Page 91 of Break Your Fall

Tiffany lost the baby. She had a miscarriage just this morning.

“What happened? How? Where’s Naomi and Julian?” The questions are rapid-fire as I barge through Julian’s front door, only seeing Tommy and Camille gathered at the island and Banks on the couch with his head hanging back over the top and his eyes closed.

“Naomi’s with Brent and Tiffany,” Tommy tells me, a mournfulness of the news in his voice. “She’s doing everything she can to help.”

I press my hand to my stomach to ease the discomfort. “How?” I ask again, looking to Camille for this answer and she sighs, the only one of us who seems indifferent about what’s happened, unsurprised. She’s probably writing it off as karma, thinking Tiffany deserved it after helping Brent cheat on Naomi. What right does she have to keep the baby?

“They don’t know,” she says. “She started having a lot of pain and. . .” she trails off with a shrug, and Banks makes a noise from the couch before getting up and storming out the door, the slam jolting me. I can’t tell if he’s sickened or sad.

“How’s Julian?” I ask next.

“He’s shut down,” Camille says, and I finally hear emotion in her voice. “Isolating himself, and I can’t bring him back on my own. The loss of the baby is making him feel everything he felt before. All the guilt for his recent fuckups.” She gives me a pointed look that shifts to knowing, a sadness mixed with hope. “You’re the one who was there for him, and you’re one of those fuckups.”

Tommy gapes. “That’s a nice way of putting it,” he deadpans to her, then says to me, “You’re not a fuckup.”

I muster a small smile at Tommy’s eagerness to defend me as Camille holds my stare with a chuckle and says, “She knows what I mean.”

Camille means that I am still a broken piece in Julian’s life. I was the safe harbor he clung to when he needed shelter from rough waters before he let me be washed out to sea. When he was willing, I was the conversations, the comfort for his anger, his fear, his doubts.And he wants his friend back.

He’s struggled with accepting the idea of this baby, linking himself to the kid of the only father he’s known, feeling guilty for linking the kid to his mom by association. And now that his heart is open, the baby is gone. The sibling he was going to have is gone, and the Julian I know would’ve been a great big brother. The Julian I know is crushed over this, and he needs all of us now.

I want my friend back, too.

“Where is he?”

We walk out to the Jeep, Tommy and Camille standing back but staying close as I approach the vehicle that holds many recent memories that send a dulled ache through my chest, only there when it’s rubbed, as the interior comes into my view.

I hear the music before I see Julian. Death Cab for Cutie blasts from the inside. I recognize the song. “A Lack of Color.” I knock on the back window and Julian’s closed eyes open to the roof, his nose flaring as they drag down to the glass. He sits up when he notices it’s me, holding my stare with furrowed brows and a clenched jaw. A breeze blows my hair across my face and I tuck it away behind my ear, my eyes softening and pulling for him to get out of the car.

Julian looks toward the windshield to see Tommy and Camille standing by, waiting for him, too. We’re all waiting. We’re all together. We’re here.

His stare falls to his lap and stays there a moment before he shifts, a slow move forward, and steps out of the car.

I pull him into a hug when he’s standing in front of me, a sting building behind my eyes as a weight lifts from my heart. His arms wrap around me, another slow move forward, then he’s squeezing me to his chest, his face in my neck.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes, his voice a pained ripple through my body. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

I squeeze him back, feeling his shoulders jerk and his chest tighten as I breathe, “I’m sorry, too. I’m so sorry this happened.”

We stay this way, holding on to each other, a comforting rock for both of us, for several long moments until another set of arms wraps around us from behind Julian.

“I’m here, too, dude.”

Julian laughs against me, and I laugh too as we pull apart, Julian shaking Banks from his back.

“Hands off,” Camille scolds Banks as she and Tommy walk up, and Julian pulls her against him with a deep sigh, pressing his lips to her forehead, then whispering something in her ear that makes her smile and nod.

“You know what you need?” Banks says to Julian, shoving his face in between him and Camille as the two part.

“A few beers,” Julian replies with a determination that has Banks beaming as he shuts down the music.

“Hell yeah you do!”

Banks wraps his arm around Julian’s neck and drags him away to my amusement. Julian reaches out and pulls Camille along with them as she rolls her eyes through halfhearted protests.

We all need our safe harbor tonight.

I look over at Tommy who’s shaking his head after them, then he meets my gaze, a soft smile coming over his face.

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