Page 41 of Maid in Heaven

10

That night, Ava layawake, staring at the empty half of her king-sized bed. She draped her arm across the cool pillow and pulled it to her chest. She hadneveronceregretted kicking out her ex-husband after findingout about the affair.

It wasn’t much of a marriage tobeginwith.

Dan’s scent was long gone fromher bedding,ithaving been laundered many times since. Butno amount of fabric softener in the world washed away the terrible past. The loneliness. The feeling of not being enough. The feeling of not being someone’s whole world.

Memories flashed through her mind with the 20/20 clarity of hindsight. Every phony smile, every faked orgasm,every late-night shower, every kiss…all of it was a damnedlie. A beautifully curated fallacy she’dorchestrated throughout the years to quell the distrust, all to sootheherself for obviously settling. She could recognize now, in retrospect, that she’d turned a blind eye toevery red flag, every sign. Suspicions wereblanketed over by a forced, blind trust in someone who lied in front of God and their families that he would love, cherish,honor, andbe faithful. From the shadows, reality had slapped her in the face with its cold, lesson-riddled hand.

…Lessons she hadn’t been ready for.

Her mind played back an uglyhighlight reel of painful memories. Perfume on his work clothes. Car seatspushed too far forward. Late-night texts from the office. Strange charges on the account. The rumors at the Christmas party. The marks on his back that looked suspiciously like nail drags.

It had all been lies. Every last moment of their sham marriage.

Did he ever love me,she wondered?

Was there ever a time when the care he showed was real?

During their final blowout, he’d broken down and told her about the affairs.Plural. Ava foolishly recalled thinking they could work through it, using honesty as a foundation to rebuild their twister-ravaged vows.

That was until his current something-on-the-side gotpregnant.

Every time Ava thought back to it, her chest ached. Not because of the unfaithful idiot she had married. It ached for the fact that Dan wnow hadthe familyshe’d always dreamed of having.

She thought the divorcehad absolutely broken her. She wasn’t looking for someone.Nor did she ever think she would want more than a casual flingever again.

She tossed and turned, finally settling on the empty pillow, and triedto imagine Will Jessup laying in bed beside her, caressing the hair from her cheek just as he had tonight when she was teetering on the edge of a dream.

Allinstincts of self-preservationhad been tossed out the window, and asingular, haunting realization had taken their place…

Will was in her head.

11

The light of dawnpeeked through the blinds ofWill’s kitchen windows. An early riser, he always awoke before the sun, stumbling to the countertop cappuccino machine for a sip of caffeinated lifeblood. Making coffeewas an art he’d nearly perfected, even with his eyes only half-open. His tousled hair bobbed softly as heworked. Hetamped grounds down into the Port-a-filter, readied it in its slot,and flicked the switch. The machinewhooshedto life.

On autopilot, he poured some milk into a metal carafe andplaced it under the steam valve. He twisted the side dial. Milk bubbled inside. Will filled his coffee mugand artfully drizzled foamy white milk on top of the black espresso, creating a cappuccino that would put most coffee shops to shame.

Golden sunlight beamed into his eyes from between the slats of his blinds, eliciting a grumble. He took a sip of the steaming liquid, and his shoulders relaxed, letting out a small groan of pleasure. He felt revived, as though hehad suddenly returned to the living after having beendead.

He missed his partner in crime. Soon,Starla would wake from her sleepover and call him to come and pick her up. But,for now,the silence invading his home made him feel uneasy. He was used to ridiculous inquiries and off-the-wall conversations with her first thing in the morning. The “but why?” question after everything had become part of their morningritual.

Every day with her was bothexhausting and rewarding. He swore he was going to raise Starla differently thanhe’dbeenreared. She would never feel like a burden, something to simply beendured. No. He wanted his child to know she was cherishedfrom day one. And though he was far from perfect, he felt like he’d done a good job of that so far. He’d always provided for her, never letting her see how close their ship hadcome to sinking.

Silence had vanished the day Starla was born, and it went surprisinglyunmissed.This morning, it had returnedwith a vengeance,and now he was excited for his little girl’speppy antics, ranging from begging for ‘bunny pancakes’to prodding for a satisfactory answer to ‘which dinosaur would he be able to beat in a fight?’ As his daughter blossomed into a social butterfly at school, he both loved and hated thetimes when Starla would stay the night at other kid’s houses. It was both a sacred time of peace and contemplation… and a ringingreminder that there was no romance in his life, no one to share his mind and soul with.

His days werea pink, frilly whirlwind full of girly stuffed animals, dog hair, and laughter. Yet, in the back of his mind,he couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that it was allstillmissingsomething.

For months after Sarah left, Will went on a tear, sleeping with countless women,ones all too willing to be teased and pleased. Ones whose last name he rarely caught. Back when he was a single father of a toddler,he didn’t have much time for romance. Only sex to fill the void, to fill the emptiness.

He silently sipped his cappuccino, andhis eyes driftedto the mug in the sink that his would soon be joining.

Ava’s cup.

A valiant ceramic hero who gotAva mostlynaked. He thought back to that moment, replaying it in his mind. He recalled the line her bra left in her milky skin when she’d removed it. He’ddesperately wanted to run his fingers along the impressions, caressing the smooth flesh in the grooves.The thought reawakened his morning erection, which stood bolt-upright,puffing his flannel pajama bottomsoutlike a boat sail in gale-force winds.

He sighed in frustration.

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