Page 26 of Still the One

“Talk to me.” She sits next to me and turns her body toward me. “Tell me everything.”

And I do, because seeing Jamie again has shaken me so much more than I care to admit, even to myself. I haven’t told anyone about our night together, hoping I could just file it away as something that happened, maybe even convince myself that it was some kind of closure to the most important relationship I’ve ever had, but flashes of it keep popping up in my mind at the most inopportune times, threatening my TV smile.

“I had so not expected that.” Leila’s forehead crinkles as she frowns. “I thought you hated Jamie.”

“I do. I did. I mean, not really. What is hate, anyway? Does it even exist without a little bit of love?”

Leila huffs out some air. “Are you okay?”

“No.” I swallow hard. “Jamie is a box I closed long ago. I had to. But she’s still Jamie. She’s still all the things I liked about her so much. And fuck, she’s so goddamn sexy.”

“She must be.” Leila has never met Jamie. She knows who she was to me, but I didn’t discuss her very often. She’s just the elusive ex who broke my heart. “Why else would you sleep with her? Were you drunk?”

I shake my head. “Absolutely not.” I’ve been asking myself the same question since our last hug goodbye, the one I had to break off abruptly in case my body took over from my brain again, my silly subconscious craving for all things Jamie. “I did it because…I wanted to. I wanted to so very badly and, in the moment, I couldn’t think of a good enough reason not to kiss her.” I let my head fall back dramatically. She’s still a damn good kisser, I think, but don’t say out loud. “Fuck, Leila.” I rub my fingertips against my forehead. “It wasn’t just good to be with her. It was special. There’s no other word for it. That night was something special.”

“Wow.” Leila looks puzzled. “And now what?” She hasn’t heard many good things about Jamie. To her, Jamie Sullivan might as well be the devil herself.

“She asked if we could see each other again, but I shut it down. I had to. I can’t go wherever that may lead. Jamie’s the past.” She certainly didn’t feel like the past when she was in my bed last Saturday. “Part of me wishes I hadn’t seen her again.”

“I bet other parts of you don’t agree with that,” Leila jokes.

“It’s not like I have an array of lovers to call on for all my sexual needs.”

“We talked about this not so long ago. Remember?” Leila peers at me over the rim of her wine glass. “You admitted that you’d basically given up on love.”

“What does ‘give up’ even mean in that context? I stopped looking. Stopped using those disappointing dating apps that never amount to anything. If someone I’m interested in asked me on a date, I would say yes, though.”

“The problem is…” Leila twirls her glass between her fingers. “As we also concluded when we had that conversation about love, not a lot of people seem to interest you. You haven’t been on a date in forever, and I know it’s not because of a lack of interest in you.”

“Are you saying I’m the problem?”

“You certainly were when you and I were together.” Ouch. Leila’s not mincing her words tonight.

“About that…” This is getting a bit heavy for my already weary head. “I spent time with another old friend, a lovely guy called Alan, and according to him you and I weren’t meant to be because you were meant to be with Izzy.”

“What’s his name, you say? Alan? Must be a hell of a guy if he spouts bullshit like that.”

“But you and Izzy are so happy. If you and I had stayed together, you—”

“Mac,” Leila interrupts me. “What are you talking about? We broke up because you didn’t trust me. Because you drove me crazy with all your insecurities and hang-ups. Izzy’s got nothing to do with that.”

“Yeah, well, Alan would love to meet Izzy. And you,” I blurt out.

“Okay.” Leila sits there nodding, stunning me.

“What?” I examine her face. Is she all right? Izzy doesn’t agree to meet friends of friends just like that, let alone old acquaintances of friends.

“Izzy and I will happily meet this Alan guy, but I want to meet someone in return.”

“Really?” I’m not sure what’s happening. “Who?”

“Jamie,” Leila says. “I’d like to see for myself what she’s all about.”

“You want to meet Jamie?”

Leila nods. “I do.”

“Personally, I don’t really care all that much if Alan gets to meet Izzy.” I say.

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