Page 30 of Born in the Spring

And Court is wearing his high hat. “Well…notexactly.”

I stuff the second slice of bread into my mouth to keep from throwing it at him. He laughs at my bulging cheeks as I work my jaw around the mouthful until it goes down in a few tight swallows.

“So, she and your mom were leaving to do some shopping together, for—” He motions behind him, and my eyes drift toward the window, toward Shepherd’s lodge, before drifting back to Court. I feel like Elara would want me to still refer to the lodge as my brother’s, as I think she probably still does, so that’s what I decide to do. “And they detoured to Emmy’s Blanket.” He pauses, tapping on his can. “Elara asked why you weren’t there, and that’s when we told her. . .”

I sigh back against the counter. I figured Elara already knew I’d quit teaching snowboarding—even just boarding for recreation. I don’t ask Court how she took that news as I picture her empathetic eyes, gazing back at mine with a purpose, as if that’s mine, knowing she’ll come to me herself, ready to put that warmth back in me, to push me to give something back to myself.

And Court moves on, knowing it too. “Yeah, anyway,” he says after a swallow from his can. “Amie wanted to turn their shopping spree into a party shopping spree to still celebrate their birthdays. . .” He pauses again, with more tapping on his can, and my chest sinks on an exhale, thinking of Mom making herself so busy on Shepherd’s birthday, before feeling floaty on an inhale at her now wanting to celebrate.

Like she wants to reopen the slope.

Because of Elara.

“But you know Elara,” Court continues. “And she suggested something else.”

My smile is a reflex at those words.Now she doesn’t have to celebrate her birthday.My smile hangs on a second longer before dropping off at the thought, berating to myself that that’s not what I meant.

“Well what was it?” I prod Court with a slight snap, and hegives me a look that makes me pull in a preparing breath.

“The three rings race.”

My spine straightens at the mention of our biennial snowboarding race.

Every two years, during ski season, Shepherd and two of his local boarding buddies would race to the end of Dani’s Dukes—one of our shorter slopes—where three rings waited for them, one for each, and the first to fly through their ring was the winner. The rings would light up as they flew through them, one after the other.

Shepherd didn’t always win those, but he mostly did.

Then when the race was over, they’d do tricks through the rings, showing off, while all of us watching gorged on Mom’s hot chocolate, or whatever other drink they liked, and enjoyed the show.

I push off the counter and into the island, my hands splayed on the edge at his steady stare. “You’re serious.”

“And your mom’s considering it.”

Considering it.Reopening our most popular slope is worlds apart from having that race. Shepherd was literally a part of the show. We couldn’t have it without him.

Court downs another drink and gives an answer to my questioning thoughts. “Andwhen I added in about Damien and Talia passing through and asking you if it was still happening this year, Elara threw in about how it could be a good way for the community to come together and celebrate him.”

Celebrate his life.

Thatwould be the least moronic way to remember and honor Shepherd. It would be fucking perfect.

Elara.She—her presence—breathes through me, like she has the rest of us, as I sigh back against the counter. She’sso good for my mom. She’s so good for my family.

She’s so good for me.

“And you all just left me sleeping?” I ask with some insinuation when I blink back to Court’s gulping to finish his beer.

“You’re still sleeping in,” he defends, wiping his mouth, then crushing the can. “Which usually means you need to, but I was wrong, and I should’ve come sooner?”

I smile at the exaggerated confusion on his face—questioning because Iwasstill sleeping in, but actually sleeping, not staring at my ceiling with my eyes opening and closing in five minute intervals until I needed to get up.

“It was strange,” Court says now, widening his eyes. “It was like seeing her for the first time again.”

Well, you better not have looked too hard.

I don’t tell him that. Because who would I be saying it for?

“I may have already done that,” I admit instead, folding my arms across my chest.

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