Page 83 of Break Your Fall

And sleeping is what she’s doing once I make it back to the bedroom. As quietly as I can, I set the water and food on the nightstand.

“I can’t lose you, Tommy. I can’t. . .” Her eyes are closed as her mouth mumbles the words, and I kneel down beside her, slide my hand through hers where it rests on the pillow.

“You’ll never lose me,” I promise her. “I can’t let you go, remember?” Her eyes flutter open, and I see that moment in the way she looks at me, that moment in my car when I told her those words, and the moments they led to. “I can’t lose you, either.”

“You were going to keep you from me,” she says, a whisper of anger behind the words. “You should’ve told me. You should’ve fought for us.” Her eyes fall closed and I fall back onto my floor.

We were just kids when I fell for Reyna. While there have been several reasons I’d never acted on my feelings, if I had fought for her, fought for us back then, things would’ve been a lot different. Maybe it’s my worries or naivety or something else, but the friendship we have now might not be the same, and we might have messed it all up, if only because we were too young. We had to grow up. I had to grow up.

There’s a reason this is happening now.

This is happening.

I make it back to my feet, making a decision as I stroke my finger down her cheek, whispering another promise, for us. “I will.”

I give myself a moment right outside the door, leaning my head back against the wall as I grasp what happened and let it in just one time, without the asterisk.

The girl I’m in love with tried to kiss me. Reyna wanted to kiss me.Me.

You should’ve fought for us.

Now that I’m letting myself believe she wants me to fight, I’d be a complete moron not to show her that the guy for heriswithin our group. He’s standing right here. He’s me.

Reyna has always felt taken even when she wasn’t. But it’s different now. I’m not feeling like she belongs to someone else anymore—to one of my best friends. I’m not feeling like I don’t have a chance anymore. Not completely, anyway.

I can’t reach for the hope yet, but it’s there, within my grasp now.

She could fall for me.

She’s scared. But if she wants to take the risk, if she wants to be with me, if she wants to see what we can be together, there’s no way in hell I’m saying no to that.

But she has to be sober. She has to tell me again without the alcohol. Until she can do that, until I can know she’s sure, until she’s right there with me. . .

I’ll fight, but I won’t push.

Tonight, though, my focus is on helping my best friend as I yank my phone from my pocket and call the first name I think of. She picks up and I say the only words I have to.

“Reyna needs us.”

24

Every Last Letter

Reyna

Water.I need water.

It’s the first thing my brain cries out for when I wake up to the sun. Last night almost feels like a dream, but I’m still in Tommy’s guest house, still wrapped up in the warm blankets on the bed.

I glance around for Tommy, the dream-like haze of the night clearing to reality as my body braces to face him. The door is open, but I’m alone. There’s a tall glass of water on the nightstand. I grab it up, chugging several cool and fresh sips until my dry mouth is cured.

Moderation.

Every once in a while.

A special occasion.

It makes no difference. If I keep going like this, Iwillend up like my mother.

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