Page 43 of Against the Current

“This is Gavin, Willa, and Rudy,” he introduced them. “Willa and Rudy are going to attend the reading, I think? And Gavin will be upstairs.”

Gavin put back on his headphones, waved, and went upstairs, where, Ryan guessed, he’d burrow himself in a podcast or an album and forget the world for a little while. Increasingly, Gavin was a mystery. Ryan guessed that Gavin was a mystery to himself, as well. As a teenager, your job was to discover who you were. It was no easy task.

Suddenly, Aunt Esme threw her arms around him. It took Ryan by such surprise that he started laughing.

“It’s just so good to have you back on Nantucket,” Esme said. “How long has it been?”

“Fourteen years,” he said, eyeing Trisha.

Esme turned to Trisha. “I wasn’t around anymore when you were married,” Esme said. “It’s lovely to meet you, finally.”

“You as well,” Trisha said, her smile genuine and filled with light.

“How is the transition back to Nantucket?” Esme asked.

“It’s not so easy,” Trisha admitted.

Esme nodded. “My daughters returned after many, many years away. It hasn’t been easy for them, either. Maybe you should call them up? You’d probably have a lot to say to one another.”

Trisha looked doubtful. If Ryan had to guess, Trisha was thinking,I don’t need any more Suttons in my life—even the Suttons who got away.

“That sounds nice,” Trisha said, her voice wavering. “Thanks.”

Esme turned to address the growing crowd of middle-grade kids who’d come out for the reading. Willa and Rudy had already found a spot for themselves in the middle. Willa looked very serious, her brow furrowed.

Nervously, Ryan knelt and muttered in his mother’s ear, “Willa seems okay here.”

“She does,” Jackie agreed, smiling.

“But she could turn on a dime,” Ryan said.

Jackie looked resolute. “I can handle it, Ryan.” She turned to look Trisha in the eye as she added, “I love her, you know. I want to be there for her. I want to learn how to be there for her, that is. And I can’t learn if I don’t try.”

Tied up within that was an apology for the other night—and a promise for a better future.

Trisha was difficult to read. Was she going to let this go for now? Was she up for the wine bar down the block?

To Ryan’s disbelief, within twenty minutes, he was sitting across from his wife, studying an extensive wine menu andasking the server questions about French and Italian wineries. Trisha was all smiles, showing off an elaborate knowledge of wine that went back to her days of working in bars and restaurants. The server took a liking to her and decided to let them taste test five different wines for free before they made their official choice.

When the server disappeared to pour their samples, Ryan let himself really look at his wife. Although the move had been tremendously difficult for her, and she was probably in a haze of depression, she could still light up any room. If she wanted to.

“What?” she asked, daring him to say exactly what was on his mind.

He raised his shoulders. “I’m just sorry.”

He was sorry for moving them back to a place that stressed her out so much. He was sorry for having failed out in Chicago. He was sorry for his family being the way they were. He was sorry he hadn’t fully stood up for her when he should have. He was sorry that Willa had autism. He was sorry he didn’t always know how to take it.

Trisha touched his hand on the table. After a pause, she said, “I hate that we gave up.” Her voice cracked.

She meant that they gave up on their dream of leaving. They gave up on their dream of never coming back.

“I don’t think we gave up,” Ryan said. “I don’t think it’s really giving up until we give up on each other.”

Before Trisha could answer, the server returned with their wine samples and regaled them with a story of a trip he’d taken to Italy three years back. Trisha laughed and asked questions, pretending to be joyful and free. Ryan took a sip from the first sample and, inexplicably, heard his grandmother’s voice in his head.I’ve never regretted a glass of wine.

Chapter Sixteen

March 2025 - Nantucket Island

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