Page 1 of Broken By It

PROLOGUE

DILLON

Eighteen Years Old

The mall isquiet for a weekend. I’m surprised, but happy. “You sure about this shit, man?” Link asks me frankly, while we blindly stare at the glass display case.

Do I know what I’m doing? Not exactly. I don’t think anyone my age does. We are too young to have everything figured out. I know I love her, and I want this. Am I naïve to think it will work? Yeah. Yet, Link keeps reminding me like I don’t already know it.

I’m eighteen, Link is twenty, we are old enough to get ourselves in trouble, but dumb enough to not truly understand real consequences. Honestly, we probably don’t know shit about shit in life, only there is this part inside of me that says I have half a clue. Would my subconscious lie to me? I’ve never done this before, but it’s what comes next. This is what adults do. I’m an adult now. And there is absolutely nothing I want more in this life than to build a family with the woman I love completely.

Do I have questions? Lots of them, absolutely.

I may not know much right this minute, but I’m willing to try. The one thing I do know without a doubt, it’s time I build my own family. There isn’t a single question about my plans to get that going. Call me naïve, crazy, or even stupid, but I think it’s okay to go forward with what I feel called to do even if I don’t have all the responses ready. Whatever may come, I’ll take it on when I have to.

I smile proudly. “Never been more sure. She’s it for me.”

Link shakes his head. “First taste of pussy doesn’t have to be the last, Dillon. Damn, we’re young. Got a whole life and a ton of women ahead of us. Give her a promise ring or some shit. Don’t have to go this far.”

Playfully, I shove him. I’m not one to kiss and tell, so he has no clue what Anna and I share. “You know this ain’t about sex and shit. It’s just when ya know, ya know. Damn, Link, look at your parents. High school sweethearts and they made it work.”

I am a little irritated at his insinuation, I can’t hide it. Link is a bit of a man-whore. He doesn’t know love. Not the love I have with Anna. I don’t need to have sex to know she’s my ride or die.

Hell, I’ve tasted her pussy, but until she has my last name, there is no taking a test drive. We have agreed. More like, Anna said she’s saving herself, but yeah, I am not going to push. It’s respectable. There is more than sex between us and a lot behind my decision to take our relationship to the next level. None of my reasoning is motivated by physical desires. The way I see it, once we are married, there will be more than enough time for having sex. For this time, I’m going to give her what she needs and not pressure her for sex.

“Dude, you don’t have to leave. Why don’t you stay here, go to college and see how things play out with Anna?” Link’s brother Ven adds, “you know mom and dad aren’t in any hurry for you to move out and neither are we. The Marines will still be there in a year or two.”

He speaks the truth about all of it. No one is asking me to leave. I can’t explain it, there is something inside of me screaming to venture out. Ven is my age and then they have a younger brother Nix who is sixteen. I don’t remember much about life without them. The memories I do have aren’t the best. As much as they accept me as their brother, I know my truth. And it’s laced into the fabric of who I am whether I like it or not, I can’t change my beginnings.

Shaking my head, I don’t know what to say. They have all told me over and over building up to my eighteenth birthday plus the upcoming graduation from high school. Constantly reminding me I belong with them. Like it’s on repeat,“nothing changes, Dillon. We support you. If you want to go to college, we will make it happen, if you want to live here, your room is your room.”Yada, yada, yada. Same shit day in and out. They mean well, all of them. Only, no one can understand what goes on inside my head.

My cousins are close to me like brothers. That’s how we’ve been raised. Truly, I have the best family with my aunt, uncle, and cousins. They took me in and didn’t ever let me feel like I was a burden. Even though I’m sure at times having another mouth to feed, boy to clothe, and young man to tote around from practices to school functions wasn’t easy. I know my being part of their family cost them, financially, emotionally, and of their time. I will always be indebted to my aunt and uncle for not turning me away. They gave me consistency when otherwise I would have been tossed into chaos.

Facts are facts and I’m not their responsibility anymore. They accepted me and took that on when I was a minor. No matter what they say, it’s how I feel.

Now, though, I have to do for myself because I’m not their brother. Sure, they don’t say that no one does. Only, I know my truth. Also, I know their parents aren’t kicking me out oranything like that. They are cut from a different cloth and took me on as a little one. They love me, treat me, and accept me as one of their own kids. Their act of kindness is immeasurable. I will forever be grateful.

I have a plan for my future. I don’t need to stay here, using more of their kindness and love. I feel like they have given me more than they ever needed to. From the day I was born, they have given me unconditional love. Something my own mother never could give. As for my father, anyone’s guess on who he is goes. There isn’t a single lead, not even a name dropped by my mother around the time of my conception. From the day I was left behind, they stepped in and never let me feel the void.

All those years ago, they should have put me in foster care. No one would have judged them for it. If they had done what my mother planned to do and turn me over to the state, this would be my path: graduate and go. That is how it works for the other wards of the state. Aging out, that’s the process they call it. Happy birthday figure shit out.

Whether they realize it or not, it’s my reality. I should have been in the system. And that system would put me out at eighteen. I respect what they have given me, but I have to take care of myself. I need to find my own way. I need to have my own family.

The kind of family that doesn’t bail on responsibilities and commitments. The kind of family that is bonded through thick and thin.

My aunt, uncle, and cousins are the best. Not once have I ever felt like I didn’t belong. In fact, I’ve had a relatively normal childhood with them. To an outsider, there is no way to imagine what happened to me. The average person doesn’t get dropped and dashed like a damn take-out order.

Sure, it could have been worse. I wasn’t abused like a lot of kids, both in the system and stuck in a home with jacked upparents. None of that changes the voice inside my head that has always told me I wasn’t enough to keep. I wasn’t worth sticking around for. There isn’t a single thing to change the fact that she walked away without a second thought.

The truth though, will always burn deep. The way my mother went with me to have a visit at her brother’s house and never looked back is a trauma I don’t know that people get over. Maybe someone stronger than me can, but I haven’t been able to shake it no matter how much I try to. There isn’t a lack of love or attention from my family. I just can’t seem to let go. Compounded with what happened, I feel a need to get out of here and pave my own path.

The questions plague me and there is no changing the way I can’t shake them. It’s simple really, why did my mother leave me? How could she carry me, give birth to me, and then bail?

I was four years old the last time I saw my mother. I don’t remember much. She was with me when we got to Uncle Ty’s house. Aunt Kellie took me upstairs to the playroom with their sons, Link, Ven, and Nix. I went to bed thinking she was downstairs talking to my uncle. She didn’t tuck me in, although, she didn’t really tuck me in regularly. We didn’t have those kinds of routines, which was an adjustment when I came to live here because Aunt Kellie has all the schedules and traditions and smothers all of us with her love. When I got up the next morning, I had breakfast with my cousins and my mom never came to the table. The day went on and she wasn’t there.

That was it.

My mother never said goodbye. I don’t know when she left, only she was gone and never looked back. It took me a day or two to ask for her. I don’t remember the answer Uncle Ty gave me early on. I know I had this nervous anticipation with every holiday. Well, until the date passed, and she didn’t arrive. Notonce did she come for a single holiday, not even a birthday card in the mail.

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