Page 24 of Born in the Spring

I refrain from giving him another hug as I close the door, stalling with that same fear of him pulling away.

He looks around, his throat bobbing when he swallows, the tiniest twitch in his face I recognize as the guilt he still carries. “The last time I saw this place. . .” He trails the echoed thought, and I finish it silently for him.

I was in here with Shepherd.

They argued right outside, and I know it’s that memorywelling his eyes now.

My brain dusts off the thought of me feeling like I came between them. But I never tried to do that. And I’ve always had to remind myself they had their own struggles.

“It’s weird,” he murmurs, the welling in his throat, his stare off toward the kitchen. “He was gone a lot. . .” He trails again, and I follow after him with the same murmured clog in my voice, my own stare drifting toward the couch.

“But we always knew he would come back.”

“Sometimes,” he pushes through an exhale that makes me look up at him, shaking his head in his pause, and I try to meet his eyes again as they’re now down toward the floor, “missing him feels like it used to. Just thinking he’s gonna walk through the door.”

“With some crazy story about being overseas,” I add low, with a half-smile that fades as Jasper’s teary gaze blinks to mine. I let go of the fear as I wrap my arms around him, a sigh sinking me against him as he holds to me back.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper a second time, my heart aching against his as he holds to me tighter.

“I’m sorry,” he says back. “I’m sorry we lost him. And I’m sorry I pushed you away.”

I shake my head. “Jasper, it’s—”

“No, Elara, I shouldn’t have done that.” He shakes his head back, nuzzling deeper into my hair. “It wasn’t you.” My eyes close, a burn behind my lids. “It was the last thing I wanted to do, and that’s why I had to.” He holds to me tighter still as he talks, like it’s easier to do this way, so I don’t dare let up my hold if this is what keeps him talking. That’s another thing I missed. “I thought you moved on and didn’t want anything to do with…me, orhere,” he adds quickly, and I shake my headagain.

“I was just giving you some time. You needed it,” I remind him. “And I thought about you all the time.”

He goes still. Not rigid. Just still. The rise and fall of his chest slowing with mine. “You know what saying something like that will do to me.” His voice is low as he shifts, his breath closer to my ear.

“Well, you know what I mean,” I manage around a small smile, my voice dropped too, releasing him as his hold loosens, but only in his hands, as his eyes keep hold of mine, searching again.

“I know what you mean in the sense that I think about you all the time.”

“Of course I thought about you,” I say, stronger, my small smile reappearing before every feature hardens around what I’ve been wanting to tell him the moment I found out about Gary. “And I’m so sorry about your dad.”

Jasper blinks from his thoughts and to my words, his head starting to shake, his lips parting with a protest as mine did.

“No.” I cut in with my argument this time. “He was anass. And you deserved better.”

Gary wasmostlynice to me, andmostlysupportive of my relationship with Shepherd, but with how he treated Jasper like he was inferior, that didn’t matter. Gary is an ass, and bailing on his family only cemented that.

Jasper smiles, athank youmouthed heavy on his lips.

I squeeze his arm and back more into the room, taking a breath as I face the couch. “Come on.”

Ten

Jasper

Elara’s reallyback.

That’s the main thought in my head as my eyes follow her every move. Not in a pervy way—I can’t even try to look at her like that being intheirspace, where I can feel my brother’s glare from the last time I was—though she’s always a walking, standing, sitting, doing anything, dream. I’m stuck here, wanting as far away from that couch as possible, but taking her in every chance I get.

And I thought about you all the time.

She said those words—I can’t make that up—and it’s those words that shift my feet just a bit closer. My mind’s looking into them, and it’s been looking into everything since the moment I dropped from that balcony for the second time, and she hugged me for the first time again, which is something we’ve done a million times. And it’s not like she hasn’t said some similar things to me throughout the years that’s made my heart stall out, seemingly innocent words that just shows shecares about me.

But I’ve never told Court I think about him all the time. I never even said that to Robin. That’s never even left my mouth except with Elara.

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