Page 10 of Born in the Spring

“If I’mchasinganything, it’s my life.”

“And your life is there?”

“It was, yeah,” I say, my voice raised with my rising frustration. “People we loved have already lost theirs,” I add, low to the low blow of bringing in the death of his own relationship, but this is what seems to get through to him.

He closes his eyes, the clench in them putting one in my heart, and moving me closer, but I stop at the end of the mini bar, as his stare meets mine again, objection back in his look. “You said it was good,” he presses more, using and tying what I said on the couch to us.

“Not with you and me.”

He scoffs. “This is a shitty way to break up with someone.”

“How else would you rather me do this?” My hands come free from my pockets in another kick for his understanding. “Welivetogether, Davis. Did you just want me to tell you I’m leaving, then stay a few more days, drag out the awkward—I would obviously need to move out if we’re breaking up.”

“A conversation would’ve been nice,” he argues, his voiceraised with mine.

“This is the conversation.”

He tosses the dish towel and turns to the sink, a sigh relaxing his back into a slouch as he grips the edge, still trying to hold to himself while also giving in to me. He knows we can’t keep doing this. We can’t stay together. We weren’t meant to stay together.

“You’re gonna be okay,” I assure him, and myself, on a murmur as I approach his back, wanting to give him a soothing touch. But as his has stopped soothing me, I know mine won’t do the same for him now. “You’re just used to me being here. But once I’m gone, it’ll be like I never was.”

He faces me, our bodies only a couple inches apart as his chest rises on a breath. “You think I’ll get over you that quickly?”

“There’s nothing to get over.”You don’t love me and I don’t love you.

“I do have feelings for you, Elara,” he scoffs out, as if hearing my thought.

“I’m sorry.”

He searches my gaze, waiting for more, but I’ve run out of things to say. “You’re sorry, that’s…that’s all?”

“I felt for you too. Okay? In the beginning. But we’ve just—”

“In the beginning,” he repeats with a shake of his head. “That’s great.”

“This isn’t right, Davis.” I’m almost pleading now, and he can hear it in my tone, see it in the warmth in my cheeks, as his features lose some of their sneer. “It never was.”

He nods, like he’s trying to accept this, while still arguing the facts. “So that’s it.” He pauses. Nods some more. “I’msupposed to just wake up without you tomorrow and be okay with that.” It’s not a question.

We look at each other for a long time, long enough for us both to acknowledge what we were for each other, and for the acceptance of nothing more to fully pass between us.

Davis nods once more, then whispers, “Then okay.”

I make a tentative move to hug him, and he embraces me. We hold each other in this position for a long time too, until he rubs my back, his signal that he’s either about to let go, or that I should.

“Thank you,” I tell him when I pull away, and he mouths his form of a thank you back. “Do you want me to let you know when I’ve made it—”

“No,” he cuts in, holding up a hand before dropping it to his side. “That’s okay.”

I watch him a moment longer, then turn toward the room to get going. I’m almost at the door when his next words slow my steps.

“Actually. . .” I stop inside at his trailing and face the smile he’s managing to give me. “Yeah.”

I manage a smile back, then finish the walk to my waiting suitcase. It sits tall, ready for me to grab it by the handle and take us both back where we belong.

Five

Jasper

---