Page 53 of Out of Control

“Lunch is whatever you make for Adele and yourself. I’ve just had brunch and now I’m going to have a long bath.” Fiona needed to shut herself away and think. Think about Joe and their possibly not-future together. Think about Meeko and the implications of him being ‘available’. The reality of that prospect sent tingles down her spine. Think about Rob and whether she should go ahead with the talks — would that be cathartic or playing with fire?

The hot water was balm for her soul, easing the tension that had built in her shoulders and neck. She was in a relationship with a physio, and she knew how strong and clever his fingers were, but never had she asked for, or had he offered to give her, amassage. Was that because, right from the start, he had decided not to mix business with pleasure? Or simply that he didn’t want to use his skills unless it was for financial gain?

Natalie squalled. Fiona leaned over the edge of the bath to turn up the small radio she’d placed on the bathroom floor. A Radio 4 current affairs programme provided white noise to shut out the crying and facilitate the thinking.

After forty-five minutes and several top-ups from the hot tap, her skin resembled a prune. Joe knocked on the door demanding to know how long she was going to be because they couldn’t find the tomato ketchup. Fiona simply smiled: she had decided her future.

She stepped out of the bath and wrapped herself in a soft pink towel. “In the door of the fridge!” she shouted. Then she took another twenty minutes to apply body lotion and loosely blow dry her hair. It was the longest time she’d spent pampering herself since Joe had turned up with his suitcases. It was the first time she’d fully relaxed since retiring and she’d enjoyed every minute. The real Fiona had been rescued from drowning in the domestic demands of others. She hoped Rose was feeling exactly the same way wherever she was. In an odd way, they were like sisters.

Downstairs, lunch, with tomato ketchup, was finished. Joe was on the settee flicking between football and a film on TV. Adele was feeding Natalie, having got the hang of doing it discreetly so she didn’t mind her father being in the room. In the kitchen, the breakfast things had been pushed to one end of the table and the lunch plates remained in situ. The sandwich toaster had been left switched on and was surrounded by crumbs and the innards of a couple of tomatoes. The cheese was warming nicely, right next to the kettle. Fiona started to put her kitchen to rights. This time she didn’t feel resentful; all of this vindicated her decision. It would have been more difficult tobe sure she was doing the right thing if the room had been left pristine.

Later, Adele and Natalie went upstairs for a nap. Fiona closed the lounge door, took the remote from Joe and turned the TV off. She was done with being compared to Rose, with Joe not clearing up after himself, with the way he continued to treat his adult daughter like a child, and with him always putting himself first.

“Hey! I was watching that.”

“We need to talk and we need to do it before things go any further.”

Joe sat up straight and eyed her suspiciously. “You sound like Rose when she brought up the subject of divorce.”

“I’m not surprised.”

“She had it all cut and dried in her head. But I didn’t want to throw in the towel until I was sure that she was sure it was what she wanted.”

“You mean you didn’t want to fend for yourself for the first time in your life.” Joe had the decency to colour and look away. “After just one month together I can understand why Rose needed to get away. The only thing I don’t understand is why she took so long to do it.” Now she had Joe’s full attention.

“What are you trying to say? Rose loved me. She devoted her life to me and the family. The divorce and this ‘trip’ of hers are some mid-life crisis thing. She’ll be back when she’s got it out of her system.”

“That will be convenient because you’ll be needing her.”

“Adele will be needing her.” Joe spoke like a teacher correcting a pupil. “And that will give us the space to reconnect.” He glanced at the lounge door, saw it was closed, and patted his lap.

Fiona shook her head. Sitting on his knee was the last thing she wanted to do. “Joe, there is no ‘us’ anymore. I shouldn’t havelet this domestic charade continue as long as I have. Right back when you wanted to choose what I wore to your works do, I didn’t feel comfortable about how you were treating me, but you wouldn’t listen and made me feel that I was making a mountain out of a molehill. I gave you another chance. And then one of your boomerangs returned.”

Joe was frowning at her onslaught and there was confusion in his eyes. “Don’t bring Adele into this. There was no option but to let her stay.”

“Agreed. And I’ve grown fond of her and Natalie. But you’ve made a difficult situation harder by consistently treating her like a child, going AWOL when you’re most needed and, this is the bit that really hurts, continually telling me how much better Rose would’ve handled things. Even though I am not a Rose replacement — I am not your wife and not Adele’s mother. Plus, you seem to think I am your domestic drudge. Even when Adele moves out, I can’t see you cleaning or cooking.”

“What do you expect? I’m working full-time but you’re retired with nothing else to do.”

Fiona resisted the urge to slap his face. “I didn’t work hard all my life to retire at sixty and attend to all your washing, meals and cleaning.” She watched his hands curl and uncurl. He pursed and unpursed his lips. She’d expected to have a lump in her throat by now and to be wondering if she was being hasty and would regret this decision. She’d even put a sheet of kitchen roll in her pocket so that, if necessary, she could easily turn her head, blow her nose and regain some equilibrium. It wasn’t needed. His responses had made it easy for her to fire the final salvo. “Joe, I’d like you to move out as soon as possible.”

For a moment he was shocked into silence. Then he glared at her. “Where am I supposed to go with a daughter and her newborn baby in tow, a flooded house and a landlord who can’t seem to get it fixed?”

“Adele can stay until either Rose returns or you find somewhere suitable.” Fiona hoped Adele would stay. It would be better for the young woman than living with Joe and, despite her best intentions, Fiona had become attached to both mother and daughter.

“What do we do until I can find somewhere?” It hurt that he didn’t put up a fight to try to save their relationship. For him it was obviously a relationship of convenience rather than love.

“Adele is using my spare room. My office is too tiny to fit a bed. But the sofa is free every night.” She pointed and his glare became evil. “What about your brother with a four-bedroomed house on the other side of town? The one that dropped in to see Adele in hospital. That will be nearer work for you as well. It’s your choice. Sofa here or a bedroom there.”

Joe walked out of the room. Fiona started to tremble. She was proud of the way she’d remained calm, but now it was over she couldn’t stop shaking. For twelve months she’d believed she and Joe had the perfect relationship. It had taken just a few short weeks to realise that only seeing each other when on their best behaviour equated to building a castle on sand. Even if Adele found her own place, or if Fiona and Joe had made the conscious decision to live together instead of having it thrust upon them — neither of these things would have made them any more compatible. Joe wanted a Rose replacement, not someone who was used to her own independence and was unwilling to look after a man who thought that was still the woman’s role.

A few minutes later he walked to his car with his two suitcases and drove away. Upstairs she opened the wardrobe and shuffled her clothes along the rail to refill the slice of space she’d been forced to clear for him. A little more tension left her.

“Dad!” Adele’s voice called from the spare room.

He hadn’t told her or said goodbye.

Fiona gave a gentle knock and walked in. “It’s me, not your dad.”

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