Page 33 of Break Your Fall

Julian moves, appears closer in my periphery, but I still can’t look at him as he has the nerve to try to pull me in with his low, reaching voice. “Reyna. . .”

Tommy moves next, a swift closing in that jolts my hazy gaze to his. I blink to clear it, taking him in as he towers in front of me. His chest visibly falls, his mouth open and eyes rounded in disbelief. My eyes round just the same as he holds me in a stare so binding I couldn’t look away if I tried. He shakes his head as if wanting to rid himself of my words. “You don’t mean that.”

The assertion triggers and my eyes narrow, a laugh scoffing from my mouth. “Right.” I’m shaking my head now, trying to rid myself of my mother’s echoing words, failing again to not agree with them. “At leastsomeonecan admit we’d all be better off.”

“I would never be the same!” Tommy’s voice booms and shatters, my body flinching with the impact and the words. “That wouldkillme, Reyna.” His face crumples with the admission, his eyes glossing over, his chest rumbling with each inhale.

I’m not sure how much more my heart can break, but I feel a sharp splinter deep in my chest. Tommy’s suffering bleeds into me, and every word, every feeling becomes mine, too. I want to reach for him as he’s reaching for me, gripping me with his anguish, holding on with his pleading, “Think of me.”

I mouth his name as I blink tears, unable to make a sound.

His jaw moves one last time, expelling only a breath before he backs away, turning to shuffle off up the beach.

“Nice,” Camille drones as she steps in my line of sight, forcing my stare from Tommy’s retreating back to her disappointed headshake. My hand itches to slap her. If she doesn’t stop acting like Miss Superior, I just might.

“Shut up,” I tell her.

“Yeah, I’m going,” I hear Banks complain and I look over to see him yank his arm from Julian’s grip as Julian tries to move him off the beach, away from this. Julian starts to look back as they head off and my stare jerks to Camille before his eyes can meet mine.

“Cold?”

“No, it’s you,” I jeer through a shiver that has started pulsing through my arms.

She snorts. “What do you expect? An apology? I gave you athank youand that’s all you’re getting.”

“Oh, gee, that’s nice of you.”

She shrugs. “Forgivemefor not jumping to forgiveyou.”

“That’s really all you have to say? Have you ever apologized for anything in your life?” I sift through memories and I can’t find a moment where Camille has been truly sorry for anything wrong she’s done. “You really think this is up tometo make right?Ishouldn’t have to. And since when does anyone make things right with me?”

“Tommy is,” she reminds me and my face slackens. “Andheshouldn’t have to. He put your happiness above his own, and now I know you know that.”

The tension in my jaw is back as the shivers expand to my shoulders.They all knew.

They all seem to know everything and I’ve never felt like more of an outsider.

“As far as you and I go,” Camille continues, “how would you feel if I tried to take away the most important thing that’s getting you by right now?”

Guilt nips at me for taking Grumbles that night, but not enough to halt my argument. “I brought her back.”

“Tommybrought her back. You couldn’t face what you did.”

“Neither can you,” I spit. “And I wouldn’t even need something to get by if you hadn’t taken—”

“What?” she cuts in. “Me? Julian? Taking myself from you … I’ll give you that.” She sounds almost remorseful and I almost soften, but if there’s anything I do know, it’s better. “But I didn’t take Julian. He was never yours, Reyna.” My stare is back on the pier as her voice lowers with more emphasis. “But Tommy—”

“Stop.”

“Why?” she pushes as my vision blurs the pier lights. “Have I finally found something youdon’twant to talk about?” I see her head tilt back as she studies me in my periphery. My throat tightens and I can’t swallow as she says, “You’ve always seen him, haven’t you?” She asks the question like she knows the answer, then continues talking like I’m not trying to ignore her. “You’ve thought about him. At least once. The possibility. What are you afraid of?”

My eyes cut to hers. “You really wanna make yourself feel better about Julian, don’t you?”

Camille just rolls her eyes, then comes back to me. “Reyna, it’sTommy.”

“Iknow.” My jaw quivers with the word.It’s Tommy.

And I can’t lose him.

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