Page 37 of Born in the Spring

“That’s what I’ve decided.” All the tension evaporates as Mom moves into the gap between us, the air cooler again, taking one of our hands in each of hers and guiding us back in a lean at the railing. “I’ve decided what we’re gonna do,” she repeats with a wry look at Elara, then pauses, blowing a slow breath out ahead. “And no questioning me or interrupting me,” she adds suddenly, this one directed at me.

“I never do that,” I say as a tease.

“You’re already starting.” She pulls mine and Elara’s hands closer in, and we let ourselves be pulled closer into her. “I’m going to reopen Jude’s Way tomorrow.Me.Early, before opening. I don’t want a fuss about it. It’s closed today, and tomorrow it will just be open. And we’ll have the race for Shepherd on Thanksgiving.” Her voice lowers with his name, and so does my stare, down to our clasped hands as I stack my other on top. “We’ll close everything like we normally do, but we’ll all come together in the evening. We’ll do all the refreshments and everything just like we always have. I might even make something small for a holiday treat.” She sniffs, all her tears in her nose and her eyes, none in her voice or hersmile, as she looks between me and Elara again.

“Deal,” Elara agrees, with that same wetness in her eyes.

My smile isn’t hard to find as I meet Mom’s now, even more warmth spreading over our winter, and I nod my support to one of the strongest women I know. She lost a son and she lost a husband, and she keeps pushing forward with all she has.

She has me. And Elara, the second strongest woman webothknow. And an entire community at her side.

“We have a lot to be thankful for,” Mom says with a sigh that sounds like a release. “We just needed a big reminding.” She bumps her shoulder into Elara’s and Elara’s eyes get wetter. And when she locks those darkened storming eyes with mine, an entire conversation passes between us, a struggle in those depths that looks so much like the one that was in mine at the funeral.

A blink and miss it moment, as she blinks back to my mom.

But I’m not missing a thing.

Fifteen

Jasper / Then

Ifound Elara at the lift, waiting for Shepherd to take her to the top of Cyrus’s Bow.

I wasn’t exactly trying to spy on them—I stopped torturing myself in that way once they got together—but rather, I was trying to salvage Elara’s night.

I’d heard from Mom that Shepherd was late getting in, which was usually code for another delay, and when I booted through the snow, finding Elara standing alone, her phone at her ear, I knew he wasn’t making it back until tomorrow.

It wasn’t my brother’s fault he couldn’t always be there for her. But it also wasn’t my fault I could be.

I caught up to her at the tail of him letting her down. I could hear the feeling in her words without actually making them out.

And I should’ve waited farther back.

“No, I know. I love you too.”

I glanced away, hiding the sudden flush that hit my face behind the cloud of my breath, and steeling my heart, as I’dlearned to do, with another one, though Elara wasn’t even looking my way.

“I know you will. Bye.” She murmured the word, then stared down at her phone a moment before slipping it into her pocket and stuffing her hands into both, tugging her jacket around her.

Half of my race to stand in was selfish, because of course it was. I wanted as much of Elara’s time and attention as I could get. But she had been looking forward to this lesson all week, and I also didn’t want her to feel let down.AndI was an actual teacher; Shepherd technically wasn’t.

He would have something to say about it later, just like he had something to say about our Saturday nights, which I’d since gotten over being too bitter about. He’d put a stop to them, and I understood why Elara let him; she’s Elara, but my brother’s reasoning was he thought she was giving me the wrong idea. By hanging out with me every Saturday night. Like we’d hung out any other day or night. And just as alone. Yes, on those nights, we were alone in semi-darkness, in front of a fire, but I knew what it was for me wasn’t what it was for Elara. I wasn’t dumb; they were together, and she and I were just friends. It didn’t feelright, but I didn’t have that wrong, either.

And I missed those nights. I needed them. They were important to me.

Elara gave me a smile—her real one—when I joined her carrying my own board and helmet. It was up to her, when I was literally offering her my hand, and my skills, and she didn’t say no.

I put on my helmet, freeing a hand to carry her board for her, but she just copied my move, her blue eyes deepening incolor under the copper of her helmet as she kept them on me, and she waved me off, along with Susan, one of our lifts operators.

It was brighter out. The floodlights kicked on as soon as the sun went down, but tonight, we also had moonlight.

One guess for what day of the week this night was.

We were quiet as she walked beside me to Emmy’s Blanket, the crunch of snow under our steps muffling together. I didn’t acknowledge out loud that it was a Saturday night, and neither did she. But when I peeked at her, it was there in the way she was already peeking back at me.

She kept her hand that was at my side hidden away in her pocket, like maybe to avoid bumping it into mine while we were so close together and creating some moment wewouldhave to acknowledge. Even if it was a small locking of eyes, it would be there. But she knew I wouldn’t go as far as trying to hold her hand. I’d taken her hand before, in a helping kind of way, and only for a few seconds, but I’d never felt the soft glide of her fingers lacing with mine. Because she didn’t belong to me.

Tonight, though, I’d be taking her hand again, in another helping kind of way, but I’d be feeling her skin for longer than a few seconds. We both had forgotten to grab gloves—that was the most likely reason hers was in her pocket—and I let myself smile about that.

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