine missing the fun days,” she tells me what I feel to my core as her hands come to rest on my hips. The embrace is natural in a way I’ve never experienced.

Pulling her to me, I hold her as I rest my chin on top of her head. “I don’t ever want to miss them either. I appreciate youwanting to include Anna. Time is a thief and he’s growing too fast.”

She relaxes against me with her cheek pressed to my chest. “Dillon, I think she needs help. She’s disconnected and I can’t seem to pull her back in. There is a saying,the days are long, but the years go fast.It’s the truth about kids. She is lost to the days, but she’s missing the years.”

“I know,” I mutter before releasing her needing some space. Having her close makes me crave more. “I have asked her to see someone. I took her to the doctors; they called it post-partum depression when he was little. Now, I don’t know what it is. She won’t go back to the doctor. I can’t help her because she doesn’t want help. All we can do is be here to give Hollis our time and attention, so he isn’t the one losing love from people around him.”

She smiles brightly, “I absolutely can do that. I love that little boy,” she looks to him.

“I know, baby, I know.”

Maritza, she embraces every milestone for Hollis as if it’s a reason to celebrate. It’s not just her, the entire club, they love being part of my son’s life. I never imagined this would be the family I made for myself. Leaving home years ago, I thought family was about husband, wife, kids, and a dog. Now, it’s so much more and I’m grateful for my club and what I have here.

I finish covering Maritza’s skin in the cream to prevent burns. She makes sure Hollis is slathered in the sunscreen before getting him to drink water. She is insistent with him about staying hydrated. It’s cute because she makes sure he likes drinking water. The way she takes care of my son is something I never expected. She will one day make a man very happy and to the children they raise together, she will be a present mom where her kids don’t question if she cares. It will be a beautiful thing for her. I hope she finds a man who will be devoted toher and gives her the world. There isn’t anyone who deserves it more.

Needing to put space between us, I step back before scooping up Hollis and heading to the slides. I’m here for him and this experience, not to stand around admiring the woman I can’t have.

“It’s really high, daddy,” Hollis tells me squeezing my hand as we climb the steps to the top platform.

“Yeah, it is.”

“Gonna go down fast,” he squeals with excitement.

That’s my boy, dare-devil, thrill seeking, adrenaline fueled and fearless little dude.

On one hand I want to remain angry with Anna and on the other I want to find some way to raise our son together with respect. It’s like two different sides in the emotional pendulum. Anger drives the fighting while respect goes a long way to a life of co-existing in peace.

Anger is easy to hold onto. I don’t feel like Anna wants to have peace with me. I gave up on the idea we could have love again a long time ago. It’s the fighting I want to stop.

I want to respect her as my son’s mother. I want her to respect me as his father. It’s very simple. I want us both to put our son above our needs and our emotions to give him the best childhood that neither of us had.

For Hollis, this moment, his joy, I’m not going to do that. I won’t taint today’s memories with her problems. I want to forget how my day started and let it go. Deciding to stay in the moment with my son, we continue to the top. At the landing, the attendant places the double ring float down and Hollis sits in his spot with me following behind.

“Hold me, daddy,” he tells me right before the attendant moves us into place.

I lean forward squeezing his shoulders as the water takes over pushing us rapidly down the tunnel slide with my boy laughing all the way. We hit the water, and it splashes around us. I shake my head to get the water out of my face and I’m immediately greeted by Maritza at the edge of the pool taking pictures. She’s smiling proudly in a way that hits me right to my very soul. The way she genuinely absorbs every memory with my son is inspiring. She treasures him and gets as excited as Hollis for both the little and big things. Life for him (and me) would be less enjoyable without her in it.

For a moment, it’s nothing but happiness for me, Maritza and my son. I want to stop the seconds from passing and stay right here, right now. The ease of today, the peace inside me, I wish I had more times like this.

“Zizi, did you see me?” he asks sliding out of the float and swimming right to the edge where Maritza is. Always going right to her.

She immediately scoops him up into her arms swinging him around. “I saw you! That was so fast! You were zooming right down and then it was a BIG splash.”

Hollis smiles proudly, “Zizi, you go with me?”

“Never had a better invitation, buddy,” she delights in telling him as they take off up the steps to come back down a slide again.

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