Page 25 of Still the One

“You want to help me pack?”

“Definitely.” Too flirty, too quickly? I have no idea what I’m doing anymore. I will desperately need that extra week here without her, just so that my poor brain can recover from seeing her again.

Mac just chuckles in return. “Look, Jamie…” She stops, just like last night, but the vibe is totally different tonight. “Last night was amazing. I think we both agree on that, but… for many reasons, I’m not going to sleep with you again.”

It makes total sense, yet it feels like getting the wind knocked out of me. I wait for her to give me all those reasons, or maybe just one, but none follow.

“Of course.”

“Just like there were many reasons I never wanted to see you again… after, you know?” She starts walking again, so I follow. “You are…” She pauses. “You meant so much to me. You were everything and I just can’t go there again. It’s a finished chapter of my life.”

“You were everything to me as well.” It’s probably an unfair thing to say, but this role of martyr doesn’t really suit me. I’m quite sick of it, frankly. I’m the one who made the mistake and who was fully responsible for us breaking up. I own that and I paid for my error with years of guilt and Mac’s absence from my life.

At least Mac doesn’t snicker, or mock me for saying that after what I did—because how can I say something like that after I left her for someone else?

“If you ever change your mind or need anything at all,” I say. “I’ll be there.” I so want to grab her hand, just to feel her skin against mine. “Fresh loaf of sourdough, I’m your girl.”

“I only recently started buying your bread again.” I can’t see her face, but I can hear the smile in her voice. “I had it at someone’s house and it was so damn good, I said, fuck it, I’m no longer depriving myself of this bread just to spite Jamie. It was silly, because you never even knew, obviously.” She follows up with a nervous chuckle. “That’s some damn good bread, Jamie.”

“Thanks.” If a compliment about my bread is all I can get, I’ll happily take it.

Mac stops abruptly. “Shall we go back?” She doesn’t wait for my response before turning around.

We didn’t walk very far and it doesn’t take us long before we’re back at the hotel.

“Would you like an escort to your room?” I offer.

Mac shakes her head.

“So, this is it?” Tears prick behind my eyes.

“Maybe. Yeah. I think so.”

What about last night? I want to ask. You may claim that I’m not a chapter of your life you want to revisit, but why did you sleep with me then? Why did you make me feel like this? But I don’t say any of this. Of course, I don’t.

“Can I hug you goodbye?” Mac asks.

In response, I open my arms to her as wide as I can. She steps into my embrace and, instantly, it feels like last night on the dance floor, when we both admitted we didn’t want to let go. But I must be the only one feeling that way tonight, because Mac doesn’t stay in my embrace for very long. Within seconds, she shakes herself free, and I have no choice but to let her go.

Chapter 15

Mac

I sink onto Leila’s couch. That too-short weekend in Hawaii, followed by four full days of work are quickly catching up with me. I’m grateful that she has decided to cook me dinner, although I know Leila’s also very curious about my reunion with Jamie. What better way to coax all my dirty secrets out of me than with one of her scrumptious Persian dishes.

“Where’s Izzy?” I ask.

“Upstate with Jackson and Vivian, pretending she’s the world’s best godmother.”

“You didn’t go with them?”

“Izzy and I are not joined at the hip.” Leila flashes me a smile and it softens something inside me. I’ve been on edge since I’ve come back from Hawaii and, to my great dismay, working more hours isn’t helping. She pours me a glass of wine. “No offense, but you look like you need a little pick-me-up.”

“I’m exhausted.”

Leila gives me a look.

“From work,” I say a little too quickly.

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