Page 22 of Born in the Spring

She was quiet as she forked and chewed her second to last bite, and I took an even bigger bite of mine to catch up. I figured she’d want to get back to her room once she was done and I didn’t want to be left here without her.

“You’re not supposed to know that smile,” she finally said, with another trace of teasing.

“I saw your real smile maybe three times all night,” I told her, brushing my arm against hers as I said it, remembering the one that was for me.

The party had started off for just her and Shepherd, but with Dad’s doing, it’d ended as a meet and greet. My brother hadn’t minded, but he, nor Dad, noticed that Elara had. Or maybe they’d just ignored it, as they’d been doing with me most of that time.Busy—Dad’s one-word slogan, thewith Shepherdpart a given. So, feeling like background noise, coupled withmynoticing and wanting to see Elara really light up, I’d made myself the center of attention by singing to the piano number Zacharias was playing. Singingbadly.I couldn’t even defend the vocals I was pulling in that space off behind us.

Everyone’s—Elara’s—eyes were on me, and when her face lit up, I’d sung louder. She had cheered. Then Mom had cheered. Then Shepherd had cheered, the room filled with laughter and clapping.

I’d stopped when Dad cut off Zacharias, but I’d gotten what I wanted. I’d helpedcheerElara up, and myself.

“The big three-oh,” she sighed out, with a groan that echoed through my chest at the reminder of our age difference. Shepaused her soft scrapes of her fork in cake crumbs as she thought over her words before going with, “When you get my age, you’ll get it.”

I held back a flinch at her phrasing and instead heard,because we’re alike. More alike than her and my brother.

“My brother doesn’t get it,” I said at the tail of the thought, then I did flinch, another reminder that Shepherd’s her age.

Elara made a noise that sounded like a grunt around her last bite, and I stuffed another one of mine into my mouth. “Shepherd was meant for the spotlight.”

There was a fondness in her voice as she stated what we all knew, as she talked about Shepherd, and I’d heard it when she talked about me too, but it still made me ask her, “You like my brother?”

I’d never asked her that before, and I wasn’t even sure whichlikeI meant, but the question scratched up my throat now.

“I do.”

That was all she said as she licked frosting from her fingers and set her empty plate to the side, and that time, it was for the best. Maybe mine.

I nodded down to my couple more bites, telling the knot in my throat those two simple words were fine, even good. It wasn’t like I wanted her tohatehim. And she liked a lot of people. She liked Mom too.

I almost wished I clarified and was almost relieved I didn’t.

I waited for her to stand, to say she needed to head back, but instead, she relaxed more beside me and waited for me to meet her eyes—which she angled back toward the fire once I did as she asked me, “What are your plans fornextSaturday night?”

The question fluttered through me, on the hope she was thinking what I now was. “Are you trying to take over all my Saturday nights?” My smile was just a twitch in my lips, scared to completely form until Elara said what I was on the edge of this pillow to hear.

“If you want to take over mine.”

I felt my plate slipping from my lap and I caught it just in time, all the breath left in my lungs exhaling in the deepest sigh. “That’snot even a question.”

Her laugh was quiet, then so was mine. And as her smile faded, so did mine, in the second I feared she was about to change her mind, tell me us hanging out in the dark every weekend in front of the fire was a bad idea, but then she nodded.

“We should,” she decided, and she sounded so sure, I wanted to sing again. “This is nice,” she said, lower, then gave me a side look. “We’ll have to get more cake.”

I gave my neglected plate one last glance before setting it to the side, not sure how much of an appetite I’ll have for anything else with her sitting here beside me every week, but I suggested, “We can surprise each other with a different snack each time.”

“That’s a lot of snacks we’ll have to think up,” she said with that cute as hell skepticism.

“Orthat’s a lot of cake my mom will have to make.”

Elara’s laugh now filled the room and every empty space inside me left by this day before she walked in here. “Good point. Different snacks. Deal,” she said, and it was the best deal I’d ever made.

Nine

Elara / Now

My heart clenches before I’m even all the way through the door, like it’s bracing itself for what I might find. I knew the possibility of another breakdown, which is why I needed to come alone.

I set my suitcase just inside and close the door behind me to keep the chill out. There’s already a little chill in here from having not been lived in the past six months, and a fresh shiver passes through me as I reach for the light switch.

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