Page 17 of Break Your Fall

I hold her stare, my voice slightly above a whisper as I say, “Why wouldn’t I?”

Her lips part, her eyes searching mine for more, and God, I feel the tumble, unable to stop the spiral.

“Reyna, you’re my best friend. And despite what you think, you’renoteasy to let go of. I can’t—I can’t let you go, and on top of that, I’m completely—”

When it stops, I hit the ground too late, slipping right to the bottom. Enough of the words out, enough of an abrupt cut off, an averted stare and clenched face to let Reyna know I’m trying to hide something.

“You’re completely what?” Her words are a pressing breath. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” I say with a shake of my head. “I mean, it’s notnothing, but—” I sigh, wrap my antsy hands around the steering wheel to get some control over myself. “It’s nothing.”

“You’re trying to hide it, so itcan’tbe,” she argues, a beg in her voice, but she doesn’t know what she’s asking. I know it’s my fault she has to ask, but I have no choice but to hide this.

“I know what I’m asking right now, but please trust me on this,” I beg back, my grip on the wheel tightening.

Reyna scoffs and I close my eyes. She’s going to have less of a struggle after tonight. She’ll have no problem pushing me away after this.

“You’re hiding something from me. When you said you’d never make that mistake again?”

I’m stuck. I’m so fucking stuck. I’ve backed myself even deeper into a corner. I can’t lie and I can’t break that promise, I can’t keep making mistake after mistake, so all I can do is beg and hope she lets me off this hook.

“Reyna,pleasedon’t make me say what I almost said. It’s not important. It doesn’t matter. It’s not gonna help.”

“I know you. Remember?” she says, affirming my earlier point while throwing it in my face. “It’s not nothing.” She slips out of the car, slipping further away from me, and slams the door behind her.

My actions are contradicting everything I know but I can’t stay in this car.

“Reyna,” I call after her as I follow her rushed footsteps to her side door, my voice loud in my anguish as I tell her, “Finishing that sentence isn’t gonna make anything better.”

She spins on me right outside the door. “What does that mean?”

“It means I’m in love with you,” I spill, my feet halting a few steps away as I tumble into another spiral, and we blanch at the same time.

Oh, shit.The most important words I’ll ever say to her and they finally come unknotted in a moment of desperation to make sure she knows I’m not trying to lie to her again.

The silence stretches, pulsing and alive. My heart is going to beat out of my chest if she doesn’t say something.

Reyna’s eyes narrow, blink as they avert from mine, and a chill bites my skin. She sees it all now. The years, the time. Years of memories, years of my feelings on display.

Reyna finally sees me and she looks horrified.

Her eyes lift back to mine and I feel like the one who got pummeled tonight.

“How—” She doesn’t finish her sentence and my head tries to fill in the blank.

How can I?

How can Inot? I answer.

How dare I?

I don’t have an answer for that one, but I get the right question in her next move. She advances, shoving me backward. Her hands are weak, her energy drained. A motion that would be suggestive of the playful way she does if it weren’t for the tears in her eyes.

This wasn’t supposed to reach her. We can’t align again if we’re not on the same path, andthisforces her to take a complete swerve from mine. She can’t hold this, so I try to hold her instead.

I grab for her hands as she shoves me again and press them to my chest. She relaxes against me, then takes a step back, sliding from my grasp.

“I need a friend.”

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